


If Tomorrow Is Sunny

by lordkrisdemort



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Mild Smut, Mystery, No Happy Ending Fest, Unhappy Ending, mentions of divorce, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 67,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22926355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordkrisdemort/pseuds/lordkrisdemort
Summary: “If I keep my distance, would you keep me around?”
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 53
Kudos: 90
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2019





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 224  
>  **Prompt:** Baekhyun learns a secret from Chanyeol and they both know that it'll never be the same for them again.  
>  **Pairing/Main Character(s):** Chanyeol/Baekhyun  
>  **Side Characters(if any):** other EXO members  
>  **Word Count:** 67k  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional Tag(s)** : angst, a slight mention of suicide attempt, character death, profanities, reader discretion is advised  
>  **Author's note:**  
>  if you ever get the urge to rationalize or find the logic in some parts, remember; relax, it's just a fiction :)
> 
> I dedicate this to my forever kind and supportive dear Ciel, who was always there to get me through writing this fic. Without her, this wouldn't have happened.
> 
> And shoutout to my child Celine who have been expecting fluffy!ChanBaek from me. I'm sorry that this is my version of fluffy!ChanBaek :')

Byun Baekhyun is tired of the city noises.

But his city noises aren’t ones like the loud hum of vehicle engine, like the jumbled and amplified chatter of strangers in a public place, like the obnoxious chirping of the birds that somehow found their way to survive in the concrete jungle, like the tapping of shoes on the marbled floor where he works. His city noises aren’t ones made of the lives of others that revolved around him, the outer wall of their bubbles grazing against his every now and then.

‘ _Baekhyun, dear, all I ask is for you to be more open about this. How many times do I have to beg you? I know what you feel inside. Of all people, I should be the one who knows it too well. But it’s not it. Not like this, Baekhyun._ ’

‘ _It’s alright. I would never blame you for hating me. I could never._ ’

‘ _For God’s sake, Byun Baekhyun, it’s been a decade! Get the hell over it and stop making it difficult for everybody! You’re not the only one hurt, you know that._ ’

‘ _Don’t I deserve your trust, Baek?_ ’

Baekhyun’s city noises are made of things in his own life. They consist of the disappointed words, awkward conversations, harsh speeches, and hurtful accusations, all from people around him, people that had built his life. The noises have been ringing in his ears, banging against the drums, echoing inside his head. And he can’t take it anymore. They’ve started to consume him from the inside, he could feel himself rotting.

And one day, he finally explodes.

He stares at the reflection of his face in the mirror. The lights in the bathroom are bright and yellow, giving the luxurious vibe in the room, but all he sees is a pitiful and tired man trying to keep himself sane. His hair is damp from the shower, the remnants of the water seeping into the towel that he had circled around his neck. There’s Byun Baekhyun in the mirror; he’s twenty seven years old, and in pain.

Without breaking the staring contest of him and his reflection, his right hand reaches around the counter for his phone. Once he grabs it, he finally cast his eyes down to look at the screen. His thumb taps rapidly, and at the next second, there’s already a beeping sound from the speakers. He brings the device up and presses it against his ear.

“ _Byun Baek?_ ” the voice from the other line says the moment the line is connected. “ _What’s up?_ ”

He gulps, hoping that his voice won’t come out too shaky. “Let’s do it.”

There’s a short pause from the other side. “The _vacation_?”

“Yes.”

“ _Okay. Um. I assume you’ve thought about it all?_ ”

“I haven’t.”

“ _... that’s expected. When do we go?_ ”

“As soon as possible.” he shudders, both from the cold and the built up emotion inside him. “I can’t… I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“ _Got it. Get some sleep for now. We’ll leave at seven in the morning._ ”

“I don’t want to sleep. The nightmares. The fucking nightmares.”

“ _... I’ll stay there tonight. Don’t lock the door yet, okay? I’m coming. Easy, Baekhyun. I’m on my way._ ”

Baekhyun nods out of habit. “Thank you.” he whispers. “Thank you, Dae.”

The call ends, and he almost drops the phone into the sink from his shaky hand. It’s going to be alright. Jongdae is coming, he’s going to have a company tonight, someone’s going to talk so loud he won’t be able to hear his own head anymore. That should be good enough for him to get through tonight. It’s going to be alright.

All he wants is to be alright.

* * *


	2. The Shore

_‘_ _Hard days, good times, blue skies, dark nights’_

_‘Baby, I want you to take me wherever you're going to’_

_‘Maybe, say that you'll save me a seat next to you’_

“This shouldn’t be the background music for this moment. I can’t be listening to this with you. Ew.”

“Why are you being so bold when you’re just a stowaway? And for God’s sake, Byun fucking Baekhyun, get your smelly feet off my dash.”

Like a child having been scolded seconds before, Baekhyun pulls his legs in and puts his feet on the rough carpet again. “They’re not smelly.” he murmurs dejectedly.

“Have you tried smelling them?” Jongdae snorts and glances at his side, only to gasp in horror when Baekhyun starts lifting a leg up. “Don’t you fucking smell them for real-”

“You suggested it, moron.”

“I became a complete moron ever since I befriended you, asshole.”

“Which one you befriended? Me or my asshole?”

“Can’t even tell both apart.”

Baekhyun laughs in amusement, chest and shoulders rocking along. Jongdae joins the laughter while still maintaining his focus on the street in front of them, steadily driving on 80. It’s sunny, and the outskirt roads are almost vacant, save for some gigantic trucks and a couple of SUVs. Somehow it’s been a perfect decision to leave at six in the morning instead of seven, because an hour later, the sun is bright enough to bring out the vivid colors of the trees outside the car but not too warm on their skin. In two more hours, they would arrive at their destination, and it would be the right time for brunch. Well-planned occasions always bring Baekhyun some kind of satisfaction. It feels like every now and then, he can go against the saying ‘God’s plans are the most perfect’.

“So, I assume you’re feeling better now?”

Jongdae’s words pull him immediately from his train of thoughts. Like he was dragged away from the closing tracks, right before another carriage could hit him. And then not liking that he survived. “Yeah.” he mumbles, eyes immediately turning from the front to his side, desperately trying to make out each tree and fight the blurriness. Damn the speed. “Can I open the window?”

“We’re on 80. Wouldn’t want to lose your hair.”

“Just for a moment. Please?”

Jongdae chuckles. “Of course you can, dumbass.”

Baekhyun grins as he presses down the window button on the handle, the wind greeting him in a rather harsh way through the small gap. He closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling of his hair being ruffled not so gently. The sunlight is a lot warmer when it hits his skin directly. This is what he’s been looking for. The scent and warmth of freedom.

Freedom. For once, he wants to have a taste of it. And this is the closest he could get to it.

“Anyway, you haven’t really told me when I asked last night. How long do you plan on staying there?”

Baekhyun turns to Jongdae, half shouting because of the noise from the wind. “Come again?”

“How long will you be staying there?”

“You mean how long will I be hiding.”

Jongdae shouts even louder. “Well, more accurate, indeed.”

“I don’t know. Yet.” Baekhyun finally rolls up the window, immediately fixing his hair. “A week? Is that too long?”

“... you brought a big ass suitcase.”

“Okay, I planned on staying for like a month.” Baekhyun huffs. “But I really don’t know for now. Let’s think about that tomorrow. Let’s think about everything tomorrow.”

“Copy.” Jongdae stifles a laugh. “But if I can say something about it,”

“Go ahead.”

“I think you shouldn’t determine how long.” Jongdae shrugs. “Just stay as long as you want. As long as you need to. You’re going there for some healing time, not just a short vacation. Heal first, plan later.”

Baekhyun shifts his body on the car seat to face Jongdae completely. “Why are you being so supportive about this?” he asks, with a sense of suspicion.

“Hm? When have I not been supportive of you?”

“... but you’re Kim Jongdae. You’re the friend who puts me in check. You’re supposed to be telling me I should get myself together and get over it.”

Jongdae’s nose scrunches up. “I’m your friend. That’s all. And I’m playing my part in this. You don’t need advice, you just need some time. Don’t you?”

Time. He does need it desperately. He needs time to think, in all its actual meaning. To think for himself and what he’s dealing with at the moment. He’s so tired of always thinking about the future, endless plans and big decisions, and also other people who would be affected by his choices. For once, he just wants to think about his own existence in the very second.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun says softly. “For being my friend.” he looks up at Jongdae, who then replies to him with a smile. For a moment, they let themselves float in a comfortable silence, the smooth hum of the car’s engine and the noise from the radio being the background music.

A few minutes later, Baekhyun’s favorite song comes up, and Jongdae starts commenting about how annoying the song is, which then makes Baekhyun bring up Jongdae’s favorite band, and somehow they get tangled in a meaningless argument about whose music is better.

===

Hannam is a rather lost village, tucked away at the edges of the land where the entire nation of South Korea stands and prosper on. It’s almost hidden on the maps for being at the tip of Gamcheon-dong, the Culture Village of Busan, ironically forgotten right next to the spotlight. It was supposed to be nearly a four hours ride, but Jongdae is a born racer, and somehow they arrive there in three hours and sixteen minutes.

Baekhyun jerks up from his uncomfortable nap when Jongdae calls for him. He immediately rolls down the window and basks in the breeze that has traveled miles away from the sea, bringing in a tiny portion of the smell of the salt water. He demands Jongdae to drive even faster despite having entered the neighborhood area. Some minutes later, thanks to the almost empty streets, they arrive at their exact destination.

It’s a medium sized two-story beach house; built on mainly pine wood, completed with colorful rocks, generous amounts of cement, slide doors and tall windows. The walls are painted white, on the exterior and interior. It’s located at the corner of an approximately 3,000 square feet lot, one fourth of it being the pavement entrance way while the rest being the beautiful shore. It’s safe to say that Baekhyun owns a small part of the beach for himself, an investment he made with his four years worth of savings and some capital from his mother. It was as if she knew he’d need a safe house to escape one day.

He can feel his smile bloom as he hops off the vehicle and slams the car door. Baekhyun circles the car and stands still as he lets the wind blow, shaking him slightly while at it. The smell of the salt water is at its strongest now, and he’s enjoying every single bit of it. The sun is hot on his skin, tingling on his cheeks, and he closes his eyes as he looks up to the skies, red and orange filling his vision.

This. This is the closest to freedom.

“Get your stuff off my trunk first, idiot!”

Baekhyun bursts into laughter as he opens his eyes and turns around to help Jongdae unload their belongings. There are two large suitcases and five gym bags. They really weren’t planning to stay for short.

The ideal plan is to get their stuff into the house, check the plumbing and electricity, make sure all appliances are working, and then go for a hearty brunch, go back home for a deep nap, then wake up in the evening to unpack the suitcases and bags. But the baby blue velvet couches at the living room look so inviting at the very first sight, and without wasting any second, Baekhyun immediately makes a bee line across the room and plops himself into the cushioned seating. Jongdae nags at him, telling him to get his ass off the couch because they have a ‘dozen’ of bags to unpack, but then Jongdae takes the other couch and lies down, and in less than five minutes, they doze off, transcending to the land of clouds.

And of course, by the start of the evening, they both wake up with sore back and neck on the brink of being dislocated, skin hot due to the heat being trapped by the velvet fabric.

“Shit it’s dark.” nauseous feeling fills Baekhyun’s chest once he can finally make sense of his surroundings. “The light, Jongdae, turn on the light.”

“This isn’t my house, prick, I don’t know where the hell the switches are.” Jongdae grunts, and Baekhyun welcomes the pillow Jongdae throws right to his face. “Let me find them. Scaredy ass.”

Baekhyun hugs the pillow tightly, only letting them go once the lights are on. Something grumbles from below; it’s his stomach. “Ow.” he murmurs. “Hungry alert.”

“Let’s shower first and head out. I’m craving some broth.”

“ _Jjampong_ sounds great, doesn’t it.”

Jongdae laughs as he picks up a bag from the floor. “I’ll be quick. Turn on the lights at the porch.”

Baekhyun gets up from the couch and goes to the part of the wall where a few light switches are installed in a row. He tries them one by one, turning on the lights on random parts in the room, until he finds one switch that isn’t connected to the room. He goes out to the porch and sighs in relief when he finds the light bulb shining in warm white.

The sound of the waves finally register his ears, and he chuckles when he realizes he almost forgot they’re right at the shore. It’s already dark, but the sky still has the mixture of lilac, red and orange light on it. He can make out the sight of the water meters in front of him, ripples and small waves going after each other. The sea breeze blows a little harsher for a second, and Baekhyun closes his eyes, basking in the poetic feeling he gets from everything around him. Staying here for the rest of his life doesn’t seem so bad.

He then hears a faint sound of someone sneezing - which must’ve been a loud sneeze that reaches his ears. Baekhyun opens his eyes and looks for the source of the sound, eyes scanning the shore. He finally finds the culprit, although he’s not even sure if what he’s seeing is a person or not. He can only make out the silhouette of a man, and the ugly neon blue color of the man’s swimming trunks. The man is slowly walking towards the pavement, which is still meters away, dragging a huge yellow surfboard with him, making a trail on the sands. Baekhyun wonders how the man got into his lot, only to be reminded that he doesn’t even have fences. Maybe he should consider installing them; wooden fences should be sufficient.

Baekhyun, however, didn’t expect the man to stop on his track, and now that the man is noticeably closer, he can actually see the man looking back at him, or maybe at the house, wondering why the lights are on. Maybe the man is also trying to make out his face, or his appearance overall, or maybe he’s also wondering if what he’s seeing on the porch is really a person. The point is, they somehow get engaged in a staring contest, despite not being able to meet each other’s eyes.

But then the man breaks it off and continues making his way to the pavement. Is he going home? Only in his swimming trunk? Is this how laid back this village is?

He immediately runs back inside when Jongdae calls for him.

“Whoa, it’s still here.”

Back when Baekhyun first visited Hannam to do a tour of the beach house with his mother and brother, they made a quick stop at a local restaurant, and the owner served them _jjampong_ that tasted so heavenly, and Baekhyun made a promise to himself he’d visit the restaurant again if he ever comes to Hannam in the future. Now that he’s finally here again, he’s about to fulfill the promise. Thankfully, the restaurant is still standing in its glory, with big red letters of ‘seafood cuisine’ printed on the glass and wooden double doors being held open for more air to support the fans inside.

But the owner is no longer the old man who had commented on how Baekhyun’s mother was lucky to have such sweet and well mannered sons. It’s now a young man, probably around his age, with round eyes staring back at him calmly behind a pair of thick framed glasses. The man doesn’t greet them with a smile, unlike the old man before. But the moment he escorts them to their table, speaking in his heavy and warm voice, Baekhyun can finally link it together.

“Where’s the owner Uncle?” Baekhyun asks cautiously as the man hands them the menu. A very short list of, well, seafood dishes. He hears Jongdae whisper ‘ _chicken popcorn and maekju?!’_ in delight while reading them. Maybe the menu has been upgraded.

“My granddad? He passed away last year.” the man finally offers them a smile, albeit small. “I’ve been taking care of the place ever since.

“I’m… so sorry to hear that.”

The smile gets a little wider. “Thanks. Should I leave to let you go through the menu first?”

“No need to. We’ll both have _jjampong_.” Baekhyun replies the smile.

“And the _chi-maek_ combo.” Jongdae adds as he hands the menu back to the man. “We are starving.”

The man chuckles, and Baekhyun finally feels at ease. “I can see that. Your order won’t take long.”

Once the man is out of the scene, Jongdae leans in to whisper. “I’m about to tell you something, but I think you’re going to make fun of me after.”

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. “I’d always make fun of you no matter what you say anyway. What is it?”

Jongdae rolls his eyes before he leans even more forward. “You see, there was a man who arrived like a minute after us. He’s now sitting behind you. Two tables from us. Don’t turn around.”

“And what about him?”

“He’s cute. Like, _frickin_ cute. And he’s been staring at me? I’ve been staring at him too, of course, so we’ve been glancing at each other every five seconds. What should I do about it? I’m suddenly nervous. Shit.”

Baekhyun can feel his own lips curling up. “Kim Jongdae?” he catches Jongdae’s attention. “Your ears… are red.”

Jongdae immediately covers his ears, pink hues now decorating his cheeks as well. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Should I ask the guy to join our table? You know I _love_ getting to know strangers.”

“I’ll lock you out of your own house, Byun Baekhyun.”

When Baekhyun is about to turn around to irritate Jongdae more, another man arrives at their table and serves their bowls of _jjampong_ , a plate of crispy looking chicken popcorn, and bottles of _maekju_. Baekhyun’s stomach immediately growls at the sight. He then blinks in question when another plate is put on the table; roasted squid glazed in chili sauce.

“A service.” the tall man says with a friendly smile. “From the owner.”

“At what occasion?”

“Kyungsoo was quite happy when people from outside Hannam remember his granddad.” the man says, this time with some sort of tenderness in his voice. So the owner’s name is Kyungsoo.

“Thank you very much!” Jongdae marvels at the roasted squid. “We’ll make sure to thank Kyungsoo ourselves later.”

The man nods. “He’d love that.” he says before bowing at them and walks away, tending to another table.

Baekhyun notices how the apron the man is wearing is black, just like the owner’s, unlike the other workers who wear khaki colored ones. Shaking the random, unnecessary information off his head, he gulps when he’s met with the bowl of _jjampong_ again. “Food coma?” he asks Jongdae.

Jongdae nods determinedly. “Food coma.”

And so they down the dishes at the speed of light. Baekhyun tries so hard to slow down and cherish the dish because unexpectedly, Kyungsoo’s version of _jjampong_ tastes even better than his granddad’s, as if it was upgraded without losing its origin. In the end, they order two more bottles of _maekju_ and a jug of cold mineral water to soothe their throats down. The spicy roasted squid turns to be the star of the night, with the squid being as soft as butter and the sauce hitting every taste buds on their tongues. What a great night as the start to their indefinite stay in Hannam. Baekhyun would gladly come back to this restaurant every night.

“But how could you tell we’re not locals?” Baekhyun’s eyes follow the movement of Kyungsoo’s hands as the said owner puts in the cash into the register machine.

“I simply never saw you two.” Kyungsoo answers, and there’s this aura from Kyungsoo’s poisedness that keeps Baekhyun’s interest up.

“Just that?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, handing Baekhyun the change. “Faces like you are hard to miss. When did you arrive here, if I may ask?”

“Just this morning.” Jongdae adds in. “We fell asleep as soon as we got here and woke up starving.”

“That’s the charm of Hannam.” Kyungsoo chuckles. “The sun here makes you so comfortable, you would never want to leave.”

“Do you take deliveries too? We’d love to order from home if we’re too lazy to go out.”

“Sure we do.” After scanning the cashier table, Kyungsoo realizes that the thing he’s looking for isn’t there. “Excuse me for a moment. Jongin?” he then turns his head towards the kitchen. “Have you seen the pamphlets?”

There is no answer, but in its place, they get the tall, handsome guy from earlier emerging from the kitchen door hurriedly. “Here, here.” he says, hands already reaching out for the drawers. Baekhyun frowns; he could’ve just shouted back at Kyungsoo where they are.

“You could’ve just told me.” Kyungsoo comments softly.

The Jongin guy just hands Kyungsoo the pamphlets, eyes glancing at Kyungsoo’s face for a moment before he flies back to the kitchen; it was for a few seconds, but it felt like Jongin was boring holes on Kyungsoo’s forehead - or he was caught in Kyungsoo’s gaze. Baekhyun tries so hard to hide his even heavier frown. What kind of painfully awkward tension was that?

“Anyway, just call us on this number. The menu is all there. But I do hope you’ll come here again.”

On their way out of the restaurant, Baekhyun feels a sudden pressure around his upper right arm; Jongdae is squeezing it hard. He almost showered Jongdae with profanities, but then he notices someone walking out of the building with them. It must be the ‘cute guy’ Jongdae had spazzed for earlier. The guy is cute indeed, with his grey tee covered in unbuttoned oversized monochrome checkered shirt, loose ripped jeans and white sneakers. He’s their height too; definitely Jongdae’s type.

And to Jongdae’s dismay - or technically _delight_ -, the guy turns his head at them and speaks, in a voice as clear as purified water it makes Jongdae gasp, “so, you guys are from the city, hm?”

“How could you tell?” Baekhyun answers, feeling giddy because God, Jongdae is trembling next to him.

The guy gestures at them from the top to the bottom. “Your entire appearance screams Seoul.”

“Wow, everyone’s very observant here.” Baekhyun laughs, already offering his hand. “Baekhyun.”

“Minseok.” the guy shakes Baekhyun’s hand; he’s got a firm grip, good. The guy turns to the still mute Jongdae. “Minseok. Nice to meet you, city guy.”

Jongdae takes Minseok’s hand and shakes them casually, obviously playing it cool. Baekhyun wants to cringe. “Jongdae. Nice to meet you, uh, village guy. Is that… was that okay?”

Minseok laughs amusedly, and Baekhyun swears Jongdae is trying so hard not to gawk. “More than okay. I’m actually from Busan, though. Former city guy, I am.”

“Oh? How did you end up here? I mean it’s not that far from here, but still.” Baekhyun asks, purely curious.

“Tired of the noise, I guess.” Minseok sighs shortly, and Baekhyun almost whistled in agreement. “Wanted some peace. Ended up staying for, hm, seven years already.”

“Whoa, seven years?”

“Addicted to being a sports teacher.”

“ _Sports teacher_.” Baekhyun marvels at how Minseok is giving such heavy vibes of a TV soap opera character right now.

“I also run a coffee shop near the school. You guys should drop by soon. I’m good at making Iced Americano.”

“Oh that’s your favorite, Baekhyun.” Jongdae comments a little bit too quickly. Baekhyun side-eyes his best friend.

“So, sports teacher in the morning, barista at day. What are you at night?”

“An old man? I like walking around the village at night. Old men’s habits.” Minseok finishes with a laugh.

“Oh, that’s your hobby, Jongdae.” Baekhyun smirks at his best friend. “You know, walking.”

Jongdae looks like he’s planning at least ten ways to murder him after this. However, his best friend turns to his village guy again. “So it seems like you’ve become an eternal part of this place.”

Minseok laughs warmly. “I guess.” he sighs once more. “It’s just what this village does to you. Once you get in, you’re never getting out.”

Baekhyun remembers Kyungsoo saying almost the same thing just minutes before.

“Anyway, I should be going now. My old man persona makes me sleep at nine thirty.” Minseok grins when both of them laugh. “Make sure to come to the coffee shop, okay?”

“Tomorrow. For sure.” Jongdae says loudly, as Minseok walks backwards, furthering from them. Baekhyun almost snorts.

Minseok gives them a thumb up before he spins around and jogs away.

Baekhyun looks at Jongdae with a smirk, not even saying a word, but it’s enough to keep Jongdae worked up.

“Shut up, Byun Baekhyun. Shut the fuck up. I’m warning you.”

“I’m not even talking!”

===

The morning sky that greets him outside the window is rather gloomy. Hues of grey and white fill his sight as he pushes the sashes outwards to let the chilly air in. Baekhyun leans for a moment against the bottom frame, basking in the poetic view of the shore in front of him. Just by looking at the entirety of it already gives him peace.

It’s been a great decision to come here. Maybe he should officially move here and be a teacher; like that Minseok guy.

He then gets reminded of Jongdae, which then makes him saunter down the stairs; Jongdae occupies the guest room on the first floor while Baekhyun has the entire second floor for himself, which is an open space that is almost half of the first floor’s size and overlooks the living room, with only white curtains securing the small area for the platform Queen size bed. When he carefully opens the door to the guest room, he finds Jongdae still snoring lightly under the blanket. He chuckles before he closes the door silently. His friend deserves rest after driving all the way from Seoul to this village.

But then it means he doesn’t have a breakfast buddy. So Baekhyun settles for a glass of warm milk which they managed to buy along with some instant food on their way back home last night. He goes to the front porch, wrapped in his old navy woolen cardigan, and sits on the wooden chair, facing the shore. The cold air blows harder than before, messing up his already unruly hair.

He eventually thinks that maybe he should thank the huge city of Seoul for giving him a headache, because it made him run here and find the beauty he’s seeing. It doesn’t make the dark, heavy thoughts go away, but it surely fades them a little for now. He’s going to let himself live in a fairytale for a long while before having to deal with reality once more. Before he eventually has to deal with _them_.

Are they missing him, back in the city? Are they thinking of him the way he’s thinking of them right now? Do they think of him as a coward for running away, or are they actually giving him some time and space?

Baekhyun takes a sip of his milk. Thinking about the answer would only make him more clueless.

“We need to do grocery shopping. Gotta eat real food. We can’t live off this fake noodle with fake broth.”

“And yet you’re eating them.” Baekhyun snorts as he pours more broth into his bowl.

Jongdae chews on his noodle sourly. “I’m hungry.”

“Hello there, hungry! Sorry I’m not your dad.”

“Do we go to Minseok’s cafe right after this?”

“ _We_? Go by yourself. I’m not going to be the third wheeler.”

“I’ve been the third wheeler for years for you and -” Jongdae pauses for a moment. Baekhyun thinks the bitterness he suddenly feels is contagious. “Sorry.”

Baekhyun sighs heavily. “Has _he_ called?” he gulps down. “Has anybody called for me?”

“Of course. I woke up to your mom’s fifth call this morning. I told her you’re doing fine and it’s best that you’re left alone for now. Your dad called thrice. Baekbeom hyung texted once. Your boss emailed you, he asked you to be back as soon as possible.”

“... and _he_?”

Jongdae places the chopsticks down. “Nothing.”

Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Baekhyun slams the ladle into the big bowl in front of him, frown getting deeper and deeper.

“You were the one who asked him for some space, though…”

Baekhyun stirs the noodles angrily.

“He’ll look for you.” Jongdae says gently, as if he’s comforting a child. “I’ll let you know.”

“You can burn my phone.” Baekhyun grunts. “Toss it into the waters. Don’t fucking care.”

He hears Jongdae chuckle in amusement.

As Minseok had told them, the cafe is really near the school. What they didn’t expect is that the cafe is right _across_ the school, and it’s _huge_. It’s not even the usual small sized and poetic looking cafe that people find at the corner of the intersection; it’s more like a two storey building with local fast food restaurant on the first floor - which clearly targeted the schoolers - and, finally, the sophisticated looking cafe on the top. It’s quite bizarre to see a fancy looking place in such a small village, but Baekhyun dismisses the thought when he sees Jongdae eagerly walking into the building. Dear Lord, Jongdae is so smitten for the man they just met yesterday.

“You own the entire place?” Baekhyun asks, as Minseok gestures them to sit on an intimate looking table of four while signaling for one of the workers to take their order.

Minseok wipes his hands against the dark brown apron covering him, sheepish yet shy grin adorning his face. “Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Two friends of mine both have fifteen percent of shares of ownership.” Minseok then settles himself on the velvety chair. “One of them is the tall man from the diner last night. Jongin, if you guys remember.”

“That still leaves you seventy percent.” Jongdae comments dreamily.

Baekhyun glances at his best friend judgingly before he turns at Minseok again. “The waiter?”

Minseok chuckles. “He’s not really a waiter there. He’s the owner of the home appliances store next to Kyungsoo’s diner. He helps around after he closed for the day. And yeah, he also bought fifteen percent of ownership from me.”

“I knew it.” Baekhyun whispers under his breath. Something was different about that Jongin guy. Not to mention the awkwardness he shared with -

“Are they lovers?” Jongdae beats him to it. Baekhyun wants to choke Jongdae so bad.

Something changes on Minseok’s face, and it’s not something delightful. “ _Were_.” he then flashes a friendly yet forced smile. “Let me check the kitchen. Gotta make sure your orders are taken care of first.”

When Minseok is out of sight, Baekhyun glares at his best friend. “Stop butting your nose against someone else’s business.”

“Prick, you were curious as well. Hypocrite.”

Baekhyun can’t even deny it.

After a glass of Iced Americano and a piece of banana muffin, Baekhyun excuses himself out of the place, reasoning that he still needs to do some grocery shopping and he doesn’t want to procrastinate until evening. Jongdae, knowing too well that they hadn’t talked any word about it, immediately agrees to Baekhyun’s silent plan of giving Jongdae his time alone with Minseok - and even sweetly asks Baekhyun to be careful so he won’t get lost. Baekhyun wants to puke.

“There’s a local market here but it only opens very early in the morning. You can go to Suho, it’s our one and only department store but it’s very huge and convenient.” Minseok says while he and Jongdae send him off.

 _Yeah, yeah,_ Baekhyun bids them bye and immediately walks out of the building. The sun is warm enough to make his eyes feel heavy. _Bed, oh, bed, here I come_.

However, something makes him stop in his tracks when he arrives at the shore. A silhouette of a man, with a huge surfing board, standing before the waters. Someone has trespassed into his property again.

Could it be the guy from yesterday? The neon blue swimming trunk?

Something in the back of his mind makes him walk straight towards the shore instead of the house. Baekhyun takes his shoes off to be able to walk on the sands faster, and when he finally arrives behind the man - who is _thankfully_ wearing a black trunk this time -, he forces himself to speak. “Excuse m -”

The man, the _very_ tall man, jumps in shock by his voice, which then makes Baekhyun himself screams. Both of them stumble backwards, away from each other. _What the fuck?!_

“I’m sorry!” the tall man breathes out, voice deep and a little bit husky, still trembling from the shock, round eyes still wide in horror.

Baekhyun shakes his head, suppressing the laughter that is bubbling in his throat. “No, no, I _am_ sorry. Shouldn’t have crept in like that.”

“I was… daydreaming.” the man grins sheepishly. Baekhyun wonders why he had to tell him that. Then a hand is stretched out towards him. “Chanyeol.” the man then says.

“Baekhyun.” he takes the hand and shakes it. _What a firm grip_. “You like surfing?”

A shy chuckle echoes from the Chanyeol guy’s mouth as he turns to look at the surfing board. It’s a shiny bright red board, with a huge drawing of fire in the middle. “I would’ve _loved_ it if only I could actually do it.” he then turns at Baekhyun, who’s now looking at him in curiosity. “I’m still learning how to.”

“Shouldn’t you get a coach for it?”

“I’ve had one. But he’s in the city, and I’m here, so I can only try to do what he taught me.” Chanyeol then shakes the board in his grip. “I’ve memorized the steps. All I need to do is to get on this without falling. Do you… know how to surf?”

Baekhyun immediately shakes his head. “I’m a home fairy. Sorry for disappointing you.”

Chanyeols throws his head back, laughing like a little kid. Baekhyun wonders what was so funny about what he said. “Then I guess I won’t have to try hard in front of you. We both are clueless after all.”

“Touche. But if I may ask,” Baekhyun waits until Chanyeol’s attention is on him again, “why this part of the shore? I mean, there’s a part of the beach open to the public, right? Why here?”

“Oh!” Chanyeol then looks at the skies. “This might sound absurd, but,” his voice gets softer in each word, “the sky looks prettier from here.”

 _The sky looks the same from everywhere, but wow, you’re adorable_. “Okay.”

“What about you?” Chanyeol then looks at him. “What are you doing here?”

Baekhyun simply stretches a hand to point at the house. “I live there. Since yesterday.”

It takes Chanyeol a moment before his round eyes widen again, this time in a delightful shock. “Whoa, seriously?” he marvels. “Wait, I was here yesterday and I was walking out, then I saw someone standing on the porch. Was it you?”

“And you were the guy in blue swimming trunks. I guess we were staring at each other yesterday.”

“Oh _thank God_ ,” Chanyeol puts a hand on his chest, “I thought it was a ghost! Since I’ve never seen anybody coming out of that house.”

“And I thought you were a creeper in underwear.” Baekhyun snickers. “I see you’ve been trespassing, hm.”

Chanyeol grins, hugging his surfing board while at it. _Why are you so freaking’ adorable, you gigantic fool_. “I apologize for the inconvenience. Should I start paying the entrance fee?”

 _Oho, are we flirting?_ “Just make sure you wear a shirt next time.” Baekhyun feigns arrogance before breaking into a giggling fit.

“So you’re not stopping me from coming here?”

“Why would I? When you were the one who found that the sky is prettier from here.”

The mischievousness on Chanyeol’s face dissipates almost immediately, and Baekhyun spontaneously thinks he has said something so weird it baffled the guy. But then the expression turns rather gentle, and Baekhyun watches silently as Chanyeol looks up at the horizon again. “It does look much prettier from here.”

 _I still can’t see how, but damn, you’re adorable_.

“Well, thanks to you, now I’ll make sure to pay attention to the sky aside from the sea.” Baekhyun says, already stepping backwards. “I gotta go inside. Um... will you be here tomorrow?”

The look in Chanyeol’s eyes doesn’t give away what he’s thinking at the moment. Does he find it disheartening that Baekhyun is leaving? Or is it what he’s been waiting for? “If tomorrow is sunny, I’ll be here.” he then smiles, and Baekhyun thinks he’s never found such joy in a mere bright, boyish smile like that.

“I think it’ll definitely be sunny, though? It’s still the beginning of summer.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol’s smile fades a little, “you’ll never know when the sky will cry.”

Baekhyun can’t find any word to reply to that sudden sentiment, but he knows Chanyeol is not expecting any feedback, for the guy is already turning around while waving at him. In seconds, Chanyeol is running into the waters again.

He walks to his house, not without looking back to see how Chanyeol is doing. It’s when Chanyeol gets into the water that he finally shuts the door. Only ten minutes of encounter and he’s already so curious and smitten like this? Now he sees what Jongdae was dealing with.

===

Somehow, in the span of less than 24 hours, Minseok swiftly becomes their personal tour guide. The sports teacher slash barista slash cafe and restaurant owner visits them by seven to take them to a ‘simple dinner’. Turns out Minseok drags them to a night street market, where a bunch of villagers sell street food and goods in small stalls. It’s located in the middle of the village’s largest community park, right across the building of Suho, the well known department store. Apparently, this small village lives big.

Baekhyun is mystified by the warm white LED lights stretched above him, from one lamp post to another. People’s chatter welcomes him as he explores deeper into the place. He gulps when he spots a stall of fish cake dipped in a bowl of hot broth and immediately tells Jongdae about it. But of course, Jongdae couldn’t care any less, for he’s still listening to Minseok’s explanation about the origin of the village’s idea to hold the night market thrice a week. Minseok is obviously enjoying his chance to get Jongdae’s full attention, and Jongdae is obviously aware of it and is more than glad to be caught in it. Baekhyun rolls his eyes so hard his head stings for a moment.

They settle for the biggest stall in the place, which serves _tteokbokki_ and various drinks. “Dude!” Minseok cheerily calls for the man behind the huge cooking pan.

“Hey!” the man calls back, sharing the same joy. “Where are our guests?”

“Here, here.” Minseok steps aside, giving the space to both of them. “Guys, this is Junmyeon, my best pal. Junmyeon, these are Baekhyun and Jongdae.”

“Nice to meet you two!” Junmyeon flashes his shining-even-brighter-than-diamonds smile, which compliments his already so good looking face. “Especially you, Jongdae, because Minseok here couldn’t stop talking about you.”

Baekhyun almost choked on his own snort. “This Jongdae here couldn’t stop talking about Minseok, so I feel you, dude, really.”

Minseok laughs shyly while Jongdae groans in embarrassment, making Junmyeon grin. Baekhyun can already feel the friendliness in the _tteokbokki_ guy. “Can we have three complete servings? We’re kind of starving.”

“Sure thing. How about the drinks?”

“I’ll have my usual.” Minseok then turns at them. “Their lemon soda is the best.”

“Then we’ll have that too.” Jongdae nods. Baekhyun shakes his head in amusement.

“‘Kay, let me fetch auntie.” Junmyeon then disappears from behind the stall.

Baekhyun looks at Minseok, confused, and Minseok immediately provides the answer to the obvious question. “It’s his stall, but he’s not the one working. In fact, he provided the other stalls here. People rent them. _And_ ,” he points at the tall department store building not too far from their sight, “he’s the owner of Suho.”

Baekhyun and Jongdae can only nod.

“And he’s also the other friend who owns a part of my business.”

They nod once more. “Damn.” he hears Jongdae whisper.

“Don’t worry. He’s very nice.” Minseok says, as if he’s assuring a child, “he’s the type of friend who’ll buy you a car if you complain about not having one.”

Jongdae inhales sharply, then turns at him. “There’s a whole fine man like that, and I’m stuck with you?”

Baekhyun gives him his sweet smile. “Move your pillows to the porch tonight.”

An elderly woman comes into their sight and greets them with a warm smile. She starts working on stirring the mix of _tteokbokki_ , fish cakes, fish balls and onion drowning in red sauce on the huge rectangle cooking pan. She doesn’t say anything afterwards, which makes Junmyeon take the liberty to keep the conversation going once he’s back. Baekhyun doesn’t really mind the lack of words; watching the woman stirring the food is already calming. The sound of people’s constant chatter and softly humming acoustic music is enough as an entertainment for him.

“You really should drop by. I always walk around the store so we’d bound to meet.” Junmyeon steals his attention again. He makes a note of Junmyeon’s appearance; neat and crisp, like the type of young man every mother in South Korea would want to send their daughter to.

“Will do.” Baekhyun says, eyes shifting to the bowl of hot _tteokbokki_ being handed to him. He gulps down his saliva.

“So where else have you visited here?”

“They already went to Kyungsoo’s.” Minseok answers it for them. “They had a feast.”

Jongdae nods excitedly then starts describing the jjampong, chicken popcorn and the bonus spicy roasted squid they had last night. Baekhyun holds in his snort when he notices Minseok looking at Jongdae like his best friend is some kind of fascinating magical creature. He swears to himself that when they hit it off later, he won’t let them get away from his teasings.

“Oh, you’re here.” he looks up from his bowl when he hears Minseok greeting someone, and he finds a newcomer standing next to the school teacher. Tall, fair white skin, sharp eyes that complete the disinterested look on a well sculpted face. Is he a model?

“Yeah.” the model guy’s voice compliments the overall cold look. “Where’s Myeon?”

“' _Hyung_ '.” Minseok chides at the lack of formality. So the model guy is younger than them; and he's side eyeing Minseok with annoyance. “He’s talking to the Uncle next booth - oh, he’s coming back.”

When Junmyeon walks in, face lighting up with recognition, the model guy immediately turns to him and Baekhyun swears he's seeing a whole different person; model guy is now grinning at Junmyeon, eyes disappearing into crescent moons. Who the _hell_ is this person?

"That's Sehun, Myeon's cousin." Minseok fills in the blanks in head. "Junmyeon's family literally raised him, since his parents died a few months after his birth."

Baekhyun nods absentmindedly as he watches Junmyeon engulfing Sehun the model guy into his arms, despite being noticeably shorter than the younger dude. "I assume they haven't met for quite a long time?'

Minseok chuckles. "Sehun is the chief finance officer in Junmyeon's store. They just saw each other hours ago." It seems like Minseok is enjoying the baffled look on his face. "Yeah, they're always so all over each other. Junmyeon treats Sehun like his own son."

"Look here, our guests from the city." Junmyeon politely gestures at them. "Baekhyun and Jongdae. Say hi!"

"Hi." Sehun greets monotonously with a slight bow.

"Sorry about this frog. His face looks as flat as a paper, but he easily latches on people like a koala in heat."

Sehun elbows the snickering Junmyeon before bowing once more. "Nice to meet you both. Are you guys liking it here?"

Jongdae, being a spokesperson for the team, does the job in explaining to Sehun the great things they've found in the village so far. Baekhyun's mind drift away again, ever so easily, like they never really settled on the ground. They finally get stuck in this particular sound, a particular voice harmonizing with the strum of an acoustic guitar. His head turns to find the source of the voice. After a moment, he finally finds it, in the form of a man sitting on the small makeshift stage in the middle of the marketplace.

Baekhyun turns his whole body to face the man, sitting there a few meters away from him. Back slightly bent in the trance of producing such beautiful melodies, eyes closed, fingers automatically dancing on the strings. The face looks familiar. Too familiar for him to ignore. He chuckles; the universe can’t be this lazy.

“Cool, isn’t he.” Junmyeon comes in by his left. “I wish I can play like that too.” he then wiggles the fingers of his both hands, playing an imaginary guitar.

“I know him.” the words leave his lips before he could think them through.

“Oh? Chanyeol? How?”

 _He trespassed on my property every day._ “He was at… the shore. Met him there.”

“Oh, right. He loves to surf. In fact, that’s the only thing he does here.” Junmyeon snickers. “Aside from entertaining people here at the night market and helping around at the hospice at least once a week. That guy leads a very peaceful life.”

Baekhyun tears his gaze off of Chanyeol to look at Junmyeon. “You seem to know a lot about him.” _and are being unnecessarily informative._

“That’s pretty much the only stuff I know. Or dare I say, everybody.”

“Everybody?”

“This is a small town. You’re bound to know everybody and their things in the end.” Junmyeon shrugs. “But in his case, all we know is that he’s not from here. We don’t even know when exactly he arrived here. One day he just started to show up randomly around. It’s not helping that he’s being secretive about himself as well.”

“... oh.” Baekhyun’s gaze lingers to Chanyeol again. The entire fact about Chanyeol sounds alarmingly suspicious, but he doesn’t say a thing about it when he sees Junmyeon’s ever so poised face. Chanyeol could be a serial killer in a run and later when he gets Junmyeon, this man could be dying yet still has his shiny businessman smile intact.

“The atmosphere here has gotten livelier because of his singing, though. He even refuses to get paid for that. What a cool dude. Anyway,” Junmyeon turns at him, “did he say anything to you? About himself. Or literally anything else.”

Hesitant, Baekhyun shakes his head slowly. “Nothing worth the talk, I guess? Can’t remember most of it anyway.”

Junmyeon hums to himself. “Mysterious. Even cooler.”

“Do you think he’ll be staying for long?” Baekhyun asks out of the blue.

“No idea. Seems like he would, though. What about you? You and your friend.”

“We won’t be here for that long.”

“Be careful.” Junmyeon smirks at him. “This town has this thing of making people in it stay for long.”

With those words, Junmyeon takes his leave. Baekhyun is now alone, confused, and unsure of what to do aside from watching Chanyeol get immersed in his own play. Now he’s seeing Chanyeol in a rather different light. What’s with that guy? Where is he from? What kind of things is he up to?

Feeling overwhelmed with his own thoughts out of sudden, Baekhyun turns around and walks away to find Jongdae. He informs his friend that he’s feeling unwell, and Jongdae looks so torn to leave Minseok in the middle of a good conversation. Baekhyun decides to give Jongdae his time with Minseok and bides the others bye.

And so he walks away alone, glancing back one last time. Somehow, Chanyeol happens to be looking at his direction, and they engage themselves into another impromptu staring contest that lasts for a few seconds before Baekhyun breaks it and resumes to walk away.

His heart is pounding in his chest, and he still can’t tell what the cause is.

===

 _‘... is he?_ ’

‘ _Not… but not… either._ ’

‘ _This… the first… would have… him._ ’

‘ _Dear, can… me?_ ’

‘ _...hyun?_ ’

* * *


	3. The Feeling

He jolts awake with a dry gasp.

Baekhyun immediately sits up, head aching on the process. Something is rumbling in his chest, loud and painful, making it difficult for him to breathe steadily. He gulps down the dryness and nauseous feeling in his throat.

What was he dreaming about? He can’t remember anything from it. But one thing for sure is that it wasn’t pleasant, and it left this horrible feeling that is messing him up. He can recall voices, but can’t figure out what they were saying. He can’t recall anything that he saw. Did he even see something?

He falls backwards onto the bed with a soft thud, feeling knocked out. His gaze shifts to the windows, finding that the sky is still dark outside. What time is it? He looks for the clock on the wall to his right. It’s four in the morning. He could’ve had his wonderful eight hours sleep if only the nightmare never ruined his night.

Funny, how that kind of nightmare has happened to him often ever since months ago, yet he still can’t get used to it. He’s not even hoping it’ll go away, he just wants to be able to recover from it quickly. He can’t even blame anyone or anything for it; his psychiatrist friend told him it was stress induced nightmares. See? He can’t eliminate the cause when it’s his own self. All he can hope for is to be fine so he won’t have to wake up feeling like someone has stolen his vital organs anymore.

But when will he be fine?

With that question in mind, sleep gently pulls him away again.

  
  


“Unbelievable.” Baekhyun mumbles, staring at Jongdae who is still in a deep sleep on the bed. He has tried to wake his best friend, but Jongdae wouldn’t even budge from his spot, snoring softly.

Sighing, Baekhyun reaches out for Jongdae’s nose and pinches it, closing both holes. Jongdae struggles to breathe for a moment. Baekhyun laughs before releasing his grip on the nose, letting his friend be. Surely Jongdae had a good night with Minseok.

But now he has to do grocery shopping all by himself.

Baekhyun goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, taking a moment to look at himself in the mirror. The last time he took time to look at the mirror, he was distressed and troubled. Now he’s facing his own reflection with a much calmer heart. This place is really doing good things for him. At least this time he can just look at himself without having to hate how hollowed out he appears to be.

Not even bothered to change the tee and sweatpants, he puts on the denim jacket he wore last night and walks out of the house. The way to the morning market is not that far. With the weather being slightly gloomy like this, he feels like he can walk for the whole day. Maybe that’s what he should do in order to clear his mind up; walk, and walk, until he’s lost on the road.

The old ladies at the morning market are very sweet to him, giving him so many tips about cooking and choosing ingredients at their best state. In the span of thirty minutes, Baekhyun is already holding three days worth of food ingredients, and he didn’t even spend more than his daily meal budget in Seoul. He still needs to go to Junmyeon’s department store later in the afternoon to buy other necessities. There’s an _oden_ stall at the entrance of the market which had captivated him earlier, and as soon as he’s done with grocery shopping, he immediately visits it and orders a bowl of fishcake and octopus. Even the stall’s Uncle is very friendly. Everybody here is so welcoming, and maybe that’s the other thing that keeps Baekhyun warm aside from the broth he’s sipping.

“Our village doesn’t get many visitors, but there are some, if not a lot of them, that end up staying here. Our village just has this kind of thing, you know.”

But of course it still irks him, how everybody here seems to be overly informative of things he didn’t even ask about. Maybe it’s just how it is here; everyone shares stuff as a form of intimacy.

There are boxes filled with fishcakes and a couple of containers for the broth. “Is someone buying that much?” Baekhyun asks in wonder.

“Oh, yes, the hospice. They give the patients free fishcakes every now and then. We’re sending those to them.” The excitement on the old man’s face then dissipates a little as he leans in to whisper, “have you heard about that rumor?”

 _Overly informative as always._ “What rumor?”

“About the hospice.”

“What about the hospice?”

“There’s this one room they never touched. It was said that a patient has been locked in it for a long time.”

“Uncle? Are you scaring people away again?” a man comes to his rescue, laughing at him sheepishly. “Sorry, my Uncle is annoying.”

Baekhyun forces a smile as he takes his boxed fishcake.

  
  


On his way home, he notices a flower shop which he remembers he had passed by earlier. There’s a bouquet of white and yellow flowers in the glass display at the front that catches his eyes, despite him not knowing what kind of flowers they are. He’s reminded of those movies where the main character just randomly stops by a flower shop and buys a bouquet, and the very said bouquet fixes all the problems the main character has with their loved ones. Should he buy one too?

Without him realizing it, he’s already walking into the shop. The front room is decorated in Vintage style, all with bouquet and vases of flowers at every nook and cranny. There’s a desk and a few chairs at the corner, probably for guests to rest on while they wait for their personally selected flowers to be arranged. There’s also a door that leads to another room at the back, and when he takes a peek, he can see a glimpse of a bright room with even more flowers. He steps backwards when someone suddenly appears from behind the door. The man blinks at him for a second before greeting him with a small smile. “Welcome. Have you found what you like?”

There’s just something on the man’s face, or maybe his whole presence, that makes Baekhyun go blank for a moment. “I…” he murmurs as his left hand points at the glass display at the front, struggling while holding a couple of plastic bags, “there’s this one with white and yellow flowers in it.”

“Would you like the artificial ones? Or the fresh ones?”

“Uh, which one is better?”

The man looks at him for a moment before chuckling softly. “No one’s better than the other. It’s just a matter of how you plan on keeping them. Please take a seat first, those bags must be heavy.”

Baekhyun follows the man’s suggestion and makes his way to the chairs in front of the desk. “Which one is easier to take care of?”

“Hm, both need effort. The fresh ones need to be kept in a water filled vase, and you have to change the water at least once every two days. The artificial ones, though, you can place them anywhere possible, but the fabric easily collects dust.”

“Then I’ll take the fresh ones.”

“Well chosen.” the man muses. “You must be the guy from the city.”

At this point, Baekhyun isn’t surprised anymore. “Yeah. I’m Baekhyun.” he smiles sheepishly while offering a hand.

“Yixing.” the man shakes his hand briefly. “I’ll prepare your flowers. Is twenty minutes okay?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “That’s quite fast.”

Yixing replies with a smile. “I’ll have someone make you a cup of tea.”

Then the florist disappears behind the door again. Baekhyun can’t help but wonder, for the nth time, about how nice the people here are. Or maybe it’s the life in the city that has ruined his perception about how people should act towards each other. Maybe humans should’ve been this nice.

While he’s lost in his thoughts, someone comes in from the back with a small tray in his hands, and Baekhyun blinks repeatedly in surprise. “Junmyeon?”

“Oh, city guy!” Junmyeon exclaims, flashing his bright businessman smile again. He’s in crisp looking baby blue shirt and formal dark grey cotton pants, complete with black formal shoes, but he’s serving him a cup of tea. “Never expected to meet you here.”

“I can say the same.” Baekhyun takes the cup from the tray. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Suho?”

Junmyeon places the tray on the desk. “Sehun is filling in for me. I took care of some stuff and went here immediately. Was missing my fiance.”

Baekhyun frowns in confusion before everything clicks in his head. “Yixing?”

“Yep.” Junmyeon’s smile gets even brighter.

Just right after, Yixing appears from the other room again, this time with a bouquet of fresh flowers in his arms. Junmyeon says something to his _fiance_ , which the latter chuckles shyly at. What a sweet moment, causing Baekhyun’s stomach to churn unpleasantly.

“I hope you like this.” Yixing sniffs the flowers briefly before handing the bouquet to him.

Which then makes Baekhyun copy the action. “I love it.” he says genuinely. “They’re beautiful.”

“We should all hang out as soon as possible.” Junmyeon chirps in. “Us, you and Jongdae, then Sehun and Minseok. Oh, Kyungsoo and Jongin as well.”

Baekhyun doesn’t miss the slight twitch on Yixing’s gentle smile; his best guess would be that something bad happened between the mentioned couple. His gaze then travels along Junmyeon’s arm resting around Yixing’s shoulder comfortably. “You two look good together.” he blurts out.

Faint pinkish hues spread across Yixing’s cheeks while Junmyeon smiles proudly. “Our wedding would be on Christmas this year!”

Once again, Yixing’s smile falters, and it’s more apparent this time. Baekhyun tries to pretend he didn’t notice it. “Congratulations.” he nods instead. “It’s pretty soon, huh?”

“Well, we didn’t want to wait any longer.”

“I hope you and Jongdae will still be here by then.” Yixing finally says something.

“Oh,” Baekhyun mumbles, hesitant, “I’m not sure we’ll be here for that long.”

Yixing nods slowly. “I see. But I’ll make sure we send both of you some dried fruits from the ceremony.”

“Don’t worry, Xing, they’ll be there.” Junmyeon tightens his hold around his fiance. “I have a feeling.”

Baekhyun, not knowing what to properly answer that, just laughs as politely as he could. “I guess I should be going for now.” he speeds up the words.

He ends up getting the flowers for free; Yixing asks him to consider it as a welcome gift. Junmyeon reminds him about the possible gathering before sending him off. Baekhyun keeps his walk fast because the plastic bags are heavy - and something was suffocating him back in the shop. Something intangible, one that he can’t explain.

  
  


When he arrives home, Jongdae is nowhere to be found.

In Jongdae’s place, instead, is a piece of paper, neatly tucked between the fruit basket and utensils holder. ‘ _Away with Minseok. Sudden lunch. I’ll do the laundry later. Bye sucker._ ’

“Sudden date, dumbass.” Baekhyun corrects loudly. He shakes his head in disbelief before chuckling. His friend is really getting it, and he’s feeling happy and relieved because of it. At least one of them has to have a nice love life. They can’t be miserable together forever.

He fixes himself a bowl of bibimbap, using bits of chopped octopus instead of beef, and eats in silence since Jongdae has his phone and he’s not feeling like turning on the TV in the living room. But he does eat on the coffee table, right in front of the TV, occasionally glaring at his own reflection on the black screen. His mind wanders around, and there’s this irking feeling that tells him he’s forgetting something important. What could it be? He gives up trying to figure it out after a moment. He finishes his food and immediately gets up to wash the dishes.

Once he’s done, he stands idly in the middle of the kitchen, thinking about what to do next. He feels like napping, but his stomach is still too full for him to lie down. Then he’s reminded of a couple of novel books he had brought with him from Seoul. He goes upstairs and finds them in his backpack. Holding both of the books in his hands, he contemplates about which one he should read first. One is romance themed, while the other has a touch of sci-fi and fantasy. And a lot of angst going on. Just right his style.

He settles down with the one titled ‘Above Time’. The synopsis promises that the story would be bittersweet. Baekhyun plops down onto the couch and starts flipping the pages. The prologue of the story is indeed sweet, with a lot of pictures decorating the pages, and he ends up thinking that this one might not really be his style after all. He flips quite far, almost near the middle of the story, and that’s when a sentence catches his attention.

\- _Without us knowing, our lives have tilted as we started resembling each other. Now I wonder if you resent me for knowing you too much, or if I resent myself for not knowing myself anymore because all I know now is you._ -

\- _I remember we used to call the moon a jar, and we filled it with our wishes. I thought, if two people wish for one thing, the chances of it being granted is even higher. But what if… what if we wished for different things?_ -

He flips, and flips.

\- _There are unfinished words, inside the parentheses that we left there. Because we never had the courage, the heart, to hurt each other’s feelings. But it also made us fail to see the true feelings in our eyes._ -

\- _Now, that I’m finally on my way to you, would the blanks be filled? Would I, finally, get to tell you what I couldn’t?_ -

He closes the book with a loud thud. He doesn’t need anything to remind him of his own angst. It’s supposed to be his vacation, free from disturbing thoughts.

He’s trying hard to not think of _him_.

Without him knowing, his gaze shifts towards the window. The sunlight is making his eyes feel heavy. He lies down on the couch and closes his eyes; maybe a nap could take his thoughts away.

  
  


When Baekhyun opens his eyes again, it’s already very late in the afternoon. The sun is getting ready to set. He marvels at how pretty the colors are, thinking that the view would be perfect to be enjoyed while walking along the shore line.

That’s when he’s reminded of someone;

Chanyeol.

He’s reminded of the things Junmyeon told him about the guy. Something is off about him. And of course, it only increases Baekhyun’s curiosity about everything that surrounds him. He has to take a second look on Chanyeol to decide if he really should be avoided or it’s just the poorly summarized reputation that precedes him.

But should Baekhyun really be concerned about these things? When he’s supposed to be enjoying his drama-free life here. Besides, Chanyeol being a psychopath or not shouldn’t be a problem since he won’t be staying here for long to actually be impacted by the fact.

Baekhyun stares at the ceiling for a long, long time.

 _Oh fuck it_. He gets up in less than a second and goes to the kitchen to get a cup of water. Once he’s taken care of the dryness in his throat, he grabs the jacket that was hung on a chair at the dining table. He walks out of his house in a pair of slippers. In thriller movies, this would be the moment when the victim sashays into their own death by fraternizing with the serial killer.

He can already spot Chanyeol a few steps from the porch. The mysterious guy is sitting on the sand, facing the sea. Next to him is his surfboard, resting like a loyal friend. And oh, he’s wearing an oversized white tee today. What a considerate man.

Chanyeol finally senses his presence, and automatically waves at him when he’s near enough. “Sorry, I trespassed again.” he tells him without remorse.

“You wearing a shirt is the entrance fee.” Baekhyun replies without missing a beat, despite the sudden spike of heartbeat. Now he’s seeing Chanyeol differently than the way he did a couple days ago.

“Geez, you’re so generous.” Chanyeol says with a grin. “So. Still enjoying this place?”

Baekhyun takes a seat next to the mysterious guy, facing the sea as well. “Yep.” he hums. “It’s been… pleasant. And comfy.”

“Saw you leaving the market last night.”

“Oh, right,” Baekhyun turns at him, “you were so good with the guitar. And you sounded very lovely.”

“Lovely.” Chanyeol repeats the word, chuckling right after. “Thank you.”

“Do you always play there?” Baekhyun feigns curiosity. He’ll decide whether Chanyeol needs to be avoided or not after he gathers the information independently.

Chanyeol nods without hesitation. “Every night. Well, almost. If I don’t feel well to go out then I’d let the owner know.”

“Junmyeon?”

“Yes, Junmyeon. I assume you’ve met him?”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun takes a moment to think. “I’ve met a few people, actually.”

This time, Chanyeol is the one who turns at him. “Would you like to tell me their names? Maybe I know one or two of them.”

Maybe Chanyeol genuinely wants to know, because then they could bond over their mutual acquaintances. Or Chanyeol could be listing his next targets. Eitherwise, Baekhyun doesn’t mind the faint alarm in his head; he starts recalling the names he had learnt in the span of a few days. “Well, first I and my friend met Kyungsoo, the owner of that diner that serves a very tasty jjampong.”

“I frequent there! His chicken and beer combo is the best.”

“I know, right?” Baekhyun marvels at the memory of the savory taste on his tongue. “Then Jongin, he was helping around. Then Minseok who just happened to have dinner there as well, and now my friend is abandoning me to go out with him.”

“Minseok, as in Kim Minseok the teacher at the local high school?”

Baekhyun nods excitedly. “Then last night Minseok took us to the night market, and we met Junmyeon and Sehun there. Then this morning I met Yixing, he’s Junmyeon’s fiance. Aside from them, hm, a bunch of elders whose names I didn’t ask.”

Chanyeol nods, looking like he’s processing the information carefully. “So we’re in the same circle.”

“Huh?”

“I can say I literally only know them in this town.” Chanyeol shrugs with a small smile. “I mean, well, I also know some people, but the ones you mentioned are the ones who are the closest to me here. And I’m not even that close with them. Well, I play basketball with Sehun often. Maybe he’s the closest to me.”

Baekhyun tries so hard not to give away the flooding questions and confusion in his head. Last night Junmyeon talked about Chanyeol as if the guy is a complete stranger. Now Chanyeol’s implying that they are his only friends here. “So you’re not from around here after all, hm?”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol says sheepishly. “Been here only for a few months.”

“Where are you from?”

“Seoul. You?”

“Seoul as well. Wow. Didn’t expect to find another runaway here.” Baekhyun chuckles. “Tired of the city noise?” _because I fucking am_.

He watches as Chanyeol takes his time to answer. The still mysterious guy turns his head towards the sea again, looking like he’s thinking it through - like he’s choosing his words wisely. “I just felt like the fast paced life wasn’t for me anymore.” he then reveals. “Like, I had to slow down, somehow. Like I was… free-falling, and it took quite a while for me to finally open my parachute.”

Baekhyun leans back a little, quite stunned by Chanyeol’s choice of words. “Hm.” he nods.

“Was it like that with you too?”

His breath halts upon realizing what Chanyeol was asking him. “Me?” Baekhyun leans back. “Well, hm, maybe. Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“I mean, well, I didn’t mind the fast paced life or something. It’s just that… I got sick of people around me.”

He feels Chanyeol’s gaze on him, burning with held back curiosity. “What about them?”

Baekhyun feels like laughing, out of bitterness. “I know right? What about them anyway. They’re just… well,”

‘ _Baekhyun, dear, all I ask is for you to be more open about this. How many times do I have to beg you? I know what you feel inside. Of all people, I should be the one who knows it too well. But it’s not it. Not like this, Baekhyun._ ’

“some of the people around me are foolish, weak, gullible,”

‘ _It’s alright. I would never blame you for hating me. I could never._ ’

“some are very good at guilt tripping me, when it was obviously their fault,”

‘ _For God’s sake, Byun Baekhyun, it’s been a decade! Get the hell over it and stop making it difficult for everybody! You’re not the only one hurt, you know that._ ’

“some think I’m a robot who can’t feel,”

‘ _Don’t I deserve your trust, Baek?_ ’

“and some are just…” Baekhyun gulps down the growing emotion in his throat. He doesn’t finish his sentence, for no words could describe _him_ without being villainizing.

He feels warmth on his right shoulder; Chanyeol is patting his back gently. He expects Chanyeol to tell him some encouraging words that would only exit his head right after the moment they enter his ears. But the mysterious guy just keeps on patting him for a moment, and then stops to face the sea again. This is actually what Baekhyun needs more than just empty words; he needs to know that he’s heard and understood.

“Every now and then, I wonder if I made a mistake. Running away from my problems.” Chanyeol then says. “Like, maybe I could’ve handled them just fine, if only I had endured a little more.”

“Do you?” Baekhyun looks at the sands around his feet. “Consider it a mistake.”

“Still can’t decide.” Chanyeol chuckles lightly. “All I’m sure of is that I feel much better here than back there.”

Baekhyun finds himself nodding, agreeing to the words. He does feel much, _much_ better here, walking around and staring at the sea than sitting in his spacious apartment with the weight of the world on his shoulder. “Hey,” he looks up at Chanyeol, hoping he could alter the topic, “are you still going to surf today?”

Chanyeol stares at him for a moment, as if he’s thinking through something, then glances at the surfboard next to him. “I’m actually done for today.” he gets back at him again with a sheepish smile.

“Oh. I wanted to see it, though.”

“See what?”

“You, falling from the board.”

Baekhyun originally said it to make Chanyeol laugh, but he didn’t expect the guy to laugh so hard. What did he say again? He can’t even be sure now. “You should’ve been here half an hour ago!” Chanyeol tells him once he’s done wheezing. “You would’ve had the time of your life.”

“Why do you even try so hard to do it?” Baekhyun asks out of genuine curiosity. “No offense, but we all have some things we were just born to suck at. Maybe you’re just not… meant to surf?”

Chanyeol accepts the question with a chuckle, much to his relief. But he also doesn’t answer right away, and Baekhyun can see the change of light on his face.

“Someone…” Chanyeol says softly, “someone made me learn how.”

Baekhyun didn’t expect that kind of answer.

“I mean, we promised to do it together. But now _he_ ’s… not around any longer now,” Chanyeol’s gaze shifts towards the sky above them, “and I feel like I should keep my promise. So. Here I am. But you’re right, I’ve started to think I’m not cut out for this.” he glances at him, looking amused. “I’ll try a bit more, though.”

There was no wavering in his voice, nor was there any hint of gloom on his expression, but to Baekhyun, Chanyeol is looking like the saddest person on Earth at the moment. And it’s a huge regret on Baekhyun’s side, for he was never good at comforting someone.

So in the end, he just resorts to - “are you free tonight?”

Chanyeol looks at him, big round eyes widening in curiosity. “Well, I’ll be playing at the night market again.”

“After that?” Baekhyun ransacks his head for more words. “I just, I think, maybe we can hang out? I’ll bring Jongdae along. We can chill at Junmyeon’s stall. The more the merrier.”

For a moment, Chanyeol still stares at him as if he’s explaining the plan of exploring the moon. But then he nods absentmindedly. “Well, I could cut a song or two. I’ll meet you there right after.”

“Great.”

“Yeap.”

To avoid more awkward seconds between them, Baekhyun rises up from his seat on the sands and pats the back of his pants. “So, see you later?”

“See you later.” Chanyeol gives him a small wave with his hand. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For wanting to hang out with me.”

Baekhyun doesn’t reply; he doesn’t know what to say to that. But he does smile at Chanyeol before he turns around and makes his way to his house. When he arrives on his porch and glances back, he sees the guy already walking away from the shore, dragging his surfboard along.

He ends up watching Chanyeol leave until he can’t see his figure anymore.

===

When there’s something expected to happen, time always slows down on purpose. By the moment the night finally approaches, Baekhyun immediately drags Jongdae out of the house and makes their way to the night street market, almost forgetting to put his jacket on. They end up going to the night street market by car; “I walked the whole noon with Minseok, now I almost can’t feel my legs.” To Baekhyun’s favor, it only saves him almost twenty minutes of restlessness.

But what is he being restless for anyway? It’s just another night at the market, and it’s just Chanyeol.

This time, they gather around two joined tables for four, located at a secluded area a little bit far from the small stage at the center of the lot. Junmyeon is sitting at the end of the table, looking like the owner of the place - in which he _is_. Yixing is on his left side, reading a thin book under the almost dim lighting of the open space. On his right side is Minseok, and it seems like they’re in the middle of a deep conversation. But once Junmyeon’s gaze shifts at them and Minseok finally finds out that they’ve arrived, the teacher slash cafe owner immediately pats the empty seat next to him. Jongdae just zooms out away from him to claim the spot, leaving him contemplating about where to sit. What a very good friend.

“Here!” it’s Yixing who raises his hand and offers the seat right on his left. Baekhyun smiles gratefully and goes for the wooden chair.

“Sehun’s going to come back with some spicy _tteokbokki_ and _oden_. We’re about to get full tonight.” Junmyeon explains, eyes shifting at Jongdae. “I hope Minseok didn’t feed you too much today.”

“Nah, we only ate _naengmyeon_ before walking around the neighborhood.” Jongdae claims.

“‘Only’?” Minseok turns at Jongdae, looking genuinely apologetic. “I would’ve taken you to the cafe to fix you some snacks, but you said you weren’t hungry.”

Jongdae giggles. “It’s okay, I was kidding.”

Baekhyun can barely prevent his eyebrows from frowning in cringe.

“Oh? Oh! They’re here!” Junmyeon points in a direction. “They really came!”

“Why won’t we come?” Baekhyun turns around to find the source of the voice and finds a pair of familiar faces; it’s Kyungsoo and Jongin. There’s a white paper box resting on Jongin’s arms. _Damn, they look cute together_.

“Exactly.” Yixing says calmly before eyeing the sheepish Junmyeon. “Sit with us!” he gestures at the empty chairs next to him and Baekhyun.

Jongin places the box on the wooden table. “Some fried chicken for us. Kyungsoo made a new kind of sauce and it’s so, _so_ good I literally got drunk by it.”

“Cut it, Jongin, you get drunk by everything Kyungsoo made.” Minseok snorts.

Baekhyun watches as the whole table laughs fondly at the shy Jongin. He then notices Kyungsoo already settling down right next to him. “Hey, city guy.” Kyungsoo smiles at him. “Haven’t seen you again ever since that night.”

“I was planning to eat at your place tomorrow.” Baekhyun grins. “I miss your _jjampong_.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. “How is it going so far? Do you like it here?”

Nodding to himself, Baekhyun’s eyes wander around the place, at the warm white LED lights and the people chatting, while his ears pick up the faint sound of Chanyeol’s singing voice. His heart suddenly pounds for a moment. “I do.” he says. “It’s what I expected when I thought of coming here to relieve my… stress.”

“Oh? What did you expect anyway?”

“Some peace. A much slower pace. The sea. Its smell. The food. Even the sunset.” Baekhyun smiles at the memories he made for the past few days. “It’s really doing me some healing.”

Kyungsoo nods in agreement. “This place really does have the magic to make you feel comfortable. It’s as if you’ve been here forever.”

“Whoa, look at you all.” Sehun comes in, bringing two giant plates of _tteokbokki_ and _oden_. He then laughs. “The more the merrier. Dig in, guys.”

Out of the blue, Jongin stands up abruptly. He immediately goes to Sehun and pulls the similarly excited guy into his arms. Both of them hug each other tightly like there’s no tomorrow for them. Baekhyun frowns in confusion while the others just snicker at the scene, probably having been used to it.

“They’ve been friends since, like, forever.” Kyungsoo fills in for him. “Don’t mind them.”

“Yeah, I can see.”

“Sehun even became Jongin’s Best Man at our marriage.”

Baekhyun immediately looks at Kyungsoo. “Wait,” he leans in to whisper, “you and Jongin are _married_?”

There’s a change on Kyungsoo’s face, and it isn’t something pleasant. But it leaves immediately, and now Kyungsoo is smiling, albeit bittersweetly. “ _Were_.” he replies with a whisper as well. “We’re back to best friends now.”

_Married. Were. Were married._

_Back to best friends now._

_What kind of bullsh-_

“Chanyeol?”

“Huh where - Chanyeol hyung?! You’re here!”

Baekhyun’s heart drops the moment he hears the name. He head whips to the left, finding Chanyeol standing tall at the other end of the table, his guitar hanging on his back. Wearing that silly grin on his face. What a silly grin. Such a cute, yet silly grin. Silly. “Hi guys!” he announces his arrival.

“Looks like someone decided to hang out with his only friends in the village, huh?”

“Have you eaten? Sit down first, Chanyeol.”

“Hey, I really loved that song you sang last night.”

“Hyung, how’s the surfing going?”

He watches as the guys start to bombard Chanyeol with questions, making it hard for the victim to focus on finding the empty seat. Sehun literally drags him down to sit next to him, while Kyungsoo immediately pushed the plates towards his direction. Working in such a huge city, Baekhyun has learnt a lot about the way people’s overall expression gives away what they’re actually feeling inside most of the time, no matter how hard they try to hide it. It applies to everyone, especially at times where they’re faced with something out of expectation.

Everyone on the table got jittery the moment they realized Chanyeol is here.

Something about the atmosphere around them seems suspicious, but Baekhyun would like to see how long and far they can keep it up.

“Chanyeol, meet the city guys!” Junmyeon gestured at both him and Jongdae. “This is Baekhyun, and this is Jongdae. Ah, Baekhyun, didn’t you say you’ve met him at the shore?”

Baekhyun is stunned for a moment by the sudden question. “Ah, yeah. He’s been surfing near my house.”

“Really?” Minseok chuckles. “Well, this is a small village. Everybody here is bound to meet each other.”

“But our Chanyeol here doesn’t just show up anywhere, does he? I didn’t even think he’d come to hang out with us here tonight.”

“Actually,” Chanyeol finally speaks, silencing the whole table, “it was Baekhyun who suggested that I come.”

There’s an awkward silence for a very short moment before Jongin breaks the ice for them. “Well then we’ve got to thank Baekhyun. If not for him, we wouldn’t have ever seen Chanyeol while we’re all gathered like this.”

“He only hangs out with one or two of us each time. Never when we’re all gathered like this.” Kyungsoo fills in for him, again. “Quite a shy person, I guess.”

Baekhyun nods awkwardly. The atmosphere is getting even more awkward.

“Guys, that’s enough.” suddenly Yixing speaks up with his soft voice. “Chanyeol must feel cornered like this.”

Instantly, Baekhyun whips his head towards Yixing. _I know right??_

“Right, right. Eat all of this instead.” Sehun gestures at the food. “I even stole a bowl of kimchi for you guys.”

“You stole _my_ kimchi?”

“It’s for you to eat anyway!”

Just like that, the table is back to its liveliness. Baekhyun shrugs off the uneasiness inside him and accepts the _oden_ filled bowl from Kyungsoo with a smile. Maybe things aren’t exactly how they appear to be, after all, even in this small village. That, or many years of his growth has ruined his way of seeing the world, filling his head with too many negative and doubtful thoughts. Or maybe he’s just tired and thinking too much. Maybe he’s hungry. He should eat a lot tonight and let the food suppress his thoughts.

Maybe he had expected too much about this. He had thought this would be a chance for him to talk more comfortably with Chanyeol, in an environment where they won’t have to be afraid to run out of topics since there are other guys with them. But right now it’s Jongdae who’s being very talkative like the Kim Jongdae he is, with Minseok laughing at everything he said. Junmyeon is the topic tracker, Sehun and Jongin keep asking Jongdae things about Seoul, while Yixing and Kyungsoo are in the silent team along with him and Chanyeol. He’s actually fine with it, since he’s not in the mood of chit-chatting anymore.

But one thing that keeps him busy aside from eating is the on-and-off staring contest he’s been doing with Chanyeol since the moment they started devouring their meals. Stir, eat, stare. Stir the food, eat a spoonful, then stare at each other again. No one’s paying attention to the both of them, and Baekhyun thinks it’s even better, because then they won’t have to see him marveling about how round Chanyeol’s eyes are.

Chanyeol smiles at him, and he can’t even prevent himself from giving a smile back. _Did something get in between my teeth? Oh fuck it._

  
  


The evening ends with them feeling full and satisfied. Junmyeon and Jongdae are still conversing at the table, with Minseok and Yixing as their loyal audience. Baekhyun himself is now standing not too far from them, along with Jongin and Kyungsoo, who are drowning themselves in silence. It’s a rather comfortable one, because Baekhyun knows both of them are just enjoying the environment like him.

“Glad you’re finding it nice here.” Jongin then tells him. “If you have any kind of problem, don’t hesitate to come to us. We’re always ready, me and Kyungsoo.”

“And the others.” Kyungsoo adds.

Jongin glances at Kyungsoo for a moment before nodding. “And the others.” he repeats in a small voice.

Baekhyun tries so hard not to make a face. “Thank you so much.” he says genuinely. “You guys are so nice.”

“Well, since it’s a small place, you’re going to be another person we’ll see everyday. We have to be nice to the people we see everyday. Right?”

“Hm.” Baekhyun nods, despite the bitterness that starts to spread in him after hearing those words. “Yeah.”

“So. Tell me. Do you meet Chanyeol often?”

Baekhyun is so shocked by the question that he whips his head in Kyungsoo's direction. “Huh? Often? Often… not really. Twice. I’ve only met him twice.”

“But I assume both of you had talked a lot that you even suggested him to hang out with us tonight.” Kyungsoo smiles at him. “As I've told you, he’s friends with all of us, but he almost never showed up when we were all gathered. Tonight was rare.”

“Is it that bad?”

“It is.” Jongin peeps in. “Well, not actually bad. Maybe he’s just not a crowd person.”

Looking at Kyungsoo and Jongin’s faces, words start to gather at the tip of his lips. “Junmyeon said he’s mysterious.”

“Mysterious?”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun shrugs. “He said… Chanyeol has been secretive about himself, and that’s why you guys don’t know much about him.”

He watches as Jongin and Kyungsoo glance at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. “I see.” Kyungsoo says between his chuckles while calming down. “Junmyeon is quite hyperbolic sometimes, but yeah, you can say that Chanyeol is a little bit mysterious.”

“It’s not that we don’t know much about him,” Jongin joins, “it’s just that there’s too little about him to know. He’s a simple guy leading a simple life, that’s all.”

Baekhyun ransacks his head again. “He said he’s only been here for a few months.”

“Ah, right. He’s also from Seoul. A city guy.” Kyungsoo hums. “But it feels like he’s lived here for such a long time that we forgot that.”

“... just like Minseok?”

The couple - or not so couple anymore - glance at each other again then nod at him. “Just like Minseok.”

“What about Minseok?”

The three of them immediately turn their attention to the new voice. It’s Jongdae, with Minseok tailing behind him. “Hey.” Baekhyun calls, not failing to raise an eyebrow at how his friend and the teacher slash cafe owner are practically glued together these days.

“Shall we go home?” Jongdae lifts up a hand, where his wristwatch is wrapped around. “It’s getting late.”

 _But I haven’t talked to Chanyeol yet._ “I guess.” _I came to talk to him, asshole._ “Let me find the restroom first.”

Minseok explains to him the fastest route to the restroom, very much detailed. Baekhyun asks Jongdae to meet him in the car while he excuses himself from everyone, including Junmyeon and Yixing who are now holding hands at the table. He shrugs all the cringe off as he continues his way to the restroom. It stung too much to be considered as cringe, but he pays no more attention to it.

As he’s reaching the entrance door, his eyes catch the sight of two familiar figures at the side of the building. Somehow he can hear their voices from such a distance. “But is it okay for you to be out at this hour?”

It’s Sehun’s. Baekhyun carefully scoots closer to the building to stick himself against the wall, calming his breathing down so he can listen better.

“Of course.” Chanyeol’s voice replies.

“Are you sure?”

“What’s going to happen to me anyway?”

There’s a short silence. “Are you okay?” it’s Sehun again.

“I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Then will you be okay? Now that _he_ -”

“I will.” Chanyeol’s tone gets more distressed.

Baekhyun opens the door to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to hear more; he doesn’t feel like he’s ready to.

He never liked knowing something that is too much for him to bear.

  
  


When he arrives near the car, Chanyeol is resting against the front body along with Jongdae.

“This coconut tree here wants to have a minute with you.” Jongdae smirks.

Baekhyun is stunned for a moment, looking at Chanyeol, before he turns at Jongdae. “Then get lost for a while.”

“I might end up going with Minseok again.”

“Isn’t that what you want?”

Jongdae pouts before smiling sheepishly. “I’m a creeper indeed.” he says dreamily as he walks away.

“What’s up?” Baekhyun finally gets to Chanyeol.

The tall guy doesn’t say anything for a moment. He just stares back at him, as if he’s digging something out of his eyes. Like Baekhyun himself is a mysterious artifact. Shouldn’t it be otherwise?

Then he gives him a small smile. “I see you’re not that much of a talker, hm?”

A little bit disappointed, Baekhyun results in a chuckle. “Instead of that, it’s more like I prefer to listen than to be listened to. It’s exhausting to always keep the topic on track. Got to applaud Junmyeon for that. Anyway, quit beating around the bush. What do you want to tell me?”

Again, Chanyeol falls into his silent mode and just stares at him. At this rate, Chanyeol’s gaze might bore holes on his forehead. “I want to ask you,” he then begins gently, hesitantly, “if you’d let me take you on a mini tour around the village tomorrow.”

 _What? You wanna what?? I let you what???_ “And where did this idea come from?”

“It just happened to be in my head.”

Baekhyun laughs, clueless about how to deal with the sudden bubbly feeling inside his tummy and throat. “You,” he sighs, “well, that, that actually sounds pretty good.” _The hell is wrong with me?!_

“Is that a yes?”

“I think so…?”

Something makes his breath hitch when he sees Chanyeol trying to hide a smile. If he’s delusional, he might even say that the guy is blushing. “After lunch, then?”

“Hm.” Baekhyun nods. “Or how about we have lunch together?”

_The fucking hell, Byun Baekhyun?!_

“That would be great.” Chanyeol smiles widely. “Minseok’s place?”

“Okay, Minseok’s place.”

“So. See you tomorrow?”

Baekhyun replies with a smile as well, albeit awkwardly. “See you tomorrow.”

He ends up driving, since Jongdae keeps complaining about his tired legs. Baekhyun intentionally keeps it slow on their way out of the lot so he could have more time to see Chanyeol’s figure on the rear-view mirror.

===

Buildings. Tall buildings everywhere.

‘ _What … think is … him?_ ’

The car is moving at a reasonable speed. Everything is quiet. Not even the car’s engine can be heard. It’s raining outside, yet there’s no sound of pitter-patter on the roof of the car. The streets look questionably empty.

‘ _Whatever it is … hope he can … soon._ ’

“I love you, Baek.”

Such a familiar voice, saying such sweet words.

But it sounded so, so sad.

Baekhyun finally pries his gaze off of the window and slowly turns his head to his left, to find the source of the voice. But when his eyes get caught on the road, something is already there in front of them, inching nearer and nearer.

No sound. No turbulence. Only sudden darkness, and the rapid beating of his heart.

* * *


	4. The Rain

“Carrots. Only carrots left. Sheesh, I can’t believe making _japchae_ is this hard.”

He nods.

“I mean all these time I thought _japchae_ is just about mixing this and that, but turns out it’s even harder than making _bibimbap_.”

He nods again, as an automatic response.

“Oi. You alright?”

“Huh?” Baekhyun turns to his friend by the sudden question. “I am…?”

“You’ve been so out of it since you woke up.” Jongdae nudges him at the arm. “Something bothering you? Another nightmare?”

Baekhyun lets out a heavy sigh before nodding defeatedly.

“And there I thought you were getting better. Is there anything I can do?”

He stares at the fishcake booth he had finished the other day. The Uncle is preparing many boxes of his product, probably sending them to the hospice again. “Just…” he fails to find the answer, because there really is nothing anyone can do. It’s just him and his weird head giving him a hard time. “Just don’t worry about it.”

Jongdae keeps his eyes on him for a while, then brings up a hand to pat him on the shoulder gently. “I might not be able to do much, but at least I can listen. Tell me everything, okay?”

Trying to hide how touched he is by the words, Baekhyun just nods at him as reassurement. “Does that include telling you that I’m going out with Chanyeol today?”

The worry on Jongdae’s face is soon replaced by surprise. “Chanyeol? That coconut tree?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, wait, was that why he came to see you before we left?” Jongdae frowns at him. “You piece of shit, you said you didn’t talk about anything important.”

“I just wanted to get back on you.” Baekhyun smiles sheepishly. “Since you kept leaving me to hang out with Minseok. Have you guys kissed yet? Hm? Hm?”

Jongdae slaps his face with the grocery list in his hand. “More than that, idiot.”

“What?” Baekhyun’s eyes widen as he watches Jongdae skip away from him. “Is that true? Kim Jongdae, is that true?? The fuck Kim Jongdae?? _Kim Jongdae_!!”

===

After getting his bike fixed, Baekhyun pedals his way to Minseok’s restaurant. It’s easy to find the place since it’s located right in front of the school; he notices that the rush hour for the school kids has already ended. Parking his bike, Baekhyun thinks about what he should do the moment he meets Chanyeol. Should he come in cheerily? Should he look excited? Should he look laid back? Should he call Chanyeol’s name first? Should he just turn around and leave? _Why the fuck am I making such a big deal out of this shit?!_

Baekhyun sighs heavily, disappointed at himself, and enters the building. Some of the waiters greet him and offer to escort him to a table, to which he rejects politely, saying that someone’s already here waiting for him. He looks around the room, and he easily spots Chanyeol at the long tall table near the window. The perks of having a huge body.

When he gets to the corner of the table, Baekhyun doesn’t announce his arrival. He holds himself back from doing so the moment he notices that Chanyeol is reading a book, possibly a novel, and is very immersed in it. There’s a little frown between his eyebrows, and he’s wearing thin glasses. The iced tea next to his hand is watering down. What is it about the whole view that’s keeping Baekhyun silent? It’s as if he’s finding amusement in it.

There’s something fluttering in his chest.

Baekhyun decides to pull out a stool for him to sit on, right in front of Chanyeol. Even the sound of the stool’s legs scratching the wooden floor doesn’t take the surfer away from his imagination land. Baekhyun rests both his elbows on the table and put his chin on his joined hands. _Aren’t you adorable._ _Wait, what?_

A moment later, Chanyeol finally puts down the book and was about to reach for his drink when his eyes notice someone sitting in front of him. His eyes widen in shock when he realizes who it is. “How long have you been there?”

“An hour?” Baekhyun chuckles when Chanyeol’s eyes get even wider. “Relax, I just arrived a few minutes ago. Didn’t have the heart to bother you.”

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol closes the book and puts it aside. “Anyway, hi.”

Baekhyun can’t prevent a smile from blooming on his lips upon that little greeting. “Hi.”

“Anything specific you feel like eating?”

“Pasta would do.”

“Perfect.” Chanyeol calls the waiter for the menu book then gets back at him. “The spaghetti _carbonara_ here is so good.”

  
  


Turns out Chanyeol also brought a bike with him, and it’s parked right next to his. A rusty neon blue vintage bike next to a crisp white modern one. Baekhyun wonders why he’s amused even at such trivial details. Just how excited is he to be like this? He can’t even figure out himself.

“So, I thought about showing you the cool places here, but I realized you’ve visited almost all of them.”

Baekhyun turns at Chanyeol, who’s now holding the bike firm close to him. “Really?”

“The night street market is our top pride.” Chanyeol chuckles. “And you literally own a part of our shore.”

“So you ran out of cool places to show me, hm?”

“Cool places as what Hannam folks think. But to me,” Chanyeol leans in, “I have my own cool places aside from the shore.”

There goes his heart thumping rapidly again. What the hell is wrong with him today? “Oh really? What if I don’t find them cool?”

“Then consider this a chance for you to enjoy the fresh air.” Chanyeol smirks at him as he gets on his bike. “Home fairy, wasn’t it?”

The smirk stays on Chanyeol’s face all along while the big guy moves the bike backwards with his feet. Baekhyun can’t even hold himself back from giggling. What is it about Park Chanyeol that keeps making him feel giddy and nervous at the same time? Long forgotten was Junmyeon’s dubious words about him. This adorable giant can’t be a serial killer, right?

  
  


Hannam is indeed a small village. Baekhyun can recognize the places along the main road which Chanyeol has taken him to, having passed them by since his first day here. But somehow, going down the streets by bike gives a whole different perception to him; especially with someone like the said coconut tree tagging along with him. It’s like he’s experiencing an 80’s melancholic romance movie first hand.

Chanyeol is right next to him the whole time, sometimes being a little bit ahead of him. The almost empty streets make it possible for them to pedal leisurely around.

“That’s the village’s main hall. You know, the place where everybody gathers at whenever there’s something important. Not that it happens often, though.”

Every now and then, Chanyeol would slightly wobble, alarming him. But the guy would keep pedaling or talking like nothing happened. Baekhyun keeps his laughter to himself.

“That’s Kyungsoo’s diner. And Jongin’s shop right next to it. And the last on the block is an old book shop. One of my favorite places.”

“I can totally imagine you hanging out there.” Baekhyun comments without his brain could sort the sentence out.

Chanyeol replies to him with a sheepish laugh.

“That’s the hospice. I hang out with the kids there often.”

“Kids?” Baekhyun catches up with Chanyeol’s speed. “Are there even that many?”

“Not really. Only six kids, all under fifteen. The elders are sweet too.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know how to react.

They stop at an intersection, almost running out of breath. Baekhyun marvels at how perfect the weather is; sunny, but not scorching. Very conducive for a walk or bike ride like this. “That’s the way to the shore, and your house,” he watches as Chanyeol points at their right, then follows as the hand moves to point at their left, “and that’s the way to Suho. And the night street market. I assume you’ve memorized this part of the village already.”

“I have.” Baekhyun nods. “Is that it? The end of my tour?”

Chanyeol chuckles. “Not yet. There’s one more place I wanted to show you.”

“Is it your house?”

He didn’t expect to see Chanyeol’s face lose its colors. “Well, I didn’t really think of that.” the guy looks away.

“I was just joking. Was it too much? I’m sorry, dude.”

“No, no,” Chanyeol turns at him again, “I was just… surprised. That you wanted to see where I live.”

Baekhyun thinks for a while, before he results in a shrug. “You’ve seen my place, so I just thought it would be fair between us if you show me yours. But forget it. That was so random of me.”

“We’ll take the way to where I live, then.” Chanyeol hops on his bike again. “No big deal. Besides, you’ve gotta see it to be sure that I’m not a creeper.”

A surge of relief washes over him when he sees Chanyeol’s smirk. “I don’t see how that’s… whatever. Let’s go. It’s a rare chance to see the lair of an axe murderer.”

“So I’m an axe murderer now?”

  
  


“Ta-dah.”

“... this super nice house is _yours_?”

Chanyeol’s amused laugh doesn’t make him falter from marveling at the property in front of him. The sophisticated looking loft house doesn’t suit the village _at all_. Behind the house is an even much bigger house, looking luxurious even from the side.

“It’s not mine.” Chanyeol continues. “It’s Junmyeon’s. I rented it.”

“And that mall behind it is Junmyeon’s house, am I right?”

“Yep. Junmyeon and Sehun live there. Sometimes Sehun sleeps at my place, though.”

“Sehun?”

‘ _But is it okay for you to be out at this hour?_ ’

“Sehun.” Baekhyun repeats inaudibly, suppressing the memories of the exchange between Chanyeol and the mentioned guy from the night before. “Just how rich they are?” he then looks at Chanyeol. “Seriously, how rich is Junmyeon’s family?”

Chanyeol shakes his head with a small, innocent smile on his lips. “Never dug deeper about them. All I know is that his dad owns some kind of company back in Seoul. Junmyeon came here to look after his grandparents, since he’s an only child in the family and the eldest between the grandkids. He got bored and made his own department store.”

“He got bored and made his own department store.” Baekhyun repeats in disbelief.

“Sounds crazy, right?”

“I’m so ready to ditch Jongdae for Junmyeon. Should I start getting on his good side?”

Chanyeol throws his head back laughing. “Poor Jongdae, then.”

“It’s fine, he’s already busy with Minseok.”

“Let’s walk there. To the place I told you about.” the tall guy gets off his bike. “It’s not that far.”

Baekhyun follows suit, hopping off his own bike with a soft thud on the pavement. “Your place looks really nice.” his eyes are still on the house as they walk away.

“It is. Junmyeon also gave me a very low rent rate. And assigned someone to clean up the place every day. What a very nice guy.”

“I’m so going to ditch Jongdae for him.”

“How long have you been friends with Jongdae?”

“Kim Jongdae?” Baekhyun snorts. “We’ve known each other since high school. How long has it been, then? More than a decade, isn’t it?”

“Must’ve been nice to have a friend like that.” Chanyeol comments softly.

Baekhyun nods slowly to himself. “He found me when I was… difficult to deal with. He’s always there whenever I need him. Wait, scratch that, he’s also there to annoy me when I don’t.”

“Did he hit it off with Minseok?”

“I believe he did. He’s been so smitten for Minseok.” Baekhyun sighs. “I wish they can be a thing.”

“So you do approve? Of Minseok.”

“I guess I do. He's been nice and polite. And charming. I also don’t get any weird vibe from him. And he looks pretty smitten for Jongdae too.”

There’s a short pause between them before Chanyeol speaks again. “He’s a nice guy indeed. Very patient with his students, very good with his customers. And very good at listening and giving advice. A trustworthy person.”

Baekhyun glances at Chanyeol for a moment. “Now I feel relieved. I hope Jongdae really gets a nice guy. It’s been so long since the last time he properly dates.”

“How about you?” Chanyeol turns at him.

Those three words immediately clog Baekhyun’s throat.

“I mean, if it wasn’t too much for a question…”

“It’s… complicated. My relationship.” Baekhyun chose the best way to describe his situation. “Like, it could actually end any second we call it a quit. But I do hope it doesn’t end that soon.”

“Do you hope it doesn’t end that soon, or do you hope it doesn’t end at all?”

‘ _Don’t I deserve your trust, Baek? After all these years, after all we’ve been through together, don’t I deserve your trust and patience? Am I a stranger to you?_ ’

“I hope it doesn’t end at all.” Baekhyun answers in almost a whisper. “But my hope won’t matter if _he_ …”

He lost his words. He always loses his words whenever his emotions take control over him.

However, in the middle of the storm brewing in his head, something clears the path for his mind; he finds Chanyeol’s hand gripping one of the handles of his bike, from which his hand had fallen off. “Let’s go.” Chanyeol tells him with this hushed voice, as if he’s a cracking glass vase that could shatter any second.

Baekhyun follows Chanyeol’s steps. Maybe he would indeed shatter if he says any more words.

  
  


They arrive at a shoreline dock; technically an empty one. From what his sense of direction tells him, they’re at the other side of the village, opposed from where his house is. This part of the shore is more of a public facility that has more functions instead of just a place to stroll around. It’s likely used for ships that handle shipments and transportation.

“The sky looks prettier from your part of the shore,” Chanyeol knocks him off of his thoughts, “but this part has its own charm.”

“What is it?”

Chanyeol doesn’t answer right away. He takes a moment to look up at the sky, before turning at him with a wide smile. “This is the only part of the shore where you can watch the sunrise. And it also looks the prettiest from here.”

This time, it’s Baekhyun who doesn’t respond directly. There’s something in him that forces him to just stay put for a moment and observe Chanyeol’s face. The afternoon sun is giving a proper lighting that compliments his face. He had known from the start that Chanyeol is good looking, but what he’s seeing at the moment isn’t related to it. It’s something he can’t explain, something like a feeling that people usually get when they stare at an old picture which had captured a moment they love and cherish. Something bittersweet.

“How do you do that?” he finally asks in a whisper.

Chanyeol’s eyes move around, surely observing him as well. “Do what?”

“Notice all those… things. Find beauty in them. Does everything look pretty to you?”

The wind blows, ruffling Chanyeol’s hair. Baekhyun, or probably both of them, didn't realize that the space between them is reducing in each second that passes by. “Not everything. But a lot of things.” Chanyeol replies to him in the same manner. “Including you.”

Baekhyun can now hear his own heart beating. “Me?”

“Hm-hm.”

 _Stupid. Stupefied. Stupify. Stuart Little. What the fuck._ "Wow, Chanyeol." Baekhyun tries to soften his stiff lips. "You can't just go around and be cheesy like that. Very dangerous. Choking hazard. Don't do that."

"Oh? Why?" Chanyeol takes a step closer. "Allergic to dairy?"

"More like… prone to stupid decisions triggered by pretty words."

Chanyeol leans back slightly. "And just what did that kind of stupid decision cost you?"

In all honesty, Baekhyun likes this. The rush he feels inside him as his nose catches a whiff of Chanyeol's cologne and his ears catch the entirety of Chanyeol's deep yet gentle whisper. He's liking this very much. But somehow his mind decides to cut down the cooperation with his heart, and it takes him far back to that day when he experienced his very first betrayal. That kind of betrayal that had broken him into pieces and shaped him again into something else. Something bitter and sad.

Thus Baekhyun answers with utmost regret, knowing he's about to ruin this moment. "My trust in people I care about."

He looks away, because he doesn't think he can handle the change in Chanyeol's expression.

But then he feels something poking his cheek gently. The finger urges him to look at Chanyeol again, and he does just that. And what he finds is something warm, on the face of someone calm and careful. "And yet, it wasn't your fault." Chanyeol tells him. "It wasn't your fault that they failed to earn your trust."

It feels strange, so strange, to not be blamed for once in his life. To not be blamed for something that wasn't his doing. At least not entirely. "What if it's just me who sucks at treating them right?"

"Do you feel like you're lacking on that part?"

"Very much. Man. You'd run away if I tell you what I've done back there."

Chanyeol frowns at him. "I only run away from anything that bites."

"Maybe I'm into cannibalism."

"So I mutilate people with axe and you eat them? A match made in heaven indeed."

"Why does it seem like you really want to be around me?" Baekhyun narrows his gaze at the persistent guy.

At which Chanyeol replies with a shrug. "Why does it seem like you really want to push me away?"

It strikes him like lightning, less thunder, more head trauma. Baekhyun drops his gaze out of the sudden shame that fills the veins on his face like poison. "That's what I do to people near me." _That's what I'm good at the most._

In the middle of his fight against the bitter feeling spreading inside him, he notices Chanyeol taking a few steps back from him, and he finally looks up to find the said guy standing at least three meters from him. Is Chanyeol leaving him? Is this it? The end of their barely started relationship. Is it that easy?

He watches as Chanyeol shove both of his hands into the pockets of his washed out jeans. The wind blows quite harsh this time, hitting the fabric of his slightly oversized yellow shirt, and ruffling his black locks mercilessly. “If I keep my distance,” Chanyeol half shouts, trying to beat the wind, “would you keep me around?”

 _What a strange man_ , Baekhyun notes solemnly. He still doesn’t get put off by how pessimistic Baekhyun seems to be regarding the things between them. Instead, he smashes it all away with his slightly lopsided smile, with a pair of eyes that seem to know a lot more than Baekhyun does. And what a strange feeling as well. It’s just Chanyeol. Just a guy who seems quite a loner, which could be the reason why he’s been so persistent about being friends with him. Just a guy, some random guy who appeared in some random part of his life.

Just a guy… who had been nothing but nice to him.

The nicer Chanyeol gets, the more doubtful Baekhyun becomes. Because there can’t be this much of good in his life without the same amount of bad lurking around. That’s what he had learnt during the years of his growth.

But if he ever wanted a change from his life back in the city, shouldn’t he start doing things that he wouldn’t have done back there and then? As an example, giving a chance for something to happen instead of letting it go before it could even earn its place to stay.

“No need to keep your distance.” Baekhyun finally answers, chest tight, almost suffocating. “I’d try to treat you right instead.”

And there, the smile on Chanyeol’s lips bloom, and it’s even prettier than possibly the prettiest kind of flower which he doesn’t even know of.

===

Jongdae made a huge container worth of _japchae_ , and it tastes beyond Baekhyun’s expectation. He even wonders if Jongdae had actually given up on making the dish and just ordered from a restaurant, but he finds the solid evidence of his friend’s hard work in the form of dirty cooking utensils piling up into a mountain in the sink. He promises Jongdae he’d do all the cleaning tonight, to which Jongdae smiles gratefully at.

“Anyway, the fishcake Uncle told me something creepy.”

Baekhyun looks up from the _japchae_ container. “What?”

“He said there’s a patient in the hospice that’s been locked up in a room for a long time.”

“Oh,” he frowns, “yeah, he told me that too. But are you buying it?”

Jongdae shrugs. “Anything could happen in this strange place.”

“Now _you_ are scaring me.”

They end up eating straight from the container instead of having their own bowls. He keeps commenting on how good the _japchae_ tastes, and Jongdae takes pride in it a lot. He drops the fact that Minseok had actually given him his recipe of the dish. Must be cool to have a cook as a boyfriend, Baekhyun thinks as he shoves a mouthful in. _Dear Lord, It's_ so _good_.

“So. It was a good date, huh?”

Baekhyun almost chokes.

“I’m still, like, wondering, how did both of you become a thing. But I guess the thing's been going well.”

“We’re not a thing.” Baekhyun declares after properly gulping down the food.

“Will you guys be a thing?”

“... I don’t know.”

“You wouldn’t have wasted - I mean, _invested_ that much time and effort for him if you don’t expect anything out of this whole ordeal.”

Baekhyun wants to slay off Jongdae’s statement by stating that he and Chanyeol aren’t even taking any of it seriously, but his mind only reminds him about the very same Chanyeol standing under the afternoon sun, facing him, asking his permission to be around him. In the end, his lips can’t win over Jongdae’s. “Well, then, maybe we will be. So what if we become a thing? No big deal.” _It’s a very big deal, you doofus._

He doesn’t hear a retaliation from Jongdae’s side, and it urges him to look up, only to find Jongdae staring at him with a disapproving frown.

“Byun Baekhyun,” his friend then frames, “you have a fiance.”

His stainless steel chopsticks fall against the rim of the plastic container with a loud thud.

“We didn’t get engaged.”

“But you two already talked about marriage.”

“Which didn’t even come down to anything certain. Why are you even talking about this?"

Jongdae puts his chopsticks down calmly, but the frown is still deep on his forehead. "It just doesn't feel right to me. Remember, you're not running away here. You're just on a vacation. Eventually you'd have to go back and deal with whatever you left behind."

Baekhyun doesn't even know how to respond to it properly, and he's not liking how short of words he is. "Nothing happened between me and Chanyeol." he states.

"It's up to you whether you want to have something happen between you and that coconut tree." Jongdae sighs. "I'm just asking you to be careful."

"Of _what_?"

Jongdae doesn’t answer right away; maybe he can’t word it properly. His friend just keeps his eyes on him. "You know this kind of thing always ends up hurting everyone involved in it. You know that the most."

 _This kind of thing always ends up hurting everyone involved_ , Baekhyun repeats in his head.

' _Why did you have to do that?!_ '

What kind of thing, exactly?

' _For whose happiness? Whose happiness?! I'm not seeing anybody happy here. Who would be happy out of this?!_ '

What thing?

' _Why, Dad? Why?_ '

Baekhyun stands up abruptly, the legs of his chair making a loud screeching sound against the wooden floor. He stays frozen for a moment. Jongdae, in front of him, is now leaning forward in worry.

"I don't want to hurt anybody." he whispers in a shudder.

Jongdae nods carefully. "I know."

"I don't want to hurt anybody… just because I want to be happy."

"You're not that kind of person."

"I don't want that. God, I don't want that. I don't want to hurt anybody. I never wanted to hurt anybody. I never-"

"Baekhyun, breathe."

It's when he notices Jongdae already standing next to him, gripping on his shoulder, that he realizes he's shaking hard. The pain in his chest is suffocating him. For a moment, he can only stare at his trembling hands, not having the energy nor the will to calm them down. It has happened plenty of times already. The trembling would subside eventually; he’d just have to wait. Sometimes waiting is a better option than dealing with something.

“I’m so sorry.” he hears Jongdae’s remorseful voice piercing through the buzzing in his ears. “Forget I asked you anything. It’s on me. Let’s get you rested. I’ll do the dishes. Oh, wait, drink first. Fuck. Now I _am_ panicking.”

  
  


As Jongdae suggested, Baekhyun goes straight to his bedroom after washing up. He tells Jongdae that he’s fine now, that he was just caught in the moment, but Jongdae still drags him up the stairs to his bed. He hides a smile, watching his friend fuss about his blanket not being thick enough. _What would I do without you?_

He then calls for his friend softly, and continues with a question, “can you sleep here tonight?”

Jongdae doesn’t even take more than two seconds to nod. “Let me clean up first. I’ll come back right away.”

"I give you 5 minutes." Baekhyun murmurs, only to make Jongdae snort amusedly.

His friend leaves his side and walks downstairs; he's left all alone for the meantime. He keeps his gaze attached to the ceiling while his ears catch the faint noise beneath him; the utensils clinking against each other, Jongdae's melodious humming, Jongdae's spontaneous curse when it seems like he hit himself on something, the wind that whirls through the open window, just about everything _but_ his own thoughts. He loathes hearing them, for they're extremely persuasive; it's almost like they'd create an entirely different reality for him where he's the most disappointing person in the world.

All he wants is to be someone alright enough that he won't have to be a nuisance to anyone.

Isn't that why he escaped home?

Home. It's only been a few days, yet the word sounds so strange to him now. He still doesn't have the thought of coming back, and he hates that he knows too well he _has_ to come back, like Jongdae reminded him about previously. The thing is, aside from not feeling like coming back, he also doesn't know what and where to come back to.

At the moment, it feels like he doesn't belong to everywhere else aside from this beach house. This village. This small place is so much better. This place has a nice _jjampong_ restaurant, a fun night street market, and Chanyeol.

 _Chanyeol_. The name makes his heart pound faster for a second, and his chest tighten.

' _If I keep my distance, would you keep me around?_ '

Chanyeol. That guy. What is his deal? What is inside his head? What made him say that?

' _One day he just started to show up randomly around. It’s not helping that he’s being secretive about himself as well._ '

What is he, really?

Whatever he is, Baekhyun is really, really drawn into him. Now he admits it.

But there's this gnawing feeling that won't leave him; Chanyeol seems to be a nice person, too nice for him to disappoint; like what he did to everyone who tried to reach him.

All he wants, really, is to be someone alright enough.

===

When he wakes up in the morning, it's raining.

The pitter-patter sound on the roof had gently pulled him up into his consciousness. He notices right away that the sky he greets isn’t a bright one like days before; it’s now in shades of gray, which is blurred by the crowded water drops. Baekhyun actually likes this kind of ambience, for it always succeeded in calming him down, assuring him that he’s not the only one gloomy in this vast universe.

But something just doesn’t feel right inside him.

His stomach purrs, and his mind immediately reminds him that a mug of hot milk is always perfect for rainy days.

  
  


“This kind of day calls for a bowl of _jjampong_ , my friend.”

“Indeed, indeed.”

“Should we go now? Or should we save it for dinner?”

“Let’s save it for dinner. I don’t feel like going anywhere for now.” Baekhyun stretches his legs on the longest couch in the living room, his height being a little bit longer than the furniture’s measurement. Thinking about commuting in the rain is quite discouraging. “Don’t we have what we need to cook?”

Jongdae yawns on the recliner next to him. “There’s some _japchae_ left.”

“I bought instant chicken soup.”

He can’t put both of the food together. “Perfect.” but they’ll still eat them anyway.

  
  


\- _For what felt like eons, I wandered on the waters, around the sea. My anchor couldn’t reach anywhere, wouldn’t let me hold onto something even when I almost lost my grip on the world._ -

\- _And you, dear you, you were always like an island I could never go to. Covered in thick fog, not letting anyone in. Can’t you be easy on me, who wants to reach you the most?_ -

By noon, he’s done with making up the beds and mopping the floor, while Jongdae’s still working on revamping the entire kitchen. They actually planned on doing the laundry today, but the sky literally put them on rain check. Finally he settles down on the couch with the book he had started reading days before. A bunch of long poems, all linked to make up a story. This book is so not for him, but he’s already drawn into the words.

\- _But now I’m leaving the days where I wandered and lost. Now, I’m going to you._ -

There’s an illustration, on the next page, of a little boat on the spacious sea. Somehow he can imagine himself being on the boat, looking around and lost. He’s on the land, comfortable on his couch, yet he feels more lost than the tiny black dot boat guy on the paper.

Is he lost? Is he just confused about where to go? Is it possible for him to go back?

Baekhyun closes the book and then his eyes. The rain is still pouring down, drumming on the rooftop, blanketing the entire village. He can imagine the streets being empty, maybe with a few people walking around with their tacky colored umbrellas. The shore must be empty too.

The shore.

 _Chanyeol_.

‘ _If tomorrow is sunny, I’ll be here._ ’

Does that mean Chanyeol won’t come to the shore today? Is that a good thing? Since he’s not sure yet what to think of the things between him and the guy. Or is it a bad thing instead? Because he really, _really_ , wants to see Chanyeol again. That guy’s face didn’t pop in his mind for the entire first half of the day, but now that he finally gets reminded of him, there’s this emotion flooding into his chest, suffocating him all over again. He wants to see Chanyeol again. Just to assure himself that he’s getting into trouble for the right man.

“Oh? It’s stopped.” Suddenly he hears Jongdae’s voice. “Should we do the laundry now?”

Baekhyun jerks up from the couch in an instant, losing his balance in the process. Where did this sudden surge of energy and excitement come from? “We should.” he murmurs. “Definitely.”

“Didn’t know you like doing laundry so much.”

Maybe he can see Chanyeol and naturally get involved in another staring competition again.

  
  


But even as the sun sets, there’s no Chanyeol.

There’s only the damp sand beneath his feet, and the burnt out hope in him. Not even the scent of the detergent can conceal its smell.

  
  


“What’s in your mind, really?” Jongdae finally asks at night.

They’re not seated, face to face, on the table near the entrance door of Kyungsoo’s diner, with a bowl of _jjampong_ in front of each of them. For tonight, they opt for a light snack; fried _enoki_ mushroom with spicy dipping sauce. Baekhyun was focusing on devouring his meal when Jongdae’s question steals his attention away.

“Nothing.” Baekhyun lets out shortly before continuing to chew. _Yum._

“I know you can get awfully quiet sometimes, but you weren’t only quiet today. You were anxious. Of what?”

“Nothing.” Baekhyun says before slurping the broth from his soup spoon.

“You promised me you would tell.” Jongdae says calmly. “And I promised you I wouldn’t judge.”

“You kind of judged me last night, though.”

“... touche, but in all honesty, I didn’t really want to make a fuss out of it because, heck, as long as you’re happy with it. It’s hard to be truly happy with your decision, I know that.” Jongdae puts his spoon down. “I’m just worried that something bad would happen to you; worse if it’s not even caused by you. That’s all. I can’t afford to watch you break again and again. I’d punch the sky for it if I could.”

Baekhyun _finally_ looks up from his bowl. “That’s so sweet of you, Kim Jongdae.”

“I promise you I won’t judge - again. Now tell me. What have you been thinking of?”

Will Jongdae really stick to his promise? Or would Jongdae scold him? “I was expecting to see Chanyeol today. At the shore.” he answers truthfully nonetheless. “He didn’t show up.”

“Oh? Near the house?” the curiosity in Jongdae’s voice makes him feel relieved. “Does he usually go there?”

“Yeah. To surf.” _To fall from his surfboard like a thousand times. That adorable idiot._

Jongdae picks up his spoon back. “Must be the rain.”

“It stopped before his usual time to surf, though.”

“Maybe he just got a pair of lazy bum like yours.”

“There can only be _one_ owner of lazy bum.”

“Maybe you can see him at the street market?” he immediately looks up at his friend upon the suggestion. “I heard he plays there almost every night.”

It feels like a huge chunk of burden has been lifted off of his shoulder. “Yes.” Baekhyun nods, slow yet determined. “Can I go there after this?”

“Are you seriously asking for my permission?”

Their conversation gets interrupted when two bottles of uncapped _soju_ are placed near their bowls. It’s Jongin, who’s greeting them with his signature smile. “Nice to see you both.”

“Hey! When did you get here?” Jongdae reaches out a hand to pat Jongin’s arm, to which Jongin reacts happily.

“As soon as I closed my shop. Saw this place getting pretty crowded tonight.” Jongin glances at his left and right. True to his words, the diner is quite packed tonight, with customers that range from children to elders. They were lucky they could catch a table for two.

Baekhyun takes a peek at the cashier counter, where Kyungsoo is busy giving instructions to his waiters and waitresses. “Boss has got enough kids to do the work, though.”

“Still. Can’t leave Kyungsoo to stress alone.”

The sentiment brings this warm, sweet feeling that bursts inside his chest. Baekhyun smiles at Jongin in amusement for it. But seconds after, as Jongdae marvels at how whipped the part-time waiter for the diner’s boss is, the warm and sweet feeling instantly turns into venom, spreading into his veins, stinging him inside out. It’s bitter, so bitter, and so painful, Baekhyun thinks he might puke.

‘ _Does your Mom still like this cake? I hope she does. She always craves it in Spring. I still don’t know why._ ’

He can’t stand it; verbal form of love.

‘ _My baby brother graduated from university with perfect scores. This is the least I can do. So. Do you like it? You’ve always wanted a red sedan._ ’

He can’t stand it for now, not when all love has ever given him was betrayal and disappointment.

‘ _I can’t really remember how I lived my life before I met you. And I can’t imagine how my life would be if you ever leave._ ’

Not when all he did to love was fail it.

“Baekhyun?”

The dark, heavy clouds in his head immediately dissipate the moment his name is called. It’s Jongdae, who’s now looking at him in worry, with Jongin sporting the similar expression on his face. “Yeah?” he croaks out.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m…” he murmurs, looking down at his food; the spoon has fallen from his hand and drowned in the broth. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t look like it.” Jongin mumbles.

“What do you even know?” he snaps back, without being able to control his lips.

Of course Jongin is taken aback, eyes wide in pure shock.

“Byun Baekhyun!” Jongdae then hisses at him, sounding panicked and annoyed.

Somehow, he lost his ability to think of what is actually happening. He was doing just fine, then at the next second he snapped at his newly made friend who has been so nice to him and Jongdae. He stares at them back and forth, alarmed and guilty. From his peripheral vision, he can see Kyungsoo also looking at them now in confusion. _The fuck did I just do?_

He stands abruptly, the table shaking from the sudden movement. “I’m sorry.” he blurts out. “I’m so sorry.” he repeats as he makes his way around Jongin and quickly walks straight to the entrance. The bell above the door chimes loudly from his forceful push.

The night air outside is cold enough to make him shudder. The pavement is still wet from the rain earlier. He runs, and runs. He can’t afford to think at the moment. There’s a loud buzz in his head, so loud it could actually make his entire body explode. He runs, and runs, without actually knowing where he’s going. What matters is that he’s not in the diner anymore; he can’t deal with the guilt and shame just yet.

_Why did I do that? Why the fuck did I do that?_

After what feels like an hour, he finds himself stopping at an intersection. It’s the one he rested at with Chanyeol during their biking session the day before. The road to his right would lead him to his house, while to his left is the road to the night street market. The place where Chanyeol sings almost every day. Will he find Chanyeol there tonight?

Without thinking twice, he turns left and runs again.

  
  


There is no Chanyeol.

It’s empty, the seat on the makeshift stage in the middle of the market, where Chanyol usually sit and strum his guitar. Baekhyun stands there, trying to catch back all the breath that escaped him and calm his rapidly beating heart. Why is it so hard to find Chanyeol today? He’s been meeting Chanyeol by chance, bumping into him in the moment he expected it the least. Chanyeol then made sure they’d meet again and they spent the whole day together. Now that he’s desperate to see Chanyeol, why is the guy nowhere to be found?

And why is he desperate to see Chanyeol anyway?

“Baekhyun?”

He spins around immediately the moment he heard his name being called. A tall man stands in front of him with curiosity on his face. It’s not the tall man he wanted to see. The gears in Baekhyun’s mind grind hard for a moment in his attempt to remember this guy’s name. “Sehun.” he finally says.

“Can I help you?”

“I,” Baekhyun’s gaze involuntarily shifts to the empty stage for a moment, before turning back to the guy in front of him, “no. Thanks.”

“Are you looking for Chanyeol?”

He can’t even prevent his gasp from coming out.

“You are.” Sehun states. “He didn’t come here, though.”

“He didn’t come here?”

Sehun nods to assure him. “It’s one of those nights that he didn’t sing here.”

“Then where is he?” he asks without missing a beat. “I mean, if I… may know.”

His cheeks heat up in embarrassment when Sehun chuckles, eyes disappearing into crescent moons like what he had witnessed before. “Well, it depends. Did he steal something?”

“... does he steal?”

“No. But that guy is quite unpredictable, so. If that’s not the case, then…?”

“I just,” _I just really want to see him_ , “I mean,” _I mean I really_ really _want to see him_ , “I don’t...” _and I don’t even fucking know why!_ “Nevermind. I’ll just… leave. Thanks. Bye.”

He turns around in a hurry then starts to walk away, shoulders hunched dejectedly. It’s right then that he hears Sehun’s voice again. “He doesn’t come out of his room whenever it rains.”

His sneakers make a crunchy sound when he halts abruptly. Long gone was his composure. He turns back to the source of the very much appreciated information, a slight frown of curiosity adorning his forehead.

“If it rains, even if just for a while, he won’t show up anywhere for the whole day.” Sehun walks towards him. “I never really see him in those days. He just locks himself up in his room, and that’s pretty much a solid sign for us to leave him alone. But don’t worry, he’ll be around again the next day perfectly fine.”

It all jumbles down into his head like a tangled tape. “But why? Why does he…?”

Sehun shrugs with a sigh. “I don’t know. Never asked. It doesn’t feel right.”

‘ _If tomorrow is sunny, I’ll be there._ ’

So it wasn’t just something he said out of amusement?

“Now’s my turn to ask.” Sehun offers him a friendly smile. “Why does it seem like you’re very interested in him?”

Baekhyun doesn’t even bother to think for an answer; he can’t afford to do it at the moment.

“I mean… man, you’re going to find me weird I say this. But if you ever become interested in him more than you should be, I suggest you… not to be. Just be interested in anything else but him.”

“... why?”

Sehun takes his time to himself, probably trying to word his answer well. “Chances are you’ll end up hurting him. Or, who knows, yourself as well.”

_Now what kind of fuckery is this?_

“I know, it’s confusing. I know you don’t get what I mean, but trust me when I tell you you better stay confused by this. Sometimes you don’t have to know what you don’t know.”

He can only watch as Sehun waves him bye and turns around. The information is overloading into his head. Can he even sleep tonight after having all of these?

Out of his expectation, Sehun stops on his track, although he doesn’t glance back at him. “You don’t hear it from me,” he half shouts, “but he’s leaving soon. Don’t waste time.”

And the tall guy walks far away from him.

===

“Where were you?”

That’s the greeting he gets when he arrives home, hollow and confused. There’s Jongdae on the couch, with a mug of something hot in his hand, obviously waiting for him. But Baekhyun has no energy to deal with whatever his friend is about to give him. “Around.”

“It wasn’t very nice of you. Back there.”

 _It was horrible, dumbass._ “I know. I’m so sorry. I’ll… talk to Jongin tomorrow.”

Jongdae doesn’t respond to the statement, opting for another sip of his drink instead.

Assuming that his friend has nothing left to say, Baekhyun resumes his way to his bedroom. He’s about to climb up the stairs when Jongdae speaks again; “This book looks nice.”

He glances at his friend, then finds him lifting up a familiar looking novel book. It’s the one he’s been reading. “Oh.” he mumbles.

“But what I found on the last page is even nicer.” Jongdae then proceeds to pull out something from between the book; it’s an envelope.

Baekhyun frowns. He doesn’t recall ever finding something in between the pages. “What is that?”

“Haven’t opened it. It must be for you.” Jongdae shrugs as he waves the envelope in his hand. “Here.”

Still doubtful, he takes a detour and goes to Jongdae, snatching the envelope away. “Thanks. Wait,” he then turns at his friend when he recalls the last place he kept the book at, “did you go through my suitcase?”

“Was looking for a shaver.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Jongdae for a moment before he finally goes upstairs.

  
  


Comfortable under the blanket, Baekhyun keeps staring at the still sealed envelope. There’s no writing on the surface. After weighing up and down, he finally decides to tear the lid off and fish out the folded paper inside. There, he sees a writing.

_To B._

_From Y._

It’s from _him_.

Something boils inside him the moment he realizes it. Without wasting any second, Baekhyun puts the paper into the envelope again and shoves it into the very tiny space between the edge of the mattress and the bedpost near his head. He can’t read it yet; he’s not in the right state of mind to. He pulls the blanket up to his neck and squeezes his eyes shut. _Let’s think of something nice, Byun Baekhyun. Something nice. The beach is nice. Kyungsoo’s_ jjampong _was nice. What you did to Jongin wasn’t nice._

_The bike ride with Chanyeol was nice._

_Chanyeol’s smile was nice._

_The walk home with Chanyeol was nice._

He recalls the day before, when they arrived near his house after Chanyeol insisted on walking him home. They didn’t talk much, only commenting about random things they noticed along the way. But Chanyeol’s presence was enough to keep him delighted.

‘ _I’ll see you around._ ’ Chanyeol had told him as their temporary farewell. Baekhyun replied with a smile and a wave of his hand. Chanyeol didn’t look back as he walked away.

Baekhyun waited until he couldn’t make out Chanyeol’s figure before he finally entered the house.

What is it about Chanyeol that makes him so intrigued and attached to that guy? There was nothing extraordinary about Chanyeol. He’s just existing humbly and quietly, doing random yet simple things. But then, he took him on a mini tour around the small village and introduced him to places he considered to be ‘pretty’, and offered him kind words.

_Chanyeol was nice._

Is that why he’s feeling this way towards him?

Is he being this way towards Chanyeol because he appreciates what Chanyeol had done to him?

Or is he being this way because Chanyeol is there, at the right place, at the right time, to make him flutter?

===

Buildings. Tall buildings everywhere.

‘ _Hyejoo is turning three tomorrow. Can you believe it? Me, a father of one and three years old. Still don’t know how I pull it off._ ’

The car is moving at a reasonable speed. Everything is quiet. Not even the car’s engine can be heard. It’s raining outside, yet there’s no sound of pitter-patter on the roof of the car. The streets look questionably empty.

‘ _I wish you could be there at her birthday party. She misses you a lot._ ’

“I love you, Baek.”

Such a familiar voice, saying such sweet words.

But it sounded so, so sad.

Baekhyun finally pries his gaze off of the window and slowly turns his head to his left, to find the source of the voice. But when his eyes get caught on the road, something is already there in front of them, inching nearer and nearer.

Before the sudden darkness, his ears catch another sentence.

“Why won’t you let me love you?”

* * *


	5. The Flutter

He wakes up with a scream.

His heart is beating dangerously fast inside his ribcage as if it’s trying to bang its way out. He then gasps for air, hurting his chest in the process. His throat feels extremely dry; he doesn’t think he can even breathe normally again after this.

Out of the blue, Jongdae appears in front of him; he must’ve failed to hear his footsteps. Jongdae looks very worried, and he’s saying - or maybe asking - something, but he just can’t hear his friend. There’s a deafening ringing inside his ears that’s blocking every other sound from entering.

Jongdae leaves in a hurry downstairs. Baekhyun is heartbroken. Why is his friend leaving him in such a state? Why is he always left alone at the end of the day?

But then Jongdae is back, with a huge glass of water. He says something again, probably telling him to drink, and he does so. He gulps down the liquid, praying that it would soothe down the catastrophe inside him, because _Lord_ , he feels like dying. Then, as if it’s the answer to his prayer, noise starts to fill his ears again, and his heart calms down a little bit. Jongdae is shaking his shoulder gently, and he can finally hear his friend’s voice; “say something. Baekhyun? Can you hear me now?”

That’s when the tears start to fall down from his eyes.

“Baekhyun? Does it hurt somewhere?”

No. And yes. He’s not hurt, but it feels so, so painful.

“Help me.” he mouths. “Help me.”

“How? How do I help you? Can you tell me?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“Should we go outside? Or do you want to sleep again-”

“No!” he screams, making Jongdae lean back in an instant. “I hate - I _fucking hate_ sleeping - the nightmares… the fucking nightmares…”

He sees Jongdae’s eyes widen with horror. “How about we take a stroll outside?” his friend then suggests softly. “It’s almost six in the morning. Maybe we can catch the sunrise.”

The sunrise.

‘ _This is the only part of the shore where you can watch the sunrise._ ’

“We can’t.”

‘ _And it also looks the prettiest from here._ ’

“It won’t look that pretty.”

“... it won’t what?”

Why, on Earth, in the middle of his messed up state, does he have to think about Chanyeol too?

===

It’s raining again, although not as heavy as the day before.

Jongdae suggested that they have lunch at Minseok’s restaurant. Baekhyun had agreed absentmindedly, and it was when they were walking into the restaurant that he realized it was a bad idea. It only reminded him of Chanyeol again, of how he found the coconut tree sitting by the window, immersed in a book. Now that he doesn’t want to think of Chanyeol, why does that guy pop in his head all the time?

“Is something wrong?” Jongdae’s voice snatches his attention. Baekhyun blinks at his friend, then at a plate of spaghetti _carbonara_ in front of him which he hasn’t touched.

 _Why did I even order this shit?_ “Nothing.” he starts to dig in. “Just very hungry.”

By the time they finish their meal, Minseok is already sitting next to Jongdae, and they are now engaged in a very animated conversation. Baekhyun, while observing both of them, finally sees what Jongdae had to deal with during all the times he dragged him to hang out with his lover. Jongdae was always so patient and understanding, he never bothered the couple and only talked when he was encouraged to.

But seeing Jongdae laughing out loud at a joke Minseok cracked, it only stings him in the heart. And he hates being like this to Jongdae. He hates being unfair, especially to his one and only system support for the meantime.

“Jongdae,” he calls for his friend, who turns at him in an instant, “I think I’ll leave first.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I just feel like taking a stroll around. By myself.”

“It’s… raining?”

Baekhyun points at the yellow umbrella leaning against the wall next to the entrance door. “Can I borrow that?” he asks at Minseok, who nods awkwardly at him as a response, having been caught off guard with the question.

Jongdae’s gaze on him is burning. But in the end, his friend sighs softly at him as a form of permission. “Don’t get yourself soaked, okay?”

He gives the couple a thumb up.

  
  


Hannam, under the gloomy sky, is another sight to bask in. The rain blurs the view a little, but it doesn’t lessen the other kind of beauty the village possesses. The water flowing from the edge of the rooftop onto the ground, the big trees having their leaves shaken slightly by the force of the waterwork, even the smell of wet soil is pleasing to him; he might have fallen for this place more than he should’ve.

It’s seldom for him to notice such trivial things and romanticise them, but he’s doing it now, and the one who had influenced him into it is nowhere to be found.

‘ _He doesn’t come out of his room whenever it rains._ ’

That still sounds like a lame attempt to scare him away.

‘ _You don’t hear it from me, but he’s leaving soon. Don’t waste time._ ’

What does that mean anyway? Is Chanyeol leaving? Is he going back to Seoul? Even so, why did Sehun have to tell him that in such an ominous way?

And there they said this village makes everyone in it stay. What a contradictive setting.

Baekhyun keeps walking at the side of the road, along the street that leads him to the part of the village that is reserved for business; shops and more restaurants alike. His sneakers have gotten wet, giving him an uncomfortable feeling, but he continues to walk while his head glances to his left and right. He has passed by this area a few times already, yet he still finds it as fascinating as before. Maybe it’s just the euphoria of being in a whole different place than where he lived for almost his whole life. Having been drained out by such a big city like Seoul, he finds it rejuvenating to be in a place with such a slow pace, a simple place that doesn’t demand too much from him.

That’s the summary of the problems in his life; everything, everyone, always demanded too much from him.

His steps are put on a halt when he realizes he’s already standing right in front of Kyungsoo’s diner.

_Ow shit._

The conversation - if he could call it one - from yesterday reemerges in his head. He owes Jongin a proper apology. But it’s still noon, which means Jongin should be at his own shop next to the diner. He eyes the doors to the shop with a heavy heart. Should he go in there? Or should he come again by night?

“Are you going to just stand there?”

He gasps and whips his head to the source of the voice, finding Kyungsoo standing under the door frame of the entrance of his diner, a slight smirk resting on his lips. Baekhyun tightens his grip around the handle of his umbrella. “Is Jongin at his shop?”

“He’s in my kitchen right now. Having his free lunch.” Kyungsoo holds a chuckle. “Wanna see him?”

Baekhyun contemplates for a moment. “Yeah.”

“Sit first. I’ll get him for you.”

“Wait.” he waits until Kyungsoo turns around to look at him again. “I think this is a bad idea.”

Kyungsoo frowns slightly. “Talking it out with someone is never a bad idea.” he muses.

Baekhyun stands there for a moment more, dumbfounded, before following the owner into the place.

Not too long after, Jongin comes to the table where he’s seated, cradling a mug in his hand; it’s something steaming. He gulps down the sudden nervousness building up in his throat as Jongin takes the seat right in front of him and pushes the mug towards him. “A glass of hot milk is always the best for rainy days.”

 _How did you know?_ Baekhyun silently pulls the mug closer to him. “I’m so sorry for last night.” he drops immediately.

His apology is welcomed by Jongin with a warm laugh. “Thank you for acknowledging that you broke my heart.”

“I was out of my mind, apparently. Seriously. I mean, I know I’m not the nicest person in the world, but that was so low of me. I’m very sorry again.”

“Apology accepted. Now drink your milk.” he does so right after he heard the words. He watches as Jongin leans back against his chair. “I noticed you were quite upset last night. Guess I shouldn’t have come to you at that moment.”

Baekhyun snorts. “I was upset about so many ridiculous things. Don’t be bothered by it.”

“I kind of felt like I said something wrong, though. The moment I spoke, you turned sour. I can’t remember now what I said then.”

“Nah.” Baekhyun waves his hand nonchalantly. “It was just me being a sensitive ass.”

The slight smile on Jongin’s lips turns into a smirk. It seems like the guy found something he said to be amusing, and is now observing him. Feeling like he’s being forcefully put under the spotlight, Baekhyun coughs the sudden anxiousness away as he puts the mug on the table. He doesn’t know what to say to break the ice.

It’s Jongin who does it for him. “I got divorced from Kyungsoo last winter.”

There’s a sudden sinking feeling inside his chest. He doesn’t know how to properly react to the unasked revelation. “I’ve… heard. From Kyungsoo. But why are you telling me this?”

Jongin shrugs. “Just felt like I should.” he presses his lips into a thin line for a moment. “Besides, rainy days call for sad stories, am I right?”

“So it’s going to be a sad story.”

“Of course it is. Knowing that I won’t be able to hold the one I love to sleep anymore, that’s the saddest thing in the world.”

“Then why?” Baekhyun asks, not realizing how he’s choking up on his own words. “Why did you do it anyway? The divorce.”

Once again, Jongin takes a moment of silence for himself, seemingly ransacking his head for words to say and memories he could recall. “Did you know?” he then continues. “Kyungsoo and I started out as childhood friends. Our parents were close, and we ended up being close as well.”

‘ _I met your Dad when I was ten. He was fourteen back then. Your Granddads were close friends, and they often brought us to their outings._ ’

“Growing up, I idolized Kyungsoo a lot. Everything he did was so cool, but what I loved more was how he was more himself whenever he was just with me. He was calm and collected, but I’ve seen him being mischievous too many times. He always looked quite cold and almost indifferent on the outside, but he’s been so warm and caring inside. I thought, wow, I want to be like him. Later on, I figured out that I wanted to be with him instead.”

‘ _Your Dad has always been a gentleman in his whole life. I can’t remember even just one time when he did something I disapproved of. He was his family’s pride, everyone’s favorite and, what I realized later on, my first love._ ’

“When we became adults, of course I told him right away, how I’ve been feeling for him. I didn’t even expect Kyungsoo to take me seriously; I was just so determined to let him know my feelings. At first, he thanked me for having such a beautiful feeling for him, and also apologized that he never thought about us that way, mostly because we’ve spent too many years being friends. I wasn’t even disheartened. I assured him I wasn’t expecting anything. Like that, a few days went by. Then the next week, he told me he was returning my feelings. He said he liked me back.”

‘ _Then your Dad had to go to college, which means he would be away for at least three years. On the day he left, I told him I liked him, and I wasn’t expecting an answer back. He laughed at me and told me to tell him that again once he got back from college. Almost four years later, he came back, and I did tell him again that I liked him. Right then, he said he liked me too. That was how we got together._ ’

“Shortly to say, I never really knew how it was to _not_ be in love with him. And he also reciprocated my feelings for him, so I always thought we were very much fated together. It was a given that I asked him to be with me for the rest of our lives, and it was a given that he said yes to it. Like that, we got married. That was probably the happiest day of my life.”

‘ _It was a given that we stepped further into marriage._ ’

“If you were friends with me back then, you would’ve puked seeing how in love I was with Kyungsoo. Well, it’s just between you and me; I’m still in love with him.”

‘ _I loved your Father so, so much. I still do. Even until this moment._ ’

Something is burning in his chest, scalding him from the insides. He can’t help himself from sounding like a distressed parrot. “Then why?”

‘ _Then why?_ ’

Jongin’s gaze is locked with his for a moment, before the pair of almond eyes shift away. “Sometimes, love is just not enough to keep things alright between two people.”

' _Love is not enough, Baekhyun._ '

“Explaining would only make it sound like an excuse. But that’s what it really is. It just takes… a certain kind of effort.”

' _There is something far beyond love you've gotta maintain when you're aware that you're spending every second with someone for the rest of your life._ '

Baekhyun didn’t understand back then, when his mother had told him those. He still doesn’t understand now. And he doesn’t think he’ll ever understand.

“That’s just another sad story, though. Everybody has one. You can share yours, too, if you don’t mind.” Jongin leans forward. “I’m all ears.”

Since he doesn’t feel like adding more bitterness into the atmosphere, he continues with questions instead. “How are you still staying close to Kyungsoo, even after what happened?”

“Oh, still talking about mine, huh?” Jongin chuckles softly. “Well, I can actually tell you many reasons for that but then I’ll be just blabbering. If I can say it shortly, it’s because I love him. I loved him, I still love him, and will always be doing so. Not being his life partner doesn’t mean I can’t love him and care for him anymore, does it?”

“I can’t understand.” he finally admits. “I’ve tried, but I just can’t. If you can do those sweet things while not being in a relationship, then why couldn’t you do it when you were married?”

‘ _Why couldn’t you love each other while you were married?_ ’

Jongin’s friendly smile is intact on his lips; it’s starting to irk Baekhyun. Why is he always the only one bothered? “I did say something wrong last night, didn’t I? Something that must’ve reminded you of your own baggage.”

Baekhyun drops his gaze onto his lap.

“I don’t know what exactly happened to you, and what kind of perspective it created for you, but to me, I’m seeing it like this; Kyungsoo was already someone I love before he became my husband, and then my ex husband. All I’m doing is treating him as the person I love instead of the person who was once my life partner. Ever since I saw everything through that way, it has become much, much easier for me and Kyungsoo. We know each other’s hearts anyway.”

‘ _I and your Dad, we just happened to go through a painful path in our lives. But that doesn’t lessen the fact that we deeply care for each other, and that I love him._ ’

“I admit, it’s still awkward for us sometimes. Maybe it’ll forever be that way. But I would never throw away my chance to make him happy just because of my ego. Honestly, it’s very simple. Most of the time it’s our ego that makes everything difficult.”

Baekhyun wraps his fingers around the mug. The milk has gone cold, while his head is burning more. His lips are frozen somehow; it’s agonizing for him to want to give out a piece of his mind but words just won’t form up.

“I’ll wrap it here now. So. You have something to share?”

Instantly, he shakes his head. Jongin lets out a disappointed sigh, but another smile replaces it right after. He stands up hesitantly while keeping his gaze on the table. “Thank you for the milk. And accepting my apology.”

“No problem.” Jongin waves a hand. “Come here for dinner! I’ll make you guys chicken popcorn.”

Baekhyun nods, head refusing to be more creative and courteous. He asks Jongin to deliver his greeting to Kyungsoo and makes his way out of the diner, with Jongin tailing behind him. It’s still raining quite heavily.

He grabs the borrowed yellow umbrella and turns at Jongin. “I still don’t understand.” he half shouts to beat the rain’s sound. “But you made me want to try to.”

A smile of satisfaction spreads on Jongin’s lips. The guy gives him an ‘ok’ sign. It’s corny, but it brings him a sense of relief, making his steps lighter as he walks away from the diner.

He unintentionally glances to his left, noticing that Jongin’s shop is not open for business. He stops for a moment and blinks at the ‘closed’ sign; what day is it?

Not wanting to ponder longer, he resumes his walk.

===

“Thank you for coming.”

Baekhyun replied the genuine words with a deep frown. “Why are you thanking me for something so trivial? It’s annoying.”

He half expected his older brother to snap at him; he also half regretted being rude to him. But instead, Baekbeom gave him a warm smile. “I know it’s hard for you to be at family dinners like this.”

It was then that he looked up at his brother. The guy was eight years older than him, and he never really remembered that because Baekbeom was always so animatic and carefree, the mood maker in the team. But he finally noticed the lines of aging across his brother’s face.

Baekbeom, too, must’ve had a hard time. Just like him.

He might have realized that since a long time ago, but never had the courage to admit.

“It’s not really a big deal.” he murmured, kicking the front tip of his sneakers against the marbled floor of the restaurant they dined in.

Baekbeom replied with patting his shoulder.

===

It’s sunny.

The air is at the perfect degree. Jongdae is ecstatic because _finally_ their laundry can dry up properly. The sky is blue again, complete with white clouds scattered across the horizon.

“How was your sleep?” Jongdae asks him, bringing the wooden laundry basket along with him.

“Fine.” Baekhyun answers truthfully. “I dreamed about my brother. About that one time we went out for dinner, with our parents. And his wife and the kids.”

Jongdae raises both his eyebrows. “That’s out of the ordinary. But at least it wasn't a nightmare."

He shrugs, sighing before he continues swiping the floor. Hopefully the heat today can properly dry the house so he won’t have to deal with dampness.

“We’ve gotta return the umbrella to Minseok.”

Baekhyun looks up at Jongdae, who’s now holding the yellow umbrella in his free hand. “Are you seriously explaining your excuse to go to Minseok?”

“Oh, my, was it obvious?”

“Look at your blushing face. Disgusting.”

“Just let me have my moment, asshole.”

Somehow he bursts into laughter upon the word. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Hey, been meaning to ask since, like, two days ago. Did you get to meet Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol.

 _Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol - who? Oh, right, Chanyeol_.

“I didn’t.”

Today is sunny.

“Ow. Maybe he was caught up with something.”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun’s gaze is now burning through the window, over the vibrant sky. “The rain.”

“Huh?”

“He was caught with the rain.”

He doesn’t hear more from Jongdae; maybe his friend found him weird. But he doesn’t care, for today is sunny.

  
  


The waiting is surely excruciating for him; he had done everything in the house, from cleaning up to making his own lunch and eating them. He even reorganized his clothes in the wardrobe despite only having few of them. He did everything to get into the flow of time so he wouldn’t have to be aware of its unfavorable leisureness, but he couldn’t beat it nonetheless.

Expecting something really drains energy, and he never even had much of it to begin with.

When the sun is starting to get lower, he hurries out of his house, making his way to the shore. But there is no Chanyeol. It’s supposed to be the time of the day when the guy comes to attempt surfing, but there is no one on the sands. Baekhyun looks up at the sky. _But it’s fucking sunny!_

He drops his gaze over the waters in front of him, hands resting on each of his sides. The colors in front of him are quite a sight, beautifully blended altogether. Baekhyun lets out a heavy sigh; he’s romanticising things again. Where is the guy who started it? Are the things between them going to end up not seeing the light? Or worse, has he been the only one hoping that something would be there between them?

“Pretty, isn’t it?”

Baekhyun shrieks in shock as he jumps to his side, immediately turning around to find the culprit. “What the -” he then falls into silence when he fully realizes who’s standing before him.

It’s the romanticizer coconut tree. In oversized white tee and light blue denim shorts. His right hand is supporting the red surfboard. The smile on his face is quite blinding, despite being directly under the sun itself.

“Hi.” Chanyeol lets out, sounding a little bit shy.

“... hi.”

And that’s when he knows for sure that he misses the guy in front of him.

“I was wondering if I should come up to your porch and knock. But you’re already here. What perfect timing.”

“Yeah.” _Perfect timing my ass._ “Right.” _You’re fucking late for two fucking days!_

“So, ready to see me fall off my board?” Chanyeol nudges his chin towards the waters. “I promise you it’ll be entertaining.”

“Where have you been?” Baekhyun is not even aware that he’s actually asking what he has been harboring inside his head.

He doesn’t like the momentary falter in Chanyeol’s smile. “Couldn’t be here, you know, it rained for two days straight.”

“Then _where_?”

“Did you look for me?”

 _Did I look -_ “Huh? Not… not really? I mean, well I wondered why I haven’t seen you around but it’s not like I went to some places to look for you.”

His heart drops when Chanyeol bursts into laughter. After two days of worrying and thinking of the worst scenario, after two days of contemplating whether he’s crazy or not, he gets replied with a laugh. But who is he blaming? It’s not as if Chanyeol had specifically asked him to worry and think about him all the time.

Looks like he’s the one to blame, even this time.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol calls his name, the mirth on his face is long gone, replaced with cautiousness. “Did you really look for me?”

He can’t even look Chanyeol in the eyes. The emotion building up in his throat is starting to suffocate him. “Maybe I fucking did.” he murmurs as he turns around, ready to run towards his house. He can’t even think straight for now, but he surely knows he’s in desperate need to gain back his clarity.

But then a hand wraps around his right wrist, and he freezes just like that. As easy as how he decided to run away.

“I’m sorry.” he hears Chanyeol’s voice, low and careful. “Did I make you worry?”

“Not even the slightest.”

“Still sorry.” There’s a short silence between them, and Baekhyun can almost hear Chanyeol thinking. “I can’t tell you where I was. But I assure you I was fine. I’m fine. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Whatever.”

“Besides, even if I wanted to come here, I couldn’t. It rained, remember?”

 _You could’ve chilled at my porch, you idiot_. “I don’t care.”

“I do. I care about you, and what I made you feel.”

In an instant, Baekhyun turns back to face Chanyeol again, hand still in the guy’s hold. “Oh? Really?” he narrows his eyes. “Why do you care about me? What do you think you made me feel?”

There, Chanyeol crawls back into his silent mode again. It’s starting to frustrate him, how Chanyeol seems so calm while he’s ablaze. “I just care about you. That’s all. Sorry that I can’t give you a cool reason for that. And I think… I made you worry.”

_‘I just care about you’, he said._

_Why would you do this to me, you coconut tree._

“Why would you care about me?” _when no one else does._

“Well, why would you worry about me?” Chanyeol offers him a soft smile.

 _Okay, you got me_. Baekhyun frees his hand from Chanyeol’s hold. In his mind, Sehun’s words about Chanyeol are echoing like a broken record. Is this person in front of him really leaving soon? Should he bring them up? Should he pretend that he knows nothing?

“Wanna go somewhere?” Chanyeol asks him out of the blue.

Baekhyun still doesn’t know how to deal with the dilemma inside his head, but he welcomes the idea anyway. “Where?”

“Remember the bookstore I showed you the other day?”

“You’re really taking me to a bookstore?” Baekhyun sighs. “If you had suggested this as a date, I would’ve rejected you and blocked you from my life.”

“So you’re not rejecting it, right?” Chanyeol grins.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Then it’s not a date.”

“What is it then?”

“Well, you know,” he watches as the guy lets go of his surfboard and offers the hand to him instead, “just an occasion which I’m using as a way to spend more time with you.”

Heat spreads across his cheeks. He was a gloomy wreck just a moment ago, but now he’s reaching out to take Chanyeol’s hand. However, as their palms are about to meet, Chanyeol suddenly pulls back and takes a step back from him. _What was that for?_ He could only look at Chanyeol in confusion.

“Forgot I had to keep my distance.” Chanyeol gives him a lop-sided smile.

‘ _If I keep my distance, would you keep me around?_ ’

“But I’ve told you, you don’t need to.” Baekhyun doesn’t know what’s possessing him from the inside, but he’s now reaching out to grab Chanyeol’s wrist. “Hold the goddamn hand.”

Is he crossing the line with this? Baekhyun wonders, but his mind goes blank the moment Chanyeol bursts into laughter, throwing his head back as the aftermath. “Why? Scared you’d get lost if you’re not held?”

 _Scared I’d lose you if I don’t hold you tight_. “Yeah. You see, I’m still not familiar with the streets here. Almost couldn’t find my way home. Sheesh. That was horrible.”

It urges another giggling fit on Chanyeol’s side. _Was I that funny?_ His breath hitches when Chanyeol wriggles his wrist out of his hold, only to tangle their fingers together. He almost can’t hear himself thinking over the suddenly roaring heartbeat from his chest, echoing against the walls of his skull. “Then stay close to me.” the man in front of him muses.

Somehow it feels like a kind of spell has been casted upon him. Baekhyun nods absentmindedly while he lets himself get dragged along. “Yeah. Will definitely do that.”

  
  


It’s an old book shop. Old, as in every aspect of it; from the building to the books displayed on the shelves. The lignin element in the paper that had broken down throughout the years grants them the faint vanilla scent that now wafts around him; _biblichor_ would be the word to describe, if he’s not mistaken. The slightly tangy, musty smell makes him blow his nose out of habit, causing Chanyeol to chuckle. Looks like the guy is already used to it, which implies that he has spent a lot of time here.

“Do you really like books?” Baekhyun asks, feeling a little bit self-conscious for asking a question to which the answer is rather obvious. But people said second confirmation shows the spike of interest. Not that he wasn’t already so invested in knowing Chanyeol before today.

“Honestly? I don’t. Or didn’t.” Chanyeol’s eyes are glued to a book. “But you know, this place is kinda short of entertainment, and one day I stumbled into this place. It just dawned to me that the books here have gone through so many years, been held by so many pairs of hands. Somehow I began to pick up the books and read random pages of them out of curiosity. Now I’ve finished some of them.”

Baekhyun nods, more to himself. “Maybe you just picked up a new hobby.”

“Or maybe I just like the idea of seeing something from a different perspective.”

 _Maybe you just love to see the beauty in everything_. “Why did you take me here?”

“To make _you_ see something from a different perspective.”

“... _me_?” he mumbles out, eyes slightly widened. “See what?”

“Yourself.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve been thinking about what you’ve told me.” Chanyeol picks out a book from the lowest row of the shelf in front of them. “You said you push everyone around you away.”

Something sinks in him. Chanyeol’s voice was soft, but the words were haunting. “And?”

“And I’d like to make you see it from another point of view.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“Have you ever wondered why you push people away?”

Something is starting to burn inside him. “Why is this a topic now?”

“If it’s not now, then when will it be?”

“What do you have to do with it anyway?”

Chanyeol replies to him with a smile instead. “You did that to Jongin too, didn’t you?”

‘ _What do you even know?_ ’

“Oh?” Baekhyun frowns. “He told on me, huh?”

“More like he mentioned that you visited, and I persuaded him into telling me how you were doing while I was not around. You see, I was worried.”

Then something melts inside him. Why can’t Chanyeol keep being annoying? Why does he have to play his heart like this? “And he told you I spat on him.”

“You spat on him??”

“Metaphorically, gosh.”

“Oh thank goodness.”

“ _Thank goodness_? You really think I’d spit on someone?!”

Chanyeol bursts into a titter. “No. Sorry. Don’t get mad.” he lets out in the middle of wheezing.

Huffing, Baekhyun fights the heat that’s threatening to spread across his cheeks. “Thanks, now I forgot what we were talking about.”

“I still remember. Okay.” Chanyeol exhales heavily. “The point is, it just doesn’t feel right to me that you think of yourself so badly like that. I’d like to make you see yourself in a different way.”

Baekhyun is now back at resenting the whole conversation. He looks up at the guy, who’s now hugging the book close to his chest, eyes gentle on him. “Even if I see myself in another way, it still won’t change who I am.”

“It won’t.” Chanyeol nods slightly. “But won’t it feel better if there’s at least one person who understands why you did what you did, without judging you while at it? Even if it’s just yourself.”

“Chanyeol,” he sighs, “what makes you think I don’t understand myself?”

“Because you told me you push people away, yet you apologized to Jongin yesterday.”

‘ _I know I’m not the nicest person in the world, but that was so low of me._ ’

“You told me you push people away, yet you’re still here listening to my boring ramblings, despite obviously hating this.”

Baekhyun looks down over his sneakers. “I don’t hate you, okay, I just hate the topic.”

“I know.”

“Why do you even care about what I think about myself? I mean,” he looks up to meet Chanyeol’s gaze again, “I appreciate it, I really do. But why?”

“Because I’m your -”

Chanyeol stops right at the word. Something in the air feels strange out of sudden.

“You’re my what?”

He watches as the guy shakes his head. “For now, I can only tell you that I really, really care about you. I can’t tell you the reason. Could you… trust me and bear with it for a while?”

Something in him bursts, spreading poison into his veins that forces him to create empty hopes for himself; could it be that Chanyeol likes him that way?

“Okay.” he settles.

A smile blooms on Chanyeol’s lips. “Okay.” the guy then hands out the book to him. “Here. This one is pretty cool.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at the said book. The soft cover is a picture of the night sky in monochromatic colors. There are silver letters spelling out ‘Universe’. At least it’s not thick. “Fine.” he takes it hesitantly.

“Would you like some strawberry shaved ice? Minseok is the best at making them.”

He looks up immediately at Chanyeol. “Now that’s what I call a date!” Baekhyun turns around. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go.”

Smiling, he hears Chanyeol laughing behind him - and then says in an audible murmur, “still so weak for strawberry, I see.”

He stops abruptly before turning his head around to take a look at Chanyeol. “What?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen at him. “What?”

“You said something.”

“I… didn’t?”

“... oh.” he casts his gaze down. Then he shakes his head. “Forget it.”

The guy smiles again while zooming towards him. “Already a mess without me next to you?” Chanyeol muses, swiftly taking a hold of his hand.

Baekhyun hates how daring Chanyeol is. But it’s the kind of hatred that sends tingling feeling into his stomach, the kind of hatred that pulls him even closer towards the other guy’s gravity. “Whatever.” he huffs, failing to prevent a wide grin from spreading across his own face.

===

The afternoon snacking stretches out to dinner and hanging out at the night street market. Baekhyun stands in front of the usual _tteokbokki_ booth, holding a paper bowl of the dish on his hands, while his ears take in the beautiful sound of guitar and Chanyeol’s pianissimo rendition of a song that sounds familiar yet he can’t really recall. The warm white lights from above are doing something to the whole atmosphere; it’s beautiful, the kind of beauty that gives him a bittersweet feeling.

It’s quite a shame that something bitter always follows behind whatever sweet thing he encounters in his life.

“There he is.” someone appears next to him. “You found him at last.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at the tall guy. He doesn’t say a thing before turning his head back on Chanyeol.

“I was being too much, I guess.” Sehun continues his monologue. “I mean, I know I was. After some thinking, I figured out that it wasn’t even my place to step in.”

He still doesn’t respond.

“I just want you to know that I care about that man. And since he cares about you, that also means at some point I’ve gotta care for you too.”

“Thanks, but I don’t need you to.”

“No, you see, caring about you is my way to care about him.” Now he finally turns to Sehun. “He seems so happy to have met you. I can’t annoy the person who makes him happy.”

“What is he to you anyway?” Baekhyun finally lets out.

Sehun takes his moment to think. “A friend,” he pauses shortly, “who just happened to have seen him breaking into pieces.”

Something in him churns.

“The moment I saw him being a mess, I gained a responsibility to help him fix himself. In any way. Even if that way costs something on my side.”

Baekhyun gulps in the emotion slowly bubbling in his throat. Something doesn’t feel right about the whole conversation they’re having. “What,” he says in a hushed voice, “what happened to him?”

The tall guy shakes his head slowly. “Sorry. Not my place to tell. But I have a feeling that you’d figure it out soon.”

“Figure out what?”

It’s Junmyeon, looking crisp even in a dark green sweater and black jeans. Sehun’s face lights up a little at the sight of his cousin. “Where were you?”

“Stealing some _mandu_ from that booth at the corner. Hi there, city guy.” Junmyeon smiles at him politely. “Where’s Jongdae?”

“Off with Minseok, of course.” he informs before letting out a heavy sigh. “Feels like I’m the only tourist here.”

Junmyeon flashes a grin. “That’s just what this village does. Soon you’ll feel like you’ve always been here as well.”

 _Again?_ Baekhyun settles down with a laugh before turning around to watch Chanyeol again. _Why does everyone keep telling me that shit?_

“How is _he_?” he overhears Junmyeon asking his cousin. “I was kept inside the office for almost two hours. Can’t believe I had to skip my actual work to suck up.”

“ _He_ ’s stable. Too stable, if I might say.” Sehun replies in a whisper; it’s still audible for him. “He’s been like this for eight months. I have a bad feeling.”

Who are they talking about?

“Don’t talk like that about my patient.”

“Uh, he’s my patient too, so.”

_Patient? What patient?_

“You just happened to be assigned to my wing, you beansprout.”

“... was that supposed to be an insult?”

Baekhyun slowly turns around. The cousins are now laughing at each other, but the laughter subsides when they realize they’re being stared at. “You good, city guy?” Junmyeon blinks at him.

He doesn’t even know how to word out what he’s thinking. He’s not even sure of what he’s supposed to be thinking of. In the end, he just shakes his head and dismisses the confusion from the cousins. _Is my head really messed up?_

Chanyeol is now staring back at him. Even from such a distance, he could tell that Chanyeol is giving him a smile; or maybe it’s just his imagination, and honestly? He wouldn’t even mind.

  
  


It’s late at night when Chanyeol walks him home. Baekhyun finds himself enjoying the sound of their shoes digging into the sands while they slowly make their way towards the porch and the warmth conducted from Chanyeol’s hand holding his; even the metaphorically irregular beating of his heart. They haven’t shared a word since they started walking away from the market, but the silence they kept between each other has been a pleasant and comfortable one. It gives Baekhyun a chance to bask in Chanyeol’s whole presence, for it’s still a wonder to him that he’s got a whole Chanyeol next to him.

“Well?” Chanyeol finally breaks the silence as they stop right before the stairs that would lead to the porch.

Baekhyun eyes the door to his house. It’s such a shame that the walk has ended. He’s not ready to send Chanyeol away, but he also can’t keep him around without any proper justification. “Well,” he trails off.

“I should head back now.”

“Alright.” Baekhyun’s gaze falls onto their joined hands. “Thanks, for walking me home.”

“My pleasure.” he feels Chanyeol giving his own hand a gentle squeeze. His breath hitches when Chanyeol lets him go; the sudden cold is painful.

The sound of waves rippling against each other fills in another silence between them. Baekhyun gulps when he sees Chanyeol taking a step closer to him, then another step, then another step until he could actually hear Chanyeol’s breathing. He tries so hard to stay calm despite the loud drumming of his heart.

“I’ll be here again tomorrow.” the guy tells him in a gentle voice.

Baekhyun dares to look up, almost letting out a gasp when he finds that there’s a very little gap between their faces. “What if it rains again tomorrow?”

Chanyeol shakes his head a little. “It’ll be sunny. Just like today.”

“How about you just come anyway even if it rains?”

He watches as Chanyeol holds back a chuckle. “I’ll see what I can do.”

‘ _He doesn’t come out of his room whenever it rains._ ’

‘ _\- he’s leaving soon. Don’t waste time._ ’

“You… you’re not leaving anywhere anytime soon, right?”

He had wished Chanyeol would seem a little bit baffled with the random question, and then laugh it off, or even tease him about how he’s already head over heels for him. He had wished Sehun’s words were just a lame attempt to get him away. But Chanyeol doesn’t give him any response right away, as if he’s thinking about an excuse. And suddenly, he’s afraid. He’s officially afraid.

“Chanyeol?” he coaxes, hoping his anxiousness is not obvious.

“I’ll be here tomorrow.” Chanyeol lets out in a hushed voice. “I promise you that.”

It’s not the answer he expected, not the one he deserves. But it’s good enough, because it’s a promise that he would see Chanyeol again. At least he can be sure about this one. Again, he can only nod at the guy. He can bring it up again sometime in the future.

“Am I taking up too much of your space?” Chanyeol asks him out of the blue.

Bless Baekhyun and his trembling heart, and his knees that are getting weaker as they speak. He only results in shaking his head as an answer.

“Then,” the guy’s gaze now moves lower, and Baekhyun hates himself for knowing where exactly it is, “may I take a little bit more?”

Baekhyun wants to think this through, but his head is paralyzed at the moment. All that he can manage to do is nod once. Why is he agreeing to this? He doesn’t know exactly why, but he surely knows that he doesn’t have to reject it anyway. Now he’s staring at Chanyeol’s lips; there is not much of details he could make out in the dim lighting from the moon, but at the same time he’s seeing it all so clear. He notes the shape of Chanyeol’s plump lips, the slight twitch of the bottom as they start shortening the distance between them, and eventually, his eyes flutter shut. He inhales, catching the faint scent of musk along.

None of them dare to be the first to close the space between their lips.

Or maybe one of them is bound to take it to the next step, and could’ve done so, if only they were never shocked by the loud sound coming from the porch.

They both gasp and immediately pull away from each other, immediately turning their heads towards the source of the sound. There’s Jongdae, standing before the main door, staring back at them with a blank expression on his face.

They then engage themselves in a staring battle for a moment before Jongdae breaks it with covering his eyes with his hands. “Ew.” Jongdae murmurs.

Baekhyun had never felt such a strong urge to run to his best friend and choke him. “What are you -”

“I was wondering why you haven’t come home yet and decided to wait for you outside but I see you have some business going on so yeah keep going.”

He sighs heavily, finding that Chanyeol is laughing out loud, throwing his head back in giddiness. He can’t help but smile; Chanyeol’s joy is just that infectious.

“See you tomorrow.” Chanyeol manages to say between his giggles. He then calms himself down and reaches down to peck the apple of his left cheek, the touch of his lips so soft like one of a feather. This is more than enough for now. This would do. The fluttering feeling would keep him company throughout his sleep tonight.

But still, Baekhyun gasps in disappointment when Chanyeol lets go of him and starts to walk backwards. “See you tomorrow.” he whispers dreamily.

Chanyeol waves at him while turning around. As usual, Baekhyun stays on his spot and watches the guy walking away from him, the sight of his back getting smaller and smaller until he can’t see him anymore.

He finally goes for the porch in hurried steps, making Jongdae immediately open the door and run inside in fear. “Come here you fucking asshole cockblock fucker shitfuck -”

===

Buildings. Tall buildings everywhere.

‘ _It’s not your fault._ ’

The car is moving at a reasonable speed. Everything is quiet. Not even the car’s engine can be heard. It’s raining outside, yet there’s no sound of pitter-patter on the roof of the car. The streets look questionably empty.

“I love you, Baek.”

Such a familiar voice, saying such sweet words.

But it sounded so, so sad.

"Why won't you let me love you?"

‘ _We won’t be mad at you, so just… come back._ ’

And then there is another voice, sounding like a woman. It's so distant that it feels like a whisper in his head. But whose voice is that?

“Why won’t you let me make you happy? Why won’t you let yourself be happy?"

Baekhyun finally pries his gaze off of the window and slowly turns his head to his left, to find the source of the voice. But when his eyes get caught on the road, something is already there in front of them, inching nearer and nearer.

Before the sudden darkness, his ears catch another sentence from the faint voice.

‘ _You don’t have to follow him as well._ ’

* * *


	6. The Epiphany

When he opens his eyes, it's still dark outside.

His head immediately aches the moment he gains his entire consciousness; must be from the sudden fall out of his sleep. His eyes sting whenever he tries to open them properly. _What the hell happened?_

Usually, he won’t be able to recall the nightmares he had, only remembering the distress he felt. But this time he could actually recall some of the scenes, albeit faintly; he was in a car with someone, having a conversation, and it went black out of sudden. He had lived so many years of having nightmares, and he could faintly recall some of them, but this one feels even worse than those he had before.

He’s already used to it, but that doesn’t lessen his distress everytime it happens.

Mourning for the good sleep he lost, he falls backwards onto his pillows again and closes his eyes to at least ease the ache in his head. It’s going to be a futile attempt, he knows it very well, but he should try it anyway.

  
  


When the sun is already quite high in the sky, he goes to the market with Jongdae to buy some produce. Somehow Minseok is there to tag along with them, and he cringes when he sees Jongdae trying to hide his giddy smile. He just shakes his head in amusement and walks a little faster ahead so he could give the couple some space. It’s a little bit weird to see Minseok at this hour, considering that he’s a teacher who’s bound by the school’s hours, but he doesn’t say a thing when he sees Jongdae giggling at something Minseok says.

For once, he should be the one walking in the shadows of a couple.

He gets them apples, clementines and two kinds of vegetables. There’s a possibility that they’d be eating out again today, so he doesn’t want to overstock the fridge. Besides, who knows where he’d be having his lunch later; maybe he could take Chanyeol to Kyungsoo’s diner. That, if Chanyeol shows up at the shore.

‘ _See you tomorrow_.’

He’ll see if Chanyeol is good at keeping his promise.

“Hi there.” his ears catch a familiar voice from his right. He turns aside and finds a familiar face; it’s Yixing, with his ever so calm and poised face, holding a bag of groceries in his hands.

“Hey!” Baekhyun is genuinely delighted to see the fella. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I could say the same.” Yixing gives him a slight smile. “I see you’re done with your shopping.”

Baekhyun glances down at the bags in his hands. “Yeah. I see you’re done as well.”

“Do you have any plans for the rest of the morning?”

 _Aside from waiting for Chanyeol like a fool?_ “Not really. What’s up?”

“You see, I sometimes help deliver stuff to the hospice. Flowers, clothes, food. Today I’m supposed to bring fresh flowers, and that fishcake Uncle asked if I could take the fishcake along. Figured out I need an extra pair of hands.” Yixing keeps his eyes on the fishcake booth for a moment before turning back to him. “Would you help me?”

It’s a fast process of thinking in his head. He’d get the chance to keep himself busy while waiting to meet Chanyeol in the afternoon, and he’d be able to leave Jongdae free with Minseok. “Of course!” Baekhyun nods. “I’ll just give these bags to Jongdae first.”

Yixing’s smile gets wider in gratitude. “I’ll wait for you at the entrance.”

  
  


They travel to the hospice by car; it’s a sleek black SUV, and Baekhyun isn’t even surprised when Yixing tells him it belongs to his husband-to-be. The backseat and trunk are filled with boxes of fishcake and properly wrapped pots of fresh flower. It’s perfectly sunny outside, and Baekhyun can’t even hide the giddiness bubbling inside him; he’s going to see Chanyeol again, and that’s already the highlight of today.

“You seem excited.” Yixing’s comment steals his attention from the sky. “Do you find the voluntary work that great?”

Baekhyun almost bursted into laughter. “Well, yeah,” he murmurs while holding back a grin, “maybe.”

“Although the thought of volunteering certainly doesn't make people blush.”

Out of defense, Baekhyun puts both of his hands on his cheeks. “When did you even look -”

“I didn’t. You confirmed it yourself just now.”

Seeing Yixing’s mischievous smirk, Baekhyun leans back against the car seat in disbelief. “I didn’t expect you to be this… humorous.”

“Oh, I’m nowhere near humorous.” Yixing chuckles. “I’m just a self-professed mind reader.”

“So you knew what I was thinking about?”

“Certainly _not_ about the work at the hospice or food, am I right?”

Baekhyun finally laughs. “Amazing. I’m shivering.”

“And probably about someone you like.”

“... now I am shivering for real.”

“And probably you’re going to meet him very soon, which is what you’ve been so excited about.”

“Yixing, do you really read people’s mind?”

This time it’s the florist who titters. “I was just guessing! You gave yourself away.”

“That was so creepy.” Baekhyun feigns horror on his face, knowing that Yixing is glancing at him repeatedly. “But seriously, was it that obvious?”

“I really was just guessing.” Yixing’s laugh subsides gradually. “It must be wonderful, to be at the beginning of being in love.”

Somehow, the words fell in his ears in a rather sad manner. “How about the way to marriage? Is it great?”

There’s a moment of silence between them, and Baekhyun immediately regrets ever asking, feeling like he had crossed the line. But then Yixing sighs softly. “Would it be fine if I say it’s… not that great?”

“Wrong person?”

“Junmyeon is the best person I could’ve loved.”

“Then wrong timing?”

“We got engaged last year, so it’s all a normal process.”

“... wrong place?”

“I think where we hold our wedding is not really relevant in this matter.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I know, right? What’s the problem, if there even is one?” Yixing’s voice trails off as he makes a turn. “Everything has been going so great. I really love Junmyeon, and he showed me how much he loves me. We’ve been preparing the wedding steadily, nothing was rushed and all. But there’s just… this feeling in me, that has been keeping me from being content with what’s happening.”

Baekhyun looks away, opting for the trees outside. Thinking about this is giving him a strong sense of deja vu. _So I wasn’t crazy after all._ “Maybe you’re not ready?”

“I’ve thought about that. But I don't think that’s it. I mean, let’s say I’m not ready, then why? I can’t think of the reason. We’re both adults, almost in our thirties, we’ve been together since college, and I can’t really imagine not having Junmyeon in my life. What’s making me doubt all of this?”

 _I know, right?_ Baekhyun closes his eyes for a while, trying to suppress the flashes of a rather bothersome memory. “Have you ever felt that you’re not good enough for your lover?”

Yixing doesn’t answer it right away. Maybe he, too, is weighing up and down about the matter.

“Like, you love him, and you know he loves you, but something is just not…” he lets out a long sigh, “something just keeps bugging you. As if something bad is waiting at the end of the good thing you’re having right now.”

“Or,” Yixing adds in, “you just have too much baggage that you’re afraid you won’t be able to love him right while having it inside you.”

The words escaped the florist’s lips rather coldly, piercing through his chest mercilessly. He wonders if they’re reading each other’s mind at the moment. “And you’re afraid you can’t treat him right…” he whispers, “because you never got to see how to love someone properly.”

Yixing’s silence starts to feel dreadful to him. “Did something like that happen to you?” the florists inquires.

 _I’m not even sure what the hell happened back there._ “You can say so.”

“If something like that happened and you’re here now, does that mean it’s all over between you and the guy?”

“It’s not it.” he doesn’t know why his answer comes out like a snap. “I asked him to give me some time to think. I’m here to do that. Thinking.”

The hospice’s building is already in their sight. They would arrive in less than five minutes, and Baekhyun wishes Yixing could just step on the pedal deeper so they won’t have to continue the conversation. “This village is a great place for thinking.” the florist slows down instead upon nearing the entrance gate. “But you know you can’t stay here forever, right?”

 _Wow, that’s new_. “Why?” Baekhyun glances at him. “Why can’t I?”

“The break gave you this freedom,” Yixing makes a turn into the lot, “but the wait it costs him could be suffocating. The pain of separation always falls on the one who still waits, after all.”

They stop right next to the stairs up to the entrance door. Yixing undoes his seatbelt and takes a moment to take a look at him, and Baekhyun can’t even be mad at how it seems like Yixing is giving him a bitter medicine to swallow.

“What if I found something here that makes me want to stay?” he asks instead.

“Something? Or is it _someone_?”

Chanyeol’s face immediately pops up in his head.

“I’d like to think that the one you left back in the city and the one you found in this village are the same person.” Yixing gives him a soft smile. “Consider them the same, then you’d figure out what to do. Trust me.”

  
  


Yixing’s eerie words still haunt him even as he busies himself with arranging flower pots at the windowsills while the florist takes the job of giving out the fishcake instead. The hospice doesn’t roof many people; only a few elders and a group of children, and even with their family members included, the place doesn’t get crowded still. Most of the caretakers are helping Yixing with the food, while the rest of them and a few other volunteers help him place the pots. Baekhyun forces his head to focus on the flowers, although differentiating them by colors is the only thing he excels at. And Chanyeol. He should focus on coming up with a plan about what to do with Chanyeol later.

“I’ve never seen you before.” a little boy, probably not any older than eight, comes to his side.

“I’m here on a trip.” Baekhyun says as he guides the boy’s hand to carefully touch the tip of the pink petals in front of them.

“How long have you been here?”

“... more than a week, or so. Why?”

The boy’s attention is stuck on the flower for a moment before he lets go. “Then you should probably go home soon, right?”

Baekhyun stifles an amused giggle. “But why?”

“People back home must be missing you.”

“Nah, don’t worry. No one misses me.”

The boy shrugs. “You wouldn’t know that if you don’t go home.”

Baffled, Baekhyun can only frown in confusion as the boy walks away from him as if he hadn’t said anything bizarre. His gaze follows the boy’s figure getting further from him, mind still tangled by the boy’s words of wisdom.

Whom he finds at the end of his sightline only makes him gasp.

There stands Chanyeol, in oversized faded yellow t-shirt, ripped blue jeans and white sneakers. His thick black locks are left to set naturally. He could see the ears protruding from each side of his head. And there it is, that signature wide smile. Baekhyun starts to wonder if Chanyeol just casually throws that smile on everyone he meets. Isn’t it tiring to smile that wide everyday?

Chanyeol comes towards his way, steps light and swift. Baekhyun tries to calm his roaring heart down - _shut up, calm down, it’s just Chanyeol, calm the fuck down_. In less than ten seconds, the guy is already standing right before him.

“Hello there.” Chanyeol greets hushedly.

Baekhyun gulps down to cure the sudden dryness in his throat. “Hi.”

“How did you end up here?”

“I, uh,” he cranes his neck left and right, “I came with Yixing. We met at the market, and he said he needed help with the stuff. So. Yeah. Here I am. How about you?”

“I believe I’ve told you before that I hang out with the kids here often.”

Baekhyun suddenly recalls Junmyeon ever saying something similar to him. “Right.”

“It feels so great to meet you so early like this.” he notices faint hues of pink starting to spread across Chanyeol’s cheeks - _or am I imagining shit?_ “But I’d still keep my promise to be there at the shore.”

He was about to assure Chanyeol that he doesn’t have to go there if he’s occupied - what matters is that they meet again - but out of sudden a child shouts for Chanyeol’s name in high pitched voice. They both find a little girl waving his hand, signaling Chanyeol to go to them, and Baekhyun has never felt so annoyed by a child like this. _Were you born a fricking cockblock?_

“Sorry, I was in the middle of teaching them a new song and excused myself to the toilet. Then I saw you on my way back. Totally forgot what I was doing.”

Long gone was the annoyance, replaced with giddiness caused by Chanyeol’s flattering statement. “Well, you should go back.”

“I should go back.” Chanyeol still doesn’t move an inch.

“That little lady looks like she wants to strangle me.”

“Her hands won’t be able to reach your whole neck.”

“What if she stabs me later?”

“She can’t even hold a spoon properly yet.”

“I think her eyes have lasers. Man, look at them.”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol almost chokes on his own chuckle, “she’s a harmless six years old.”

Feigning ignorance, Baekhyun huffs as he looks away. “Then go back to your harmless six years old meanie.”

Chanyeol only doubles in laughter, having his moment before slowly turning around. Baekhyun turns sour out of the blue; something doesn’t feel right, doesn't feel complete.

He then watches as Chanyeol faces him again and leans in, and before he could register what’s going on, he’s already leaning against Chanyeol’s chest while a hand secures him from behind. Chanyeol is half hugging him. _Oh, this_. Now it all feels right and complete.

“See you later.” the guy whispers into his ears, sweet and tender. Baekhyun almost gets drunk on it.

He gently rubs his forehead against Chanyeol’s collarbone as an answer.

  
  


Chanyeol is good, as in _good_ , with guitar, music and handling the kids. They all listen to him like a herd of clueless sheep being hypnotized by their shepherd. Baekhyun watches in awe as the guy keeps talking to them as if they’re his long time friends, obviously holding their hearts in his hand. Next to him is Yixing, humming every now and then to the kids song Chanyeol has been teaching his dudes and gals for almost an hour.

“So it’s him, huh?” he’s a little bit startled when Yixing turns to him.

“Who?”

“Chanyeol. The one you found here, who makes you want to stay.”

Baekhyun recalls their conversation in the car, and now he’s feeling bitter again. He doesn’t answer the question.

And surprisingly, Yixing doesn’t press more onto the matter. He just settles down his fulfilled curiosity with a friendly smile and a pat on his right thigh before resuming his humming session. Somehow Baekhyun could feel that Yixing drops the topic on purpose, and he’s somehow thankful for it.

A moment later, both of them are stunned when a volunteer, who’s sitting near them, asks in a low voice, “where do you think _that room_ is?”

He sees from his peripheral vision that Yixing turns to the said volunteer, which makes him do so. Turns out the guy was asking another female volunteer, who’s now glancing around.

“I think it’s on this floor.”

“What room?” Baekhyun asks Yixing in a whisper.

Yixing keeps his silence for a moment before answering. “Have you heard a rumor about this hospice?”

“About a patient being locked up in a room?”

“Yep. It was said that there’s a room in this hospice, numbered 164, which contains a patient with… a very specific condition. Which was why they have been locked up in the said room.”

“And people here believe that?”

“Well, what do you expect from our small village?” Yixing chuckles softly. “But I don’t believe it, though. Even if there is one, it won’t be my problem anyway.”

Seeing the logic in the statement, Baekhyun leans back against the chair in satisfaction. Then suddenly, ever so suddenly, he’s reminded of the words Sehun told him nights ago. “Yixing, may I ask you something?” he waits until he gets his permission. “How much do you know about Chanyeol?”

“Maybe just as much as everybody’s knowledge about him.” the tone of Yixing’s voice somehow assures him that the guy is being truthful.

And for that, Baekhyun feels like he could trust the guy. “Sehun seems to know a lot about him.”

“Sehun? Of course, he’s the closest to Chanyeol among us. But I believe we all know what Sehun knows.”

“Sehun told me Chanyeol is leaving.”

The slight pause on Yixing’s side makes him doubt about continuing the conversation. “Ah, that.” still, Yixing doesn’t waver. “I know that. We all know that.”

“Then…” Baekhyun fights the dread bubbling in his throat, “when, and where to? Why?”

“The thing is, all we know is that he’s going to leave one of these days. We don’t know when he’d go and where he’d be headed to. As to why, we don’t know for sure, but this was what I’ve told Junmyeon when we were having this talk; Chanyeol was never supposed to be here.”

 _He was what?_ “Can you tell me more?”

“Hm, how should I explain?” Yixing hums. “It’s just that, he was never meant to be here, and to stay here this long. He has to leave as soon as possible. If I might say, he should’ve left months ago.”

“Then why is he still here?”

Yixing was about to answer when their gaze met, and the guy finally sees how much of a wreck his expression has become. “Are you okay?” Yixing asks him in worry.

 _I am not._ “Please just answer me.”

“But are you -”

“ _Please_.”

Letting out a sigh, Yixing shifts on the chair to be able to face him properly. “He’s waiting.” the florist whispers to him. “He kept himself here to wait. For something, or someone, that’s beyond me.

But he’s waiting. And I think he’d finally leave once he’s done with it.”

===

The morning turns into afternoon ever so quickly, the hours seeping from his hands. Magically, Baekhyun doesn’t think of the last serious words he shared with Yixing today, despite the heavy dread it planted in him. Or maybe it’s his coping mechanism working to fight it off. Maybe it’s just too horrible that he decides to shrug it off so he won’t crumble down from the weight.

He finds himself sitting across Chanyeol, who’s enjoying his _naengmyeon_ at a slow pace, as if to savor the taste. He himself is taking his time to eat his seafood _bibimbap_ . It’s giving them the chance to steal glances at each other every now and then, fighting off stupid grins from their own faces everytime. They haven’t properly talked to each other ever since the morning in the hospice, but somehow they feel full enough by each other’s presence. _Lord, am I really crazy?_

Kyungsoo gives them a plate of chicken popcorn for free because “the weather is great for sharing chicken with someone.” Jongin nods too excitedly from the cashier counter while munching on his own share of food, making all of them laugh at him in adoration.

They walk down the streets hand in hand, and Baekhyun marvels at how natural this all feels to him. His hand being held by Chanyeol, walking next to Chanyeol, making small talks with Chanyeol and chuckling occasionally at some parts, just existing there with Chanyeol. It’s crazy, how it seems like things are falling into their places when he’s with someone he never expected he’d ever meet in his life.

This feeling in his chest, it’s too wonderful that it’s starting to seem dangerous.

And the feeling stays, haunting him, even as they’re walking on the sand again, making their way to the shore. They’re almost halfway there when Chanyeol tugs at his arm, making him look up. “Wanna race there?” the guy flashes him a mischievous smile.

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. “You think you can beat me?”

“Let’s find out.” Chanyeol muses, already taking off his shoes.

Feeling the sudden rush inside him, Baekhyun also takes his shoes off and toss them aside, shouting for Chanyeol, asking him to be fair because he stole a few seconds of head start while having long legs as advantage. He can hear Chanyeol laughing while running straight to the shore. He does his best to tail right behind him.

Somehow Chanyeol slows down a little, making Baekhyun take his chance to pass him by triumphantly; maybe he should’ve let Chanyeol know he was a track athlete back in high school. But when he glances back, he finds Chanyeol already charging towards him, making him add his speed. To no avail, Chanyeol catches up with him in a moment, tackling him down by his torso. They fall onto the sand with sore limbs and boisterous laughter, almost tangled with each other.

“So who won?” Baekhyun asks breathlessly.

“Dunno.” Chanyeol snorts. “Winning will be lonely anyway.”

Sighing heavily, Baekhyun adjusts his position on the sand to be right next to Chanyeol, who’s now closing his eyes with a soft smile resting on his lips. For a moment, he can’t look away. His gaze is locked with Chanyeol’s face. What is it about this guy that stole almost all of his attention?

Caught in the moment, the words naturally flow to his lips and break out; “when will you leave this place?”

Chanyeol opens his eyes, head slowly shifting towards him. He looks a little bit caught off guard by the sudden question. “Do you think I’m leaving?”

“Well, you can’t be staying here forever, right?” Baekhyun looks away, eyes fluttering shut when the sunlight starts to sting. “Everybody here has been saying that this village makes you never want to leave but that’s not the case, isn’t it? Some people are bound to leave.”

“What kind of people?”

Flashes of the city appear in his mind. “People who have something to go back to, away from this place.”

“Do you have something to go back to?”

“My fiance.”

The silence that follows his revelation starts to scare him.

“Then when will _you_ leave?” Chanyeol asks, nothing bitter or resentful in his voice. Just pure curiosity and gentleness. And if he dares to say, a tinge of sadness.

“When I’m ready.” _to face him_. “And I don’t know when I’ll be.” Baekhyun waits for Chanyeol’s reply, but it doesn’t come.

Instead, another question replaces it. “What happened?”

_What happened?_

_I fucked up big time. That was what happened._

“I couldn’t love him properly.”

He keeps his eyes closed, so he won’t have to see Chanyeol’s reaction.

“You see, I’ve had it bad long before I met him.” he continues nonetheless. “I grew up in a family of four, me being the youngest in the house. My brother is eight years older than me. Ever since I was a child, my family always doted on me, because apparently I wasn’t even planned. The bonus kid, they said. Growing up, I felt like my family was the most perfect one in the world. I’ve got cool and loving parents, I’ve got an older brother I always looked up to.

Then one day when I was seventeen, my parents sat me and my brother down in the living room. They informed us they were going to get a divorce.”

‘ _This is a decision we made after a long discussion, so your mother and I can safely tell both of you that… it’s the best solution for us._ ’

“Man, I was confused. Fucking confused. We were just talking about a trip to Japan the day before, then they came up with that thing? I couldn’t understand. They were so loving. So good with each other. I couldn’t understand. Maybe I still don’t understand.

My brother, though, was so calm. Too calm for a child whose parents just dropped the divorce bomb upon him. I realized I was the only one _not_ prepared. Apparently, the three of them have known about the things that led to that decision. Apparently, my parents were never happy. They all just hid whatever they could, to be able to show me only the good stuff. For years, they’ve played house with me. I was the only one in the dark.

And you know what was even crazier? It was my brother who suggested to my parents that they should break up.”

‘ _It’s the only way to save them, Baekhyun._ ’

“I was so, so angry. I might have broken some of the stuff around the house while I was caught in a trance. I kept asking them why, why, why couldn’t they be happy when everything was fine. Why did no one ever tell me that our family was nothing but a cheap budgeted TV drama. Why couldn’t they stay and work it out if they really loved each other. Why did no one ever ask me if I was fine with the divorce. Why I didn’t matter in the discussion.

In the end, I was the only one who wanted to fight for the family. But I was still desperate. I thought, maybe if I show them how much I wanted us to stick together, they would reconsider. So I got a little bit crazy, and decided to… threaten them, by attempting to kill myself.”

‘ _Wake up, Baekhyun, wake up!_ ’

“Overdosed on my mom’s sleeping pills. I really thought I’d die. But unfortunately, I woke up. My parents cried like hell. I was even worse. I begged them to stay together. I begged, and begged, and begged. They finally said they’d reconsider things.

But in the end, it didn’t work. What was the point of them staying together when things have gone that way? Nothing would ever be the same. None of them had the energy to try and fix things anyway. So after a year, they officially got divorced. My dad left the house and bought a condominium in the same neighborhood. He tried his best to keep in touch with us. Somehow, throughout the years, my parents still did things for each other, and my brother always welcomed every occasion where we could sit together and talk. I was the only one who couldn’t see past my bitterness. I ended up being the difficult duck in the family.”

‘ _Baekhyun, dear, all I ask is for you to be more open about this. How many times do I have to beg you? I know what you feel inside. Of all people, I should be the one who knows it too well. But it’s not it. Not like this, Baekhyun._ ’

“I loved picking up fights with my dad. I always made a big deal out of everything he did, and he always tried his best to let it all slide.”

‘ _It’s alright. I would never blame you for hating me. I could never._ ’

“My brother always tried to knock some sense into my head. Somehow it was my fault that things couldn’t be as smooth as how they should’ve been. Somehow it was my fault that I couldn’t be happy for my parents. No one ever really tried to think of _my_ happiness, I guess.”

‘ _For God’s sake, Byun Baekhyun, it’s been a decade! Get the hell over it and stop making it difficult for everybody! You’re not the only one hurt, you know that._ ’

“And in the end, my bitterness got in my way to love someone. To properly love the only person who cared about my happiness. All _he_ ever did to me was love me with all of him, yet I couldn’t even give him the same. The last thing I told him was that I wanted some time away from him, when I knew very well his existence in this world was the thing that saved me years ago.”

‘ _Don’t I deserve your trust, Baek?_ ’

“That, was what happened.”

His eyes are burning and wet, although no tears have rolled out so far. He decides to get up to sit, opening his eyes to the beautiful sight of the sea in front of him, wondering why he had to tell Chanyeol all of that. Would the guy walk away from him after this? Even if he does, maybe it would be for the better. He can’t afford to burden one more person with his baggage.

He could sense that Chanyeol is also getting up. Now they’re sitting together, and Baekhyun was about to stand up so he could leave and carry his own troubles away when he feels a hand gently patting his back repeatedly. The pats then cease, and a finger traces around his back; Chanyeol is writing something.

‘It’s okay’, it spells out.

Frozen, Baekhyun could only look down over the sand while tears finally escape his eyes. He feels Chanyeol draping an arm around his shoulder and pulls him into his arms, securing him in an embrace. He’s not even sobbing; he just leans against Chanyeol chest like a rag doll, letting his tears do the work. Chanyeol is now patting his arm. If it’s Chanyeol’s attempt to calm him down, then it’s not working, because now he only feels overwhelmed with the warmth the guy radiates. Everything about Chanyeol is so warm.

The sun sets, and this time, they both stay together to watch it until the dark.

  
  


“Even as the sunlight shines down on me, in its bright and vivid glory, everything around me is still dim and blue. Half of me is always a dark, endless night, where I dream of chances to make things right with you.

I can’t help but wonder, how about you? Are you also in this long wait with me? Do you, too, hope that you could see me, as much as how I want to see you? My heart always aches from not knowing about you and your thoughts. Even after all this time, I still don’t know everything about you.”

Baekhyun opens an eye to take a peek when Chanyeol stops reading. They’re now seated on his couch in the living room, occupying each end of it, legs awkwardly yet comfortably tangled with each other. Chanyeol has been reading out the pages of his unfinished novel for him while he rested his eyes.

In exchange, Chanyeol is also looking back at him, and both of them just stare at each other for a moment until Baekhyun bursts into laughter and Chanyeol does just the same after.

Chanyeol then picks the novel up again. “Let's go far, far away, to the end of the horizon, for the freedom we have longed for since forever. Let’s go there and stay, in a place where even the ever so ruthless tomorrow can't and won’t find us. Let's go there and happily meet; I’ll greet you with the tightest embrace, I’ll gift you with my most joyful tears, and I’ll give you all of me.

But no need to go in a rush. You don't need to find me right away. Because I will wait for you, no matter how long it would take me, and I will recognize you, no matter how long it would take you.”

Ending his read with a content sigh, Chanyeol closes the book with a thud. “This was fun.”

“Hm.” Baekhyun hums absentmindedly, his attention only focused on Chanyeol’s noticeably huge earlobes.

“Have you read the one I gave you?”

“Hmm. Hm? Oh, I haven’t.” Baekhyun smiles sheepishly when Chanyeol gives him a pout. “I will, I will.”

Chanyeol chuckles warmly. “No need to rush.”

Baekhyun takes a moment to just bask in Chanyeol’s presence. To take notes of the way Chanyeol is looking back at him, the way he somehow fitted his large figure onto the couch, the way their legs are tangled, and just the way they’re there together in his living room. Again and again, Chanyeol is carving his existence onto Baekhyun’s heart, slowly yet surely. When did Chanyeol start sauntering his way to him? It feels like it was eons ago when Baekhyun was making up theories about Chanyeol being a serial killer.

“I’m waiting for someone.”

The statement disperses his daydream. His eyes widen at the guy in front of him.

“You asked that, I forgot to answer.” Chanyeol gives him an apologetic smile. “I’m waiting to meet someone here before I leave.”

Baekhyun had expected himself to feel the kind of singe in his chest upon the matter, but all he feels now is just curiosity and sympathy. And a little bit of melancholy. Maybe it’s his way to thank Chanyeol for embracing him back there. “The one who made you learn surfing?”

His correct guess is rewarded with a nod.

“What happened?”

He watches as Chanyeol glances around the room, probably trying to find the proper words to lay out his answer with. “We just… had to go on very different paths for the meantime.”

Out of instinct, he detaches himself from the couch to be able to sit properly, leaning in so he could let Chanyeol know he has all of his focus. It’s the least he could do for the support Chanyeol has given him.

“We didn’t even want to. But you know, life just… happens to you, in the way you least expect. We had to be separated for a while. A very long while for me. We made so many plans together, but now we can’t realize all of them. All I can do is wait for _him_ here.”

“Is he your lover?”

Chanyeol hides a sad smile. “He’s my everything.”

‘ _Byun Baekhyun, my everything. Will you marry me?_ ’

“He wasn’t my first lover, but he was my first love. No matter how hard I tried to take my feelings and give it away to someone else, they’d always come back to him. It wasn’t easy to make him accept my feelings, really. He had his own struggles that made it hard for him to be available for a relationship. But he did his best to be with me, and I’d forever be thankful for that. Along the way, he might not have realized this, but he became my best friend, my muse, my home. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have known what loving and being loved feel.”

Somehow, Baekhyun can’t hide the smile spreading across his lips. “Sounds like a wonderful person.”

“He was.” Chanyeol closes his eyes. “I wish he knew he was. Most of the time, he thought too low of himself that he ended up not being able to let himself be happy.”

‘ _Why won’t you let me make you happy? Why won’t you let yourself be happy?_ ’

“If you meet him again,” Baekhyun puts his hand on the top of Chanyeol’s knee right next to his, “what would you tell him?”

He tries to ignore it when he notices that Chanyeol has been using past tense for the said man.

Chanyeol reopens his eyes. “Well, first, I’ll apologize to him. Because the last time we were together, I let my disappointment take over me and ended up making him upset. I’ve said things I shouldn’t have, when I knew well that he didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“And then?”

“And then… well, the cliche ‘I love you’. Because as much as how cliche it is, it’s honestly the only original truth about what I feel for him. I love him. That’s just it.”

Baekhyun gives the knee under his hand a gentle squeeze as a form of comfort. “That’s beautiful, Chanyeol.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” he sighs. “I owe my man a huge apology as well. I suppose that’s the first thing I should do once I get back.”

“So we both have apologizing to our lovers in our agenda.” Chanyeol chuckles. “I guess we shouldn’t be here any longer if we don’t want to miss our chance, huh?”

Baekhyun welcomes the idea with a smile. Maybe, after all, he should put an end to his vacation soon. Maybe he just needed a push from an independent source. “So in the end, we both never had the chance for _this_.”

Chanyeol looks at him, a little bit confused, before realization fills his gaze. “What is ‘this’ anyway?” he murmurs, hand resting on top of Baekhyun’s.

“You do know we’re not supposed to be doing this, right?”

“Depends on how you look at it.” 

“How do _you_ look at it?”

He holds his breath when Chanyeol intertwines their fingers together. “I see you as someone I have to keep warm.”

“So I’m a newborn kitten.”

“Maybe you are.” Chanyeol snorts. “What about you?”

“I see you as someone I should cherish from far away.” Baekhyun tightens his hold. “And someone I should thank. You care for me a lot when you don’t have to.”

“People don’t have to care for newborn kittens yet they do anyway the moment they see one.”

“Perhaps a point was made.”

They share a laughter for a moment, and maybe they’re high on the intimacy they are engaged in. When the giddy feeling subsides down, Baekhyun takes another good look on Chanyeol’s face again. “I’ve got to admit that I’m… liking you very much. More than I’m supposed to.”

Chanyeol gives him a wide grin. “Thank goodness, because I’ll be sour for the rest of my life if you’re not.”

“But this isn’t what I’m supposed to do.” Baekhyun rests the side of his head against the backrest of the couch. “I’m supposed to be missing that person very much. And yet here I am, thinking about you all the time.”

Chanyeol mimics him, resting his head on the backrest as well, lessening the distance altogether. “As I said, it depends on how you look at it.” he says in a hushed voice. “Who knows, maybe he and I are the same person. Just divided into two people. That’s why your feelings go to both of us.”

‘ _I’d like to think that the one you left back in the city and the one you found in this village are the same person._ ’

“Then what am I?” Baekhyun whispers. “The same person with your lover?”

Chanyeol shrugs slightly. “Maybe I’ve always met the same person again and again. You could never know how this universe works.”

“How do you think it works?”

“Hmm, I think…” Chanyeol looks up at the ceiling before getting back to him, “I think the universe never separated two people who are destined to be together. They are always together, be it in different forms, different appearances, different names. The pair of souls would always stay together through it all.”

There’s a tingling feeling in his chest, tightening around his lungs, making it almost difficult for him to breathe. He still marvels at the way Chanyeol sees the world, the universe, their entire existence.

“And in the end, they would always find each other.” Chanyeol gifts him with a small yet meaningful smile. “That’s what I summarized for myself after reading the book I gave you.”

“Damn. I should read them as soon as possible.”

“Damn right you should.”

There are only a few inches between them. The few inches that seem so far away, that could be erased if only they are brave enough. But as what he had said himself, he would just admire Chanyeol from the distance, through the few inches between them. It also seems that Chanyeol respects his decision, because he could actually see the yearning in the guy’s eyes, yet there is no movement from either of them. This is supposed to be the perfect timing for them, but somehow it also feels wrong.

Thus, Baekhyun raises his free hand and stretches out his index and middle finger to put their tips against his lips, then reaches out towards Chanyeol and put the said tips on Chanyeol’s plump ones. This should suffice. At least he could let Chanyeol know about his complicated heart through this.

For now, this is the closest they could get to each other.

  
  


They’re back in the night market again, and to his surprise, everyone is there gathered around an ice cream booth - _everyone_ as in even Kyungsoo and Jongin are there. Baekhyun ignores the questioning gaze the boys give the both of them for a fleeting moment before they all welcome them; although he didn’t actually expect Sehun to look cool with it, almost as if he has accepted that something is indeed going on between them. Somehow it gives him a sense of relief.

“You’re quite late tonight.” Junmyeon gives Chanyeol a cup of vanilla ice cream.

“Was hanging out with Baekhyun.” Chanyeol accepts the cup delightedly. “Lost track on time.”

Baekhyun forces a smile when Yixing nods his way. He’s about to go and order his own ice cream when Jongdae comes in with two cups of strawberry flavored ones in his hands. “So it was the right decision I made to go out with Minseok today, huh.”

He takes the cup from Jongdae’s hand. “Shut up. You must’ve had a great time yourself.”

“Oh,” Jongdae giggles, “definitely.”

Instead of cringing at his best friend’s antics, Baekhyun finds himself laughing in genuine happiness for him. It’s about time that he sees his friend being in love.

Chanyeol excuses himself to go to the small makeshift stage where his guitar awaits; but not before he takes a long look at Baekhyun. Jongin whistles while Minseok humorously promises Chanyeol they would not steal Baekhyun away. With one last sheepish grin, Chanyeol makes his way to the stage.

When the guitar starts playing, Baekhyun’s attention is taken by how Kyungsoo instantly looks up at Jongin. “It’s _that_ song.” the guy says hushedly. _What song?_

“ _Wise men say only fool rush in,”_

 _… oh_.

Jongin replies with offering Kyungsoo a hand. “It’s _our_ song.”

And Baekhyun watches as Kyungsoo takes Jongin’s hand, letting himself be led to the spot right in front of the stage; they’re about to dance. 

“ _\- can’t help falling in love with you._ ”

Chanyeol’s low yet soft voice echoes as Jongin spins Kyungsoo around before catching him into his arms, and they move side by side to the rhythm while laughing at each other’s remarks. Baekhyun wonders what both of them are feeling at the moment. After so many things they went through, after the heartbreak, how could they still hold each other’s hands and look at each other’s eyes like it’s just another night of their life together?

“Don’t they look so good together?” it’s Sehun who’s now standing right next to him.

Baekhyun tries so hard not to snap at how nosy this guy has been. _Be nice. Be fucking nice._ “Yeah.” he murmurs.

“I was the best man at their wedding.”

“I know. Kyungsoo told me that.” Baekhyun forces out a smile. “You’re Jongin’s best friend, after all.”

Sehun nods, seemingly more to himself. “This song was played at their wedding. They danced to it. I was crying at the side.”

Now that he imagines it, Baekhyun holds back a chuckle.

“It felt like so long ago. Back then, it never crossed my mind that I would see them break apart. But it happened anyway, and it happened so fast.” he hears Sehun sighing loudly. “Life just… happens in the most unexpected way.”

Baekhyun nods, being able to relate to the sentence. “It must’ve been a hell for them, coming to the decision.”

Sehun doesn’t reply right away, and Baekhyun thinks the guy finally runs out of words. But then he hears it; “I was the one who suggested that they get a divorce.”

‘ _I was the one who assured Mom and Dad it would be a wise decision_.’

He turns to look at Sehun instantly, eyes wide in disbelief. “You?”

‘ _You? Of all people, it was you?_ ’

“Yeah.” it seems like Sehun hasn't noticed the change on his face yet. “I’ve witnessed them falling apart and desperately trying to keep everything intact. Jongin asked me what to do, and I always told him to hold on, they would get over it in time. But in the end, the break up was the wisest solution, although none of them wanted it. So I brought it up to them, and after a long process of thinking, they did it.”

‘ _They were hurting by themselves, Baekhyun. They weren’t happy. They tried so hard to be. I witnessed all of them, and I couldn’t watch anymore_.’

It’s blazing inside him. He doesn’t know where the sudden rage came from, and his head is too heated to think properly. However, something urges him to put all the fire down, making him tremble as the aftermath. “Why?”

Sehun looks at him, confused.

“Why did you think it was the wisest decision?”

This was what he didn’t do back then. And maybe this was what he should’ve done instead of running away.

Maybe he should’ve asked why, and should’ve tried to understand.

“Because I thought…” Sehun seems a little bit stunned with the look on his face, “I thought that if they were hurting while being next to each other, then they would heal once they separate. Because what’s the point of staying together when you can’t be happy with it? And I thought, if they really were meant to be together, then they would always find the way back to each other. No matter how long and far they’re apart, they would come back to each other in the end.”

He feels a sense of deja vu hearing the last sentence.

“Look at them now.” Sehun then gets back at Kyungsoo and Jongin, who are now walking side by side with huge smiles on their faces. “They’re not bound by any label of relationship, but they’re together, and that’s all that matters. They’re always there for each other no matter what happens.”

Baekhyun feels his eyes starting to burn when Kyungsoo laughs a little bit too loud at something Jongin just said.

“I know, what they went through wasn’t pretty, but at least now they feel free to do whatever they want. In that case, they want to stay in love together.”

Now Jongin is half running away from the jokingly furious Kyungsoo.

“I…” he croaks out, “I didn’t know it was possible.”

He feels a hand resting on his right shoulder; Sehun is looking at him, gaze tender and empathetic. “You went through alot yourself, didn’t you?”

Surprisingly, Baekhyun finds himself laughing at the words; usually he would hate the sentence, the way people think they know something about him. This time, all he feels is just pure empathy from Sehun’s side, which he finds quite amusing considering the history they share. “I guess.” he nods, eyes shifting towards Chanyeol who has just finished the song. “We’ve sorted it out, by the way.”

“You and Chanyeol? Sorted what out?”

“Our feelings.” Baekhyun grins when Chanyeol waves at him; he replies with a wave of hand as well. “In the end, we both have our own responsibilities out there; he’s waiting for someone, while someone is waiting for me back home.”

Sehun doesn’t react right away. “And?”

“And he… actually told me something similar to what you just said.” Baekhyun chuckles to himself. “He said, there’s a possibility the universe never separates two souls that are destined to be together. They could exist side by side in any form, in any appearance or names. So if I find myself feeling something so strong for him, then there’s a chance he and the one waiting for me back in the city are the same person after all.”

He turns to his side to see Sehun’s face. He finds the guy smiling warmly at him, and he wonders why he ever finds him annoying. “That’s the best theory I’ve ever heard. I approve.”

“ _You_ approve?”

Sehun replies with a giggling fit.

===

Buildings. Tall buildings everywhere.

The car is moving at a reasonable speed. Everything is quiet. Not even the car’s engine can be heard. It’s raining outside, yet there’s no sound of pitter-patter on the roof of the car. The streets look questionably empty.

“I love you, Baek.”

Such a familiar voice, saying such sweet words.

But it sounded so, so sad.

"Why won't you let me love you?"

‘ _His vital signs are showing he’s going on steadily, Mr. Byun._ ’

And then there is another voice, sounding like a man. As far as he knows, there are only two people in the car, so whose voice is that?

“Why won’t you let me make you happy? Why won’t you let yourself be happy?"

‘ _It’s going to be his birthday soon, Doc. He’s turning thirty. My son._ ’

Another voice, which belongs to a woman. Sounding so familiar.

“You’re Byun Baekhyun. You’re capable of loving and being loved, and I’m going to make sure you know that.”

Baekhyun finally pries his gaze off of the window and slowly turns his head to his left, to find the source of the voice. There’s a man sitting on the passenger seat, looking back at him with sorrow dripping from his eyes. The man looks familiar, too familiar that he recognizes him right away.

It’s Chanyeol.

His mouth is already open to say something, but suddenly another voice comes in, a voice that belongs to neither of them, sounding as clear as the day;

“What if he never wakes up?”

He whips his eyes towards the streets. When his eyes get caught on the road, something is already there in front of them, inching nearer and nearer.

The turbulence shakes them hard, the crashing sound deafens them severely, and then it’s suddenly dark.

* * *


	7. The Watershed

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine…?”

“Seriously, how are you feeling?”

“Jongdae, I’m fine! Look.” Baekhyun throws his hands up and wiggles his arms. “I’m a worm.”

“Byun Baekhyun I’m being fucking serious.”

“I’m being serious too! Sheesh. I’m fine, really. Please don’t worry anymore. You’ve seen me waking up from nightmares a hundred times already, why did you only get scared today?”

“Because you never woke up screaming loudly like that.” Jongdae leans back against the chair. They’re seated at the dining table, facing their respective sandwiches. “I really thought someone was trying to kill you.”

Baekhyun snorts. “I wish.”

“Dude! Not funny!”

“Sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. Please don’t worry anymore.”

Jongdae huffs, staring at him for a moment before he stands up abruptly, pushing the chair back with a loud screech on the wooden floor. “You’re sleeping with me tonight.”

“... shit Jongdae that sounded so hot. Going somewhere, sexy?”

“Getting some cold milk.” Jongdae rolls his eyes before making his way around the table. “Seriously, I’ve got to keep my eyes on you closer now.”

Baekhyun laughs amusedly. “As if you could actually chase my nightmares away. What, are you a dreamcatcher or something? With the jingly bells and feathers?” he shouts over his shoulder. He gets a grunt from Jongdae as a reply.

When he's sure that he's not in Jongdae's line of sight, he drops the smirk on his face and looks down over his breakfast. He sucks in a huge intake of air, trying to keep his breathing steady. The nauseous feeling he got from abruptly waking up from a horrible nightmare is still there. When he notices his hands are trembling again, he pulls them in and places them on his lap, balling his fists to calm them down.

He can recall the scenes vividly. He can't remember the voices, but he can still see the scene where his car crashes into something, being crushed in the process.

And there was Chanyeol.

Why was Chanyeol in his nightmare? Was it also Chanyeol in the one he had the other day?

Why was Chanyeol there?

Shaking his head as if it could clear his mind, he looks up again and notices something next to Jongdae's plate; it's his friend's phone. He picks the device up out of impulse and inspects it on his hand. But when he tries to turn it on, it doesn’t light up. _Out of battery?_ He keeps pushing the power button, but still to no avail.

Hearing Jongdae’s footsteps nearing, he immediately puts the phone back to where it was left on earlier. He waits until his best friend is seated in front of him again. “Hey, any news from home?”

“Baekbeom asked when will you be back. Your mom wondered if you’re doing okay. A senior from work called in, I answered it for you and told him you’d call him back as soon as possible.” Jongdae takes a sip of his cold milk in between. “Nothing from your fiance.”

Baekhyun remembers being angered when he found out his fiance hadn't looked for him before this. But now, he just results in a lopsided smile. “He’s really giving me some time, isn’t he.”

He feels Jongdae’s gaze on him. “You’re not salty he didn’t contact you?”

“As you said, I was the one who asked for some time to think, and he’s just giving me what I want. Not his fault.”

“Wow. Byun Baekhyun and positive thoughts. What a bizarre pair.”

  
  


Baekhyun meets Chanyeol again in the afternoon. This time, instead of a smile and cautious gestures, Chanyeol immediately engulfs him in a half hug with his free arm, the other one being occupied with his surfboard. And this time, instead of being hesitant around the guy, Baekhyun just giggles into the hug and pats Chanyeol’s back as a sign that the gesture is very welcomed. Things are much easier when they’ve established their stance; they’d adore each other as much as they could for the last of their days here.

“Did you miss me?” Chanyeol asks in a hushed voice despite having no one around.

 _Uh, yes? Hello? Yes?!_ Baekhyun snorts as he just ruffles Chanyeol’s black locks; Chanyeol willingly bows down so he doesn’t have to tiptoe to do it. _Silly boy. You adorable silly boy. Silly._

He’s now sitting at the sand, right where the water reaches, tickling his legs every now and then. Chanyeol has fallen off his surfboard for the fourth time, and Baekhyun still puts his energy to boo at the repeated failure, only giving Chanyeol the willpower to try again.

“At this point, your body is already eighty percent saltwater.” Baekhyun shouts as Chanyeol stretches out his sore limbs for some relief.

Chanyeol looks over his shoulder. “And you’re one hundred percent pure salt.”

“I am indeed!”

The sun gets lower and lower each second that passes them by. An hour later, they end up playing in the waters instead, the surfboard resting idly on the sand. Chanyeol splashes the water aggressively towards the screaming Baekhyun and Baekhyun returns the favor by tackling Chanyeol down so he could drown the guy halfway. “Take that you mean coconut tree!”

Chanyeol can’t even retaliate because; “how could you be so strong, Byun Baekhyun?!”

And Baekhyun is too busy laughing at Chanyeol flailing his arms around that he fails to notice the sudden suspiciousness in his head upon finding something weird; he doesn’t remember ever giving Chanyeol his last name, or maybe just he can’t remember ever doing so.

When it’s almost dark, they walk side by side towards his house, where Jongdae is lounging on the porch, sitting on one of the wooden chairs. The previously napping guy is woken up by the creaking sound of the wood caused by their footsteps. “Oh, hi guys. Come on in.” he greets with a hoarse voice. “Get the carpet wet and I’ll mutilate you two.”

“So _he_ is the axe murderer.” Chanyeol whispers to him, feigning shock and horror on his youthful face.

Baekhyun titters at it for a good moment before turning to his still disoriented best friend. “Can he use your bathroom?”

“Yeah. Just don’t have sex in it. Please.”

He decides to take his soaked wet t-shirt off and places it on Jongdae’s lap as revenge. Both of them run inside immediately the moment Jongdae shouts his name out in horror.

  
  


The chilly breezy night air calls for a huge bowl of _ramyun_. Baekhyun has successfully convinced Chanyeol to stay for dinner, lending him his oversized hoodie as a bribe; it magically suits the surfer’s figure so well. Jongdae sponsored for the khaki short Chanyeol is now wearing, not forgetting to comment on how small Chanyeol’s waist is.

The three of them are seated around the square shaped dining table, a steaming huge pot of _ramyun_ being the star of the show in the middle. Baekhyun tells them to dig in, and Jongdae is the first one to raise his chopsticks and lift up a good portion of noodles with them, making the broth splatter slightly on the table cloth. “You’re doing the laundry tomorrow!” Baekhyun chides.

“As if you’ve done it before.” Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“Touche.” he nods while scooping broth into his bowl.

He notices Chanyeol having a good laugh because of their banter, and can’t help but smile because of it. It’s a little bit surreal for him, the sight of Chanyeol and Jongdae talking animatedly to each other while the three of them are having their meals. It was only days ago when Jongdae warned him about taking things too far with Chanyeol, but now they’re sitting at the same table, doing the most basic thing. Something about it feels so special and enchanting, making him giddy inside.

Sometimes, happiness comes from the smallest thing, and he’s experiencing it right now.

“And he was like, ‘Jongdae, you’ve got to pretend you’re my boyfriend! Please!’ And I agreed? I mean, I can’t believe I’ve been such a loyal man to this prick for more than a decade.”

When he sees Chanyeol almost choking on his food, he finally grasps what’s going on. “You guys were talking about me, weren’t you?”

“Technically talking about that one time you wanted to go into a bar but didn’t want some random hands on you so you made me your boyfriend for the night.”

“Oh, that one. Chanyeol, you’ve got to see him being an overprotective ass. It was hot as hell.”

“I can imagine.”

The evening gradually stretches out to a good night. Chanyeol offers to do the dishes while he himself helps Jongdae to prepare some snacks. He’s in the middle of cutting the apples when he gets more interested in watching Chanyeol from the back. The guy is humming to a song he can’t recognize while scrubbing the remnants of broth from their bowls, and Baekhyun finds himself basking in the sight. Something warm bursts in his chest; somehow it feels rather familiar to see Chanyeol like this. It’s either familiar or just hits too close to home.

They gather in the living room, limbs stretched on the cushioned furniture; they both give Chanyeol the long couch while they both have the armchair and loveseat due to the seemingly endless length of Chanyeol’s legs. Jongdae is now talking about his music preferences, and Chanyeol is so engaged in it while Baekhyun himself inserts his honest comments about anything and everything. Things really do fall into their right places at this moment, and Baekhyun wonders, in the back of his mind, how did they get to do this as if they’ve done it a thousand times before. It’s like they’ve known Chanyeol for the longest time, and this is just one of those nights where the three of them cramp against each other in someone’s living room.

Maybe he just longs for this kind of moment too much. Just him, and the people he adores, talking about the smallest thing and having a good laugh from it.

When it’s already late, Jongdae offers Chanyeol to stay the night, much to his surprise.

“What if someone kidnaps you, dude?” Jongdae frowns.

“Jongdae, this is a small village. People won’t dare to do funny things like that here.” Chanyeol chuckles. “But thank you so much for worrying about me.”

Jongdae huffs. “Our couch is more than available for you, really.”

“ _My_ couch.” Baekhyun whispers from the side.

“Next time.” Chanyeol pats Jongdae’s shoulder. “So. Good night, I guess?”

“Yeah yeah. I’ll let you two smooch each other good night.”

Baekhyun doesn’t miss his chance to kick Jongdae at the butt as the said best friend makes his way into the house again. Chanyeol doubles in laughter, and he joins eventually. Once their laughs subside down, Baekhyun raises a hand and gives Chanyeol a small wave. “See you tomorrow.” he says hushedly.

Chanyeol replies with the same gesture. “Definitely see you tomorrow.”

Wordlessly, Baekhyun reaches out for the hand and wraps it with his own. Chanyeol takes a look at it for a moment, then pulls their hands closer to him until Baekhyun’s knuckles touch his cheek. The sight is causing him suffocation, but one that he doesn’t mind; he’s suffocating with the warm, fuzzy feelings inside him.

“I’ve never seen you laugh that much until tonight.” Chanyeol then says, almost in a murmur. “I wish to see you do it more often from now on.”

He snorts at the comment. “I can’t promise you.”

“You can try. I will help.”

“Then I can half promise you.”

“Is that even a thing?” Chanyeol chuckles warmly, making him mimic it. “Good night, Baekhyun.”

He takes a step forward and tiptoes, successfully landing a peck on Chanyeol’s other cheek.

“Good night, Chanyeol.”

  
  


Baekhyun stares at the piece of paper in his hands.

It’s the letter from the other day, its content now in his hold. The letter from his fiance - ‘ _to B, from Y_ ’. All that he has to do is unfold the paper. _What’s so hard about it, doofus?_

Slowly, he does so.

There’s his fiance’s handwritten words, but while he had expected a long message, what he finds is what seems to be a poem consisting of a few short lines. He reads them again and again, trying to understand what his fiance is trying to tell him with this, but before he could understand, maybe he should stop his tears first.

_I’ll search the universe_

_Until I find you once again_

_I won’t let go, even our smallest memories_

_Because our moments,_

_Which have been engraved in the seasons_

_They might come and go, again and again_

_But I’ll still call out for you_

===

Seoul’s morning sky was bright that day.

The sight that greeted him the moment he opened his eyes only assured him he had chosen the right apartment unit. Even such trivial things like the view outside could be a healer in his tiresome days, which made him extra careful while picking out his property. He turned out to have taken the right choice indeed.

He felt warmth creeping up on the skin of his back, slowly circling around his torso. He smiled the moment he realized what was going on; the love of his life had woken up as well.

“Baek?” the hoarse, low voice seeped into his ears like warm chocolate. “You awake?”

Feeling mischievous, Baekhyun didn’t answer at all.

“Sleepy head.” he then felt a tuft of hair on the bare skin of his shoulder, which then soon was peppered with warm pecks all over. The hand on his abdomen pulled him closer, flush against the other’s bare chest. “I love you, sleepy head.”

The warmth then flooded into his soul.

“Love you.” his fiance whispered, sounding absentminded yet still equally genuine. “Love you. Love you. Love you.”

Not being able to hold his emotions in anymore, Baekhyun turned around on his spot in his fiance’s embrace and circled his arms around the man’s torso, burying his face against the man’s chest while at it. He exhaled, hot against the bare skin, feeling so content he could swear he’d be fine staying like this forever.

“You’ve been awake? Sneaky.” somehow he could actually ‘hear’ his fiance pouting.

He then traced lines on his fiance’s back with his index finger; he wrote something. Which then encouraged his fiance to reward him with a warm smooch on the crown of his head.

‘ _I love you too._ ’

===

If time was being purposely slow while he waited for something he wasn’t even sure of, now time is running along with him, and his happiness seems to be helping the time to be faster than him.

He had expected Chanyeol to fill his afternoons, but it turns out that Chanyeol sometimes fills his mornings and nights as well. Chanyeol tags along with him to the market, surprisingly being helpful with picking out the fresh crops. Chanyeol also starts skipping his guitar sessions at the night market to be with him when Baekhyun feels like being somewhere else. Jongdae also finally got to make him sleep over on the couch when they drink too much _soju_ after dinner - Minseok is also in the squad, and he occupies the fluffy carpet.

Baekhyun never thought he would have Chanyeol in his days in such a domestic setting like this. He used to think of Chanyeol as an anomaly in his vacation, which he would probably bring home with him in the form of beautiful ghosts. But right now at the moment, Chanyeol is sitting on the carpet next to him right in front of his bed, reading the novel he still hasn’t finished, while he himself is reading the novel Chanyeol gave him. Jongdae is downstairs talking with Minseok, his laugh lighting up the atmosphere inside the house. It’s a good night, he’s in a good mood, and he’s taking a good look at Chanyeol who’s still sitting across him.

“Just wait, my love, for the moment when we finally meet.

If we can stand in front of each other, my hands in your hands, and we stand outside the borders of time, without stepping on the past and grazing against the future,

I will dance with you, my love, till I run out of breath.”

“That’s quite extreme.” Baekhyun snorts.

Chanyeol peeks behind the book. “But the feelings are very well accepted.”

_Oh, you, adorable tree._

  
  


Every now and then, he would meet the others as well. He’s a regular at Kyungsoo’s diner now, and Jongin never fails to serve them bonus dishes every time. The more he sees the dynamic between the former couple, the more assured he gets about what Jongin had explained to him; they’re loving each other in their own ways. Slowly but surely, he could say that he understands now.

Junmyeon and Yixing are starting to get busy with the preparations of their wedding day. Baekhyun can still see the dim light in Yixing’s eyes, and he tries to ask Yixing what he could help him with one day. He’s rewarded with a heartfelt “thank you” and a smile. Then, to his surprise, Yixing asks him; “can I have your opinion about something instead?”

Yixing proceeds to tell him about his plan to come clean with Junmyeon about what he actually feels inside. Being optimistic for what seems to be the first time in his life, Baekhyun puts a hand on Yixing’ shoulder. “Do it.” he says firmly.

“I’m afraid to see his reaction.”

“He loves you.” the words taste weird on his tongue, but Baekhyun feels all the urge to say them. “He’d understand, definitely. He’d either give you some time to think, or assure you that everything’s going to be fine.”

“Is everything going to be fine?” Yixing’s still blue, but there’s a flicker of light in his eyes.

Baekhyun shrugs slightly. “If he trusts you, and you trust him too, then I’m sure everything will be just fine.”

He then realizes he’s gained another friend the moment Yixing pulls him into his embrace.

Sehun is the one who ends up being very different than how he was before. Long gone was the cold expression on his face and his warnings; now Sehun is just a mischievous boy who cracks jokes about everything possible and takes care of everybody. Baekhyun feels delighted that Sehun takes special care of Chanyeol, although he still doesn’t understand why he does so. After all, Sehun is the closest to Chanyeol among all of them, which means there must be a history he hasn’t known yet about them. He feels thankful for Sehun's presence nonetheless.

Days and days later, he realizes how comfortable he has become in this village. Could it be that everyone’s words are true? There’s just something about this place that pulls him deeper to the point where he doesn’t think of going back.

  
  


But eventually, he’s reminded of having to go back soon.

“It was your brother.” Jongdae walks back into the house, putting his phone on the coffee table along the way. “It’s going to be your birthday soon and he hopes you’d be back by then to celebrate with your whole family.”

Baekhyun nods, more to himself. “Oh. What did you tell him?”

“The same thing I told your boss. You’d be back soon. Didn’t specify when.”

“Great. Thank you so much, dude.”

Jongdae salutes him. “Always got your back.”

He waits until Jongdae disappears in the kitchen to reach for the phone and presses the power button. It’s still dead. It was dead, too, before Jongdae grabbed it with him and slid it into the pocket of his jeans. Moments later, suddenly he walked out of the house, seemingly to take a call.

Swallowing the weird feeling bubbling inside him, he puts the device back on the coffee table. There’s a huge chance that he’s overthinking things.

  
  


One morning, when Chanyeol appears at his porch with boxes of fishcake, he finally lets the guy know what he has been keeping inside.

“I’ve been having nightmares. And you started to be in them.”

He explains to Chanyeol the sequence of his nightmare featuring him. He tells him how they were in a car, he was driving for a while, then he glanced to his right and found Chanyeol staring back at him, then they crashed against something.

“I don’t know why you kept showing up in them. I mean, I would be totally fine with it if it was a nice dream, but a nightmare?”

What he doesn’t realize is how his hands are trembling at the moment. He finally notices it when Chanyeol holds them gently, using them to pull him into his arms. He’s surrounded by Chanyeol’s arms, and he immediately feels a lot safer in them. “It’s alright now. You’re okay. We’re both okay.”

He nods against Chanyeol’s chest. Lord, he believes Chanyeol’s words desperately. He really wants to be okay.

And he didn’t expect it, honestly, but somehow he’s gifted with a kiss on the apple of his left cheek afterwards, and it’s hard not to feel triumphant because of it.

  
  


“Are you really supposed to be here?”

Minseok pauses stirring his noodle to look up at him. “Am I not allowed to be here?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Baekhyun says half dejectedly, opting to go back to mixing his food. He wanted to point out that this is the nth time he sees the teacher _not_ being in the school at school hours. _Addicted to being a sports teacher my ass_. “Never mind. Forgot I said anything.”

“If that’s so, can I steal the question?” Minseok asks him, then turns to Chanyeol when he gives his permission. “Are you really supposed to be here?”

Chanyeol blinks in confusion. “Why?”

“It’s your kids day.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“At the hospice?” Jongdae adds in. “Hey, I’ve heard something creepy about that place. An uncle from the market told me.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. _Seriously?_

“What is it?”

“He said there’s a patient being locked up there. Is that true?”

“Or more correctly,” he cuts in, “there’s room number 164 in the hospice which is occupied by a patient who never got out of it due to their specific condition. Yixing told me. But he doesn’t believe it. Neither do I.”

“Well, how about you two?”

Baekhyun, too, ends up looking for the expression on Minseok and Chanyeol’s face. Minseok is already laughing, trying to express his disagreement with the ridiculous rumor. Soon Jongdae joins the laugh, and he decides to just go with the flow of the talk.

But he can’t ignore the way Chanyeol’s face paled for a moment.

“Iced lemon tea for my dudes.” Jongin comes in with a tray and four tall glasses. Jongdae whistles at the sight of his favorite summer drink.

“Thank you, our dude.”

He watches in silence as Jongin goes back to the cashier counter, seemingly to resume the talk he had with Kyungsoo. It’s a little bit off for him; the diner is not even crowded, but Jongin is here nonetheless. Wasn’t the guy supposed to help only when it’s starting to overwhelm the owner?

Feeling stuck, he settles with letting out a heavy sigh. He’s been overthinking things lately.

"Junmyeon said he and Sehun are going to make spaghetti for all of us tonight." Minseok announces out of the blue.

"Oh? Is that a kind of tradition for you guys?"

"Not really. Junmyeon just loves to gather his friends, and we just happened to comply easily if there will be good food."

"They make really good spaghetti." he feels Chanyeol gently nudging his elbow against his own. "You have to try."

Baekhyun chuckles at how youthful Chanyeol looks when he's being excited about something trivial like food. Then something comes across his mind. "What do they do for a living, actually?"

"I believe I've told you and Jongdae." Minseok raises an eyebrow. "Junmyeon owns the department store and night market, Sehun works for him."

"Right? I remember that very well. But it's just that…"

' _Don’t talk like that about my patient._ '

' _Uh, he’s my patient too, so._ '

Three pairs of eyes are now staring back at him expectantly.

"Nevermind." Baekhyun smiles sheepishly. He doesn't know how to put his thoughts about the matter into words.

_Stop overthinking. Stop. Overthinking._

===

Some days, if he tries hard enough, he can make the time run much slower for him. Maybe he has unknowingly sacrificed a part of his soul along the way, but at least it could make the time be kind enough to let him bask in the moment he cherishes a lot.

Being sprawled on the sand next to Chanyeol is one of those special moments. The sky has been exceptionally bright today, and both of them had taken the opportunity to absorb the sunlight properly. Now it’s afternoon, and they’re laying down on the sand, eyes closed, arms stretched outwards. Their hands grazed against each other between them the moment they laid down, and their fingers have been tickling against each other ever since.

“I want to stay like this forever.” he lets out in a low voice. It was just a string of empty words, voiced out without the intention to be taken seriously, but the feelings that had created them are honest nonetheless. He _wishes_ he could stay like this forever.

The movement of Chanyeol’s fingers against his own ceases eventually.

“But I can’t, huh?” he opens his eyes again; the sun is already low enough to not blind him. “In the end, I have to go back.”

The moment is filled with the sound of the waves crashing not too far from them. He knows it’s a small talk and nothing solid is coming out of this, but he can’t prevent himself from feeling anxious waiting for Chanyeol’s comment.

“Maybe you can’t stay,” Chanyeol’s voice is tender and warm, “but you can either go back home, or go somewhere else. Somewhere brand new, where you could be free.”

That sounds tempting to him. A place where he could be free? “Is there even such a place?”

“That’s where I’m going.”

He turns to his side to look at Chanyeol, who’s now staring up at the sky. At the moment, Chanyeol seems so far away from him. “Are you going there with the one you’re waiting for?”

“He’ll go there as well.” Chanyeol then shakes his head slightly. “But I don’t think we could go together.”

“Why?”

“It just… doesn’t work that way.”

Baekhyun lets his confusion wander around. He doesn’t want to put too much effort into thinking for the moment. “If I go there, will I get to meet you again?”

Chanyeol then turns to look at him. “I don’t think so.” he whispers. “But I’d really, really love it if I could see you again.”

Warmth washes over him upon hearing those words. It’s beautiful, how a fleeting wish could mean so much. There is no seeing Chanyeol again after they go their separate ways, but it won’t hurt to daydream anyway. “I hope I could see you again someday.”

His answer comes in the form of a firm hold of Chanyeol’s hand around his own. He watches as Chanyeol shifts his gaze towards the sky again. “I’ll search the universe, until I find you once again.”

He was about to comment at how cheesy the words had sounded, when a sense of deja vu floods into him.

“I won’t let go, even our smallest memories.”

Because our moments, which have been engraved in the seasons, they might come and go, again and again.

But I’ll still call out for you.”

Something about it is familiar. Too familiar.

“That’s from the book I gave you.” Chanyeol finishes his poem. “Have you gotten to that part yet?”

“I…” Baekhyun’s mind is still in clouds, “I guess. I remember them. Somehow.”

“Will you remember me, Baekhyun?”

The question makes his breath hitch. He feels Chanyeol’s hand squeezing his own gently.

“Do you want me to remember you?” he asks instead.

He sees Chanyeol closing his eyes. “If I’m a beautiful memory to you, then I wish you would remember me for a long time. But if you end up remembering the bad things as well when you remember me,” a sigh leaves Chanyeol’s mouth, “then I hope you could forget me.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun tugs at his hand, “you’re a beautiful memory to me.”

“Am I?”

He nods. “And I hope I’m a beautiful memory to you too.”

A smile blooms on Chanyeol’s lips. “I’ve told you,” he whispers, “I found beauty in you.”

“You found beauty in everything.”

“Not everything, but _lots_ of things, including you.”

“Remember me too.” Baekhyun returns the smile. “That’s all ask from you.”

Something in Chanyeol’s eyes tells him that he’s not the only one feeling so blue between them.

“I would always.”

  
  


“I thought he’s staying for dinner?”

“He said he needed to meet Sehun for something.” Baekhyun shrugs, dragging his feet across the wooden floor of the living room.

Jongdae doesn’t press more onto the matter; he walks up to him instead, handing him a piece of paper. “This almost flew out of your window. I assume you’ve read it?”

It’s the letter from his fiance, which he had spent a generous amount of tears for. “Yeah.” he takes it from Jongdae’s hand. “Thanks. Could’ve lost it.”

“So, I assume we’re going back home?” Jongdae’s tone is careful.

With a heavy sigh, Baekhyun nods. “I guess so.”

“When will we leave?”

“In a few days, maybe. But what about you? How about you and Minseok?”

To his surprise, Jongdae just gives him a bittersweet smile. “There was never anything between us.”

“But,” he frowns, “but both of you have been so…”

“I know. I like him. A lot. And I believe he likes me back just as much. We wouldn’t have gotten to second base if we didn't like each other that much.”

“And you really didn’t have to give me that much detail. Seriously, what’s the matter with you?”

“But,” Jongdae raises a finger, obviously to stop him from berating him more, “you know whatever happens here is just a summer daydream to us. In the end, there’s nothing I can do about me and him. Minseok knows that as well. That’s why we’ve been using our time here to just… enjoy each other’s presence.”

Baekhyun can relate to the idea very much. He, too, has been spending his days with Chanyeol so he could bring back a handful of memories with him. Still he finds it upsetting to see the heavy sadness in his best friend’s eyes. He doesn’t know what to say to ease Jongdae’s pain, but all he knows is that he could let his best friend know that he cares about it.

And so, he pulls Jongdae into his arms. His best friend immediately hugs him back, and somehow they end up twirling around, bumping into things while at it. He doesn’t know if they’re going to be okay once they get out of this place, but he knows for sure that even if they would be miserable, they’d do that together too.

===

It’s the next morning when he meets Yixing at the market and ends up dropping the news onto him.

“I see you’ve had some enlightenment.” the florist pats him in the back. “I’m sad that I’m short of guests now, but I’m also glad for you.”

“I can come here again for the wedding. It’s just a four hours ride after all.”

Yixing replies with a tight smile, and he can’t help but feel something is off about it. “I’ve talked to Junmyeon. As you said, he understands me without even doubting anything. I came to realize that if only I had talked to him about it sooner, I would’ve understood his thoughts as well. He said some things that assured me it’s going to be alright.”

“Ouch. How was it, though?”

“Full of ugly tears.” Yixing laughs. “I never knew Junmyeon could cry that much. But I cried a lot too, so it was even between us.”

“Now’s my turn to be glad for you.” Baekhyun offers a high five, which Yixing happily welcomes. “Makes me wish I did the same too.”

“The talking?”

“Yep.”

“Why didn’t you?”

His head wanders around to look for an excuse. But he finds none, so he settles for honesty. “I was never brave enough to do it.” he exhales. “Was always afraid he would finally see how difficult I am and end up leaving me.”

“So you left before you got left.”

Leaning back baffled, he looks up at the sky. “That’s… true, at some point.”

“You didn’t know what to do if the worst case was to happen.” Yixing’s voice is calm as always. “And you hated it. Not knowing.”

He nods. “I hate it. Not knowing.”

Because the last time he didn’t know what was going on, he found his parents breaking up.

“But honestly,” the pause urges him to look at Yixing, who’s now staring back at him, “what is it that you know for sure?”

Something suddenly feels eerie about the conversation.

“When you don’t even know yourself well, what is it that you really know for sure?”

  
  


The words haunt him all the way to his house. He puts down the plastic bags on the dining table, pulls out a chair, and sits there mute and blank. He can’t completely fathom, but there’s just something about Yixing’s words that bothers him.

‘ _What is it that you really know for sure?_ ’

“Oh, you’re back.” Jongdae appears from the door, hands and legs almost covered in sand. “Look what I found buried next to the porch.”

There’s a medium sized beer bottle in Jongdae’s hand. “Can we drink that?”

“Unfortunately, it’s empty.” Jongdae shakes the bottle. “At least empty of the drink. I think there’s something else inside. Why don’t you open it?”

“And get my face stung by an insect living in it? No thanks.”

Nonetheless, Jongdae throws the bottle at him, forcing him to catch it. “Just open it, dumbass.”

His best friend then walks out of the house again, leaving him alone with the suspicious looking bottle. He pops the cork open, only to find two pieces of paper rolled inside it. He flips the bottle upside down and the rolled papers fall onto his lap, the paper seemingly in good condition, which indicates that it hasn’t been that long since it was put inside.

Curious, he opens one of them. It’s a letter, the whole page being filled with words. He starts reading from the top, and he gasps when he sees a painfully familiar name in the sentence.

‘What I love about Byun Baekhyun.’

Why is there his name on a piece of paper he just found?

‘There are too many things I love about Baekhyun. Or maybe I just love Baekhyun, which means I love everything about him, which also means I can’t name them one by one because whatever it is that he does and has, I would love them nonetheless.’

The penmanship starts to look familiar as well.

‘But if I have to name one thing I love the most about him, I would say it’s the smile he would give me when he wakes up in the morning.’

He puts the things in his hand onto the dining table and runs upstairs to fetch the one thing that immediately came into his mind the moment the penmanship started to seem too familiar for his liking; the letter from his fiance. He zooms down again, back to the dining area, and puts the letters side by side.

They have the exact same penmanship.

It’s as if he could say that both letters are written by his fiance.

Something is wrong.

He then eyes the last letter on the table, still rolled up perfectly. Could it be written by his fiance as well? He grabs it and smoothens the surface.

What he finds is something far beyond his expectation.

‘What I love about Park Chanyeol.’

It’s a letter, a much shorter one, written with the penmanship that looks so much like his own.

Something is wrong.

In the middle of his trance, he shoves the letters into his pocket and walks out of the house. He finds Jongdae standing at the corner of the porch. “Jongdae, you’ve got to see this crazy shit. Something is off about this.” he shakes his head. “Something is fucking off about the entire village.”

Jongdae turns around, revealing him pressing his phone against his ear; he’s on a call. His best friend raises his eyebrows at him in curiosity before signaling him to wait.

Somehow, the gesture only encourages Baekhyun to do something he didn’t even think through before. He walks up to Jongdae and grabs the phone forcefully from his hand.

The phone isn’t even on.

He looks up at Jongdae, his frown deep and judging. “Baekhyun,” Jongdae calls for him cautiously. He can’t even come up with anything to say. _What the hell is going on?_

“Shit, Jongdae.” he grunts, and in the middle of his rage, he throws the phone away over the railings, the device landing on the sand with a soft thud. He then gets down from the porch circles around to grab his bike, and immediately makes his way towards the pavement, ignoring Jongdae’s calls for him.

Something is wrong.

Something is really, _really_ wrong.

  
  


The first place that came into his mind when he decided to find Chanyeol was the bookstore, but he doesn’t see the guy when he arrives there. Not in Kyungsoo’s diner as well. He goes to Minseok’s restaurant, and there’s no sign of the guy either. There’s no sign of him even in the hospice.

His last resort would be Chanyeol’s house, but he only finds Sehun walking out of the front yard.

“Hi there. It’s weird to see you around here. Wait,” Sehun frowns as he goes to him, “are you okay?”

“Is Chanyeol inside?” he asks, obviously out of breath after biking around the village. “I need to talk to him.”

“Uh, he’s not inside. Isn’t he at the shore?”

He shakes his head in distress. “He’s not in every place I’ve seen him in.”

Sehun bites his bottom lip, seemingly thinking hard. “What about the dock?” he then points at the direction behind him.

It strikes him like lightning. _The dock_. The place Chanyeol claimed to be the best spot to watch the sunrise. “Thanks.” he murmurs as he hops onto his bike again, immediately starting to pedal away.

True to Sehun’s suggestion, he finds Chanyeol standing there, leaning against the railings. He gets off his bike, letting it fall with a loud thud which makes Chanyeol turn around. He can’t even marvel at Chanyeol’s wide smile upon seeing him because in the matter of seconds, the bright face turns dim with worry.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol calls for him while closing their distance, walking up towards him. “Is something wrong?”

He stops on his track and fishes out the papers from his pocket, handing them to Chanyeol immediately. “Found something weird.” he manages to say, watching as Chanyeol looks down at the papers in confusion. “One of them is a letter from my fiance. The other two were found by Jongdae in a bottle buried next to my porch. Which I don’t recall ever doing.”

Chanyeol’s muteness only drives him more distressed.

“One of those bottle letters has your name and my writing. Which, again, I don’t recall ever doing. The other bottle letter looks like it’s written by my fiance because it has his writing. The creepy thing doesn’t end there, though. You see my fiance’s letter? The words must look familiar to you.”

‘ _That’s from the book I gave you. Have you gotten to that part yet?_ ’

“I remember those words not because I’ve reached that part of the book. It was because I read them in my fiance’s letter. What a sick coincidence, huh?”

When Chanyeol looks up at him with sorrow dripping from his eyes, that’s when it hits him.

“Who…” he whispers in horror, “who are you?”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol finally speaks, “let me explain to you properly.”

In the split of moment, his mind does the usual drill for whenever he’s too scared to find out about something; it tells him to run away. And he does just that, spinning around on his feet to start dashing away from Chanyeol. He’s not ready to hear whatever it might be. He can’t even afford to wonder about it. All he wants is to run away as far as possible from it.

He runs, and runs, until he reaches the intersection and stumbles on his own feet. He falls flat on the asphalt, scraping his knees and palms. Or so he thinks, until he takes a look at his hand, looking fine without any scratch. He gets up again, feeling no pain whatsoever on his legs despite having fallen severely. He frowns at the bizarreness of it all.

“Baekhyun!” he then hears Chanyeol’s voice. He resumes his running, crossing the intersection in a hurry.

“Baekhyun, watch out!”

When he looks to his left, there’s a car zooming in towards him. He could only close his eyes and helplessly wait for the impact.

But instead of pain or loud crash, all he gets is sudden darkness before his head gives up.

* * *


	8. The Happening

He opens his eyes to seven heads circling around him.

“He’s back, guys.” someone announces; it’s Sehun. Everyone’s attention is now on him, which makes Baekhyun sit up in confusion.

His eyes then wander around the room; it’s a minimally furnished small room, with a two-pane window that overlooks the garden outside. He’s in the hospice. “Why am I here?”

“You passed out in the middle of the street, dude.” Minseok shakes his head. “Very dangerous.”

“How are you feeling?” he then hears Kyungsoo’s voice right from his left.

 _Shitty._ Baekhyun tries to recall what actually happened to him. There was a car, it was going his way, and that was it. Did the car hit him? If so, then his condition is too good for someone who just got run over by a vehicle.

He then rests his gaze on Kyungsoo for a moment, letting the gears in his head grind against each other. Something then pops out, and before he could realize it, his lips are already moving. “Kyungsoo, how come I never saw anyone entering or leaving your diner, even when it’s rush hour?”

Kyungsoo leans back, a little bit stunned. “What are you…?”

“Jongin,” he shifts to the said guy standing next to Kyungsoo, “I never saw your shop being open. You once rushed to the diner after closing your shop because it was crowded, but even after that I always saw you helping Kyungsoo even in day time when there was almost no one there.”

Jongin glances at Kyungsoo in worry, then at him. “What do you mean?”

“Minseok, you always take Jongdae to dates and are always at the restaurant even when it’s school hours. Don’t you teach the kids?” he says at the silent Minseok, then shifts to Junmyeon and Sehun who are looking back at him in confusion. “You two. What do both of you do for a living exactly?”

“Was that supposed to be a question?” Junmyeon raises an eyebrow.

“I was told you own the biggest business in this place, but I’ve heard you two talking about patients. Yet I never saw you in the hospice.” Baekhyun shakes his head. He then turns to Yixing. “You’ve been the only one who doesn’t say the same shit everybody else here said to me; I’m never leaving this village. You kept encouraging me to go back home. What’s the problem?”

Yixing only glances at Junmyeon, who gives him a slight shake of his head which Baekhyun didn’t let go unnoticed. He gets to his best friend instead, who’s now staring at him in worry. “The phone was never on, wasn’t it? There was no charger even. You can’t possibly be getting news from Seoul that way.”

Jongdae leans in, frown still deep on his forehead. “What are you trying to say, Baekhyun?”

“That everybody has been bullshitting on me since the day I came here.” Baekhyun finally announces. “I was going to tell you that something was off, something was fucking off, but then I found that even _you_ have been fooling me. What’s going on, guys? Am I going to be murdered? What did I do wrong?”

“Dude, calm down. Do you even know how ridiculous you sound right now?”

“I might be crazy,” Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Minseok, “but I haven’t been the one lying or hiding something.”

“And what do you think we’re hiding from you?” Junmyeon ends his question with a sigh.

Baekhyun looks back at the guy, who’s now looking like he’s waiting for him to let out the question he has - or _they_ have - been expecting him to ask.

“Who’s the patient in room 164?”

None of the men around him seems baffled, when they had looked so confused because of him a moment before.

“That’s not ours to answer.” Junmyeon tells him.

“So there _is_ someone in that room.” Baekhyun shakes his head. “You told me not to believe in rumors.”

Instead of retaliating, Junmyeon just presses his lips into a thin line. “You’d know soon.”

“When? Right before I get killed?”

“When _he_ arrives.”

Baekhyun frowns, dread starting to rise inside him. “Who?”

“Haven’t you realized someone is missing?”

Somehow, the answer immediately pops into his head. It’s someone whom he saw moments before he lost consciousness. Someone he had ran away from. Someone who turned out to be holding the biggest mystery between the people around him.

And that someone finally appears, coming in from the door with a confused look on his face when he finds eight pairs of eyes locked on him. “You… are you alright?” the man asks him instead.

 _How about you?_ Baekhyun wants to ask in return, but he just can’t let it out.

“Chanyeol,” Junmyeon calls for the still anxious guy, “it’s time.”

Something changes on Chanyeol’s face; the confusion dissipates into thin air, immediately replaced by realization and horror that follows. “No.” he lets out in a whisper.

“Chanyeol.”

“No.” Chanyeol shakes his head. “Not yet.”

“You’re not the one to decide that.” he finds Junmyeon pointing at him. “It’s _his_ call.”

Baekhyun leans back, baffled. “ _Me_?”

“Yes.”

“At least let him rest first, can’t you guys see he’s -”

“You know that doesn’t matter.” Minseok chides in. “Our part is done. It’s your turn now. Both of you.”

 _The fuck are you talking about?_ Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol again. “What… what are you…”

Instead of an answer, Chanyeol gives him a long sigh, wariness heavy on his face. Slowly, the tall guy walks towards him then offers him a hand. “Let me show you something.”

Baekhyun’s gaze falls on the hand hanging in the air in front of him. “What?” he murmurs. Chanyeol only gestures at him to take the hand, to which he finally complies. He lets Chanyeol help him to get off of the bed and lead him out of the room.

“Chanyeol,” he whispers as they walk along the hall, the lights getting dimmer as they pass by, “what are you going to show me?”

Chanyeol takes a few seconds before answering. “The patient in room 164.”

He halts his step, tugging at Chanyeol in the process. “What does it have to do with you?”

The answer he gets is in the form of a gentle squeeze around his hand. Then they resume walking towards the end of the hall.

Once they arrive, they face the door with the numbers ‘164’ on it. Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol wraps his free hand around the knob and stays frozen like that. Chanyeol is hesitating, which only makes him dread everything about this even more. “What’s going on?” he braves himself to ask.

Chanyeol looks up at him, grief vivid in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything in the end. Said eyes turn to the door again, while the knob gets twisted and the door finally opens.

The room inside isn’t lit by lamps; the sunlight shines through the window, giving the place a natural lighting. The inside doesn’t differ much from the room he woke up in.

The bed, however, is empty.

“Where…?” his words hang on the tip of his lips. Baekhyun gasps softly when Chanyeol lets his hand go. His gaze follows every move of Chanyeol, who’s now walking towards the bed with heavy steps. Something inside him turns the moment he sees the guy taking a seat on the bed, ever so naturally, as if he had done it for so many times. Then Chanyeol’s hand reaches for something on the top of the short shelf next to the bed; it’s a white bracelet which looks so familiar, something like he used to see in hospitals.

Then Chanyeol wears the bracelet.

He can’t even react to what he just saw.

All he sees is Chanyeol, who’s now looking up at him. “It’s me.” the guy says in a hushed voice. “I’m the patient in this room.”

Baekhyun still can’t form a response to it.

“But relax, I’m not locked up like they said. You know that too. I’ve been around you anyway.”

_That’s not the problem we should worry about right now, you -_

“What,” Baekhyun finally found his words, “what happened… what happened to you?”

Before Chanyeol could answer, a familiar voice appears behind him. “Severe concussion and multiple fractures.” he then feels a presence on his right. “You see, it was a fatal car crash. One that no one could’ve survived from. But I did our best. Me and my team did our best. His condition was just… beyond fixable.”

Baekhyun whips his head at Yixing. “What… what are you talking about?”

“I remember how bad he looked.” Junmyeon is now on his left. “I caught a glimpse of him on my way to the OR, but even then I could tell he wouldn’t make it. I felt bad for Yixing who had to tend to him.”

“I know, right? It was a given that the patient wouldn't hold on yet I still got scolded anyway.”

“You guys should’ve seen him when we found him at the crash site.” it’s Jongin. “It was horrible. I’ve never seen a car wrecked like that. Kyungsoo almost swore to never drive again.”

“What makes me shiver even until now is how he was still conscious when we found him.” Kyungsoo added. “He begged us to save the driver first.”

“The driver was his lover. They were supposed to get married at Christmas.”

“That’s… tragic.”

“He was still looking for his lover when he arrived at the ER. I felt so sorry hearing him.” it’s Minseok’s voice behind him.

“Whoa. I’m already shivering like this just by listening to the story. Can’t imagine what I would be if it was me who took him in at the ER. Thank God I wasn’t on duty that day.”

He turns around and sees Sehun, who had added the last comment. “What,” Baekhyun finally lets out, “what on Earth are you talking about?”

Junmyeon shrugs at him. “You asked what happened to Chanyeol.”

“Baekhyun,” he turns around immediately when he hears his name being called by Chanyeol, “I’ll explain to you my way.”

“As if it’s better than ours.”

“Chanyeol,” he whispers, “what happened to you?”

The room is silent for a moment.

It’s Junmyeon who takes the liberty to answer him. “Baekhyun, shortly to say,

Chanyeol died.”

‘ _It’s not your fault._ ’

‘ _We won’t be mad at you, so just… come back._ ’

‘ _You don’t have to follow him as well._ ’

“Park Chanyeol died on June 14th, 2019, at 06.14 PM. A few hours after he was admitted to the hospital. He suffered severe concussion, internal bleeding, and multiple fractures that damaged his vital organs. All from a car crash.”

Baekhyun loses his strength to keep his body standing; he falls on the floor with a thud.

“It was raining. Pretty hard.”

Chanyeol gets off the bed and down on the floor to hold him.

“That’s it.” Yixing concludes. “That’s what happened to him.”

“Baekhyun?” he feels Chanyeol’s hand cupping his chin. “Can you hear me? Baekhyun. Look at me.”

“What is he saying?” he asks instead. “What kind of bullshit has he been telling me?”

Horror only fills his entire chest when Chanyeol looks down in defeat.

“He died, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon comments.

“If he _died_ ,” he looks up to find Junmyeon, “then why the hell is he here?”

Junmyeon keeps his straight face intact. “He’s here because he died.”

“Just what the fuck are you trying to tell me?!”

“Baekhyun, it isn’t even your place to ask that question. It’s _you_ who has been keeping him here.”

He regains his strength and gets up on his own. “I _what_?”

“You couldn’t deal with his death.” Kyungsoo finally speaks. “Thus you created a place where you could keep him with you.”

_I created what?_

“It’s amazing how your imagination could create an entire village with distinctive people at the background to fill in aside from us eight. You really should’ve been a novelist or a film maker instead of an accountant.”

“You even created the places you found interesting on your vacation at Gamcheon-dong. You put them together and created a whole new village called Hannam, a name which you took from Hannam-dong, the area you lived in.”

“Please wait…” he lets out in a broken voice, “wait… I can’t… I don’t understand.”

It’s Chanyeol who takes a hold of his hand. “Baekhyun,” the guy calls gently, “this is your imagination. Everything around you at this moment, it’s all created in your head. We all are in your head.”

Now that Chanyeol is the one who breaks it to him, he slowly starts to try making sense out of what he has been listening to.

_My imagination?_

So everything that was odd about this place, everything he found suspicious, was there because it’s all in his imagination?

“How…” he mumbles, “how can I possibly believe you?”

Junmyeon steps forward, closer to him. “Haven’t you noticed there’s no clock or calendar anywhere in the village? Or how no one ever asked about the time, even you yourself. That’s because you don’t want time to pass here. You kept us living the same day over and over again. Your only variety is the rain that falls whenever you’re upset. Chanyeol doesn’t go out on rainy days because, well, guess how it was when he died.”

‘ _If tomorrow is sunny, I’ll be there._ ’

“But if this is my imagination… which I created because I couldn’t deal with Chanyeol’s death,” Baekhyun takes a look at each of the people in front of him, “then why? Why did I do that? What did I have to do with Chanyeol before this?”

Junmyeon frowns at him. “You haven’t put the pieces together?”

“Baekhyun,” Yixing adds in, “Chanyeol was your fiance. Until the last moment of his life.”

‘ _Has_ he _called?_ ’

‘ _Byun Baekhyun, you have a fiance_.’

‘ _Don’t I deserve your trust, Baek?_ ’

“Baek?”

Chanyeol’s voice pulls him out of his trance.

“Your fiance died, and you couldn’t accept it. You created this place to keep him around, which you shouldn’t have done in the first place. You have to let him go soon.”

‘ _You don’t hear it from me, but he’s leaving soon._ ’

‘ _Somewhere brand new, where you could be free. That’s where I’m going._ ’

He feels a gentle squeeze around his hand in Chanyeol’s hold.

“You chose to be strangers with him here, but you put hints of your actual life with him here and there. The bikes you both rode, how Chanyeol is always trying to surf, the letters in the bottle Jongdae found in the sand near your house, Kyungsoo’s diner, and of course, your beach house.”

“Then who are you guys?”

They all glance at each other.

“Chanyeol is my fiance. Jongdae is my best friend. Then who are the rest of you?”

“You’ve met us. Although not altogether. You’ve heard our explanation about what happened to Chanyeol.” Junmyeon takes a hold of Yixing’s hand. “But in order to remember who we really are, you have to remember why we’re here in the first place.”

Baekhyun can only stare back at Junmyeon.

“And in order to remember why we’re here, there’s something else you need to see.”

Chanyeol tugs at his hand gently, urging him to walk with him. There’s another door at the other side of the room that looks noticeably out of place now that Baekhyun finally sees it. Chanyeol opens the door for him, then halts his step to look back right into his eyes. It’s as if Chanyeol is trying to tell him something, maybe to tell him to prepare himself for what he’s about to see.

It’s another hospice room. Or technically, as Baekhyun finally realizes, a hospital room. It’s in all white, with a couple of machines guarding each side of the bed, where someone is resting under the thin blanket. A few tubes are almost jumbled over the patient’s chest, but what steals Baekhyun’s attention is how the upper part of the patient’s head is fully wrapped in bandages. There are also patches of bandaid on the face, which is half covered with a mask ventilator. The beeping sound from the electrocardiographic heart monitor ticks something in his head.

“What am I supposed to…”

“Get closer. Look who it is.”

He takes cautious steps towards the bed with Chanyeol tailing behind him, still not letting go of him. When his sight is focused, he finally notices the painfully familiar facial features he could still point out despite the things that are covering the face. He notices that nose the most. The shape of that chin. The mole on the right cheek. He has seen them way too often, he once grew tired of it.

When he reaches his own conclusion, he loses his balance.

“Do you remember now?”

Chanyeol catches him from behind, securing him in his arms.

“Byun Baekhyun, 28 years old, male. Admission date, June 14th, 2019. Severe concussion, multiple fractures, several minor injuries.

All from a car crash.”

  
  


“Don’t I deserve your trust, Baek?”

Baekhyun leaned his head back against the headrest of the car seat for a moment before he sat straight again, eyes back on the road in front of them. It was raining quite heavily outside, which made him cautious while driving home. The conversation he had started was being a boomerang, taking a toll on him instead.

“You do. I trust you. I really do.” Baekhyun tried to speak as calmly as possible. “It’s me who I don’t trust. Seriously, Yeol, it’s not your fault.”

“I kept thinking it’s mine.” Chanyeol was restless on the passenger seat.

“It’s not.” Baekhyun shook his head. “It’s just me who needs some space. To think.”

“Can’t you think next to me?” Chanyeol asked, and Baekhyun couldn’t ignore the sadness in his voice. “I’ll be super quiet. I won’t ever bother you.”

“Chanyeol. I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving us. I just…”

“Are you scared things won’t work between us, like what you saw at home long ago?”

The words did magic to him. And it was for the worse. “Did you have to mention that?”

“I could feel it. You’re afraid. You saw one horrible case, and you thought it would be like that for everyone else.”

“If I ever thought of that, I wouldn’t have been with you.”

“Then why do you keep postponing our wedding, Baekhyun?” he could feel Chanyeol growing more exasperated. “You even told Jongdae you have a bad feeling about it.”

“Jongdae? That fucking piece of -” Baekhyun gasped when he swerved slightly to the left. He immediately got back on his lane. “Okay. I admit. I don’t feel great about marriage. You know that. But it’s not because of you!”

“You’ve always said that. Whether it’s because of me or not, it still affects me, doesn’t it?”

“Chanyeol, all I’m asking is some space for me to think! I need more time about this, you fucking know that.”

“And what if you find that you don’t want any of this? That you don’t want that kind of life with me? That you don’t even want me at all?”

“That’s fucking bulshit -”

“I love you, Byun Baekhyun. I love you so much that I fought my Grandfather about being with you, so much that I made sure my parents see I’d drop myself as the son they took so much pride in if they ever touch even a single strand of hair on you. I love you so much that all I see is you.”

“Oh God.” Baekhyun whispered in desperation.

“I love you, Baek. Why won’t you let me love you?”

For a moment, Baekhyun’s mind went blank.

“Why won’t you let me make you happy? Why won’t you let yourself be happy? Why do you always have to take the difficult way out of things? For God’s sake, you’re not your parents. You’re Byun Baekhyun. You’re capable of loving and being loved, and I’m going to make sure you know that.”

He _was_ loved. He felt it, he knew it. Chanyeol had done nothing but love him in ways he didn't think someone could do. Chanyeol himself grew up in a rather cold house, but he still ended up being the warm lover he was.

And he _was_ loving. He had done everything he could to love Chanyeol. He had pushed his own limits, defeated his own doubts, because he trusted Chanyeol that much. He always tried to give back the love Chanyeol gave him.

But what if, in the end, he runs out of energy to keep up with all of this? What if the entirely new kind of life together takes a toll on them?

' _Love is not enough, Baekhyun._ ' his mother once told him, when she tried her best to explain to him what was happening between her and her husband. ' _There is something far beyond love you've gotta maintain when you're aware that you're spending every second with someone for the rest of your life._ '

What if his love for Chanyeol can't save the both of them later? What if he ends up mistreating Chanyeol, just like what his father had done to his mom?

“What if I’m just…” Baekhyun whispered, “not capable of loving you right?”

There was no answer.

Chanyeol didn’t get his chance to.

  
  


He was there. Next to Chanyeol. Behind the steering wheel.

He drove them to their doom.

Now it’s all coming back to him.

“Chanyeol… died,” he fights the sudden dryness in his throat, “because of… me?”

He hears someone walking to his side; it’s Junmyeon, and this time there’s a sense of calmness on his face. “It’s up to you, whether you want to think about it like that or not,” he speaks gently as if he’s talking to an upset child, “but you do know this universe is made of billions strings of events. It could’ve been your fault, for not paying attention to the streets. It could’ve been Chanyeol’s fault, for making you unable to focus. It could’ve been even the other driver’s fault, for moving at that speed hence colliding with you at that point. If you think about it, nothing was ever anyone’s fault, wasn’t it?”

There’s a deafening silence that follows the words, before Junmyeon breaks another fact to him.

“You’ve been in comatose state since the day you were admitted to the hospital. Your surgery was a success, but your brain was put in such a trauma. Instead of healing, it was on its way of giving up.

But do you remember? You were still conscious when you were found at the crash site.”

  
  


“Kyungsoo, watch out for his head!”

“Jongin? You’re done with the other patient?”

“He’s on the other ambulance now. Let’s go!”

_The fuck is happening?_

“Mr. Byun Baekhyun? Can you hear me? Jongin do you think he can hear me?”

“Stay with us, Mr. Byun.”

He looked at both of them simultaneously, then at the thing right above him; it was a car ceiling, and he recognized the paramedics suits the aforementioned people were wearing.

_Where the hell am I?_

_Why can’t I feel anything?_

“I’ll get off first.”

“Copy. I’ll inform Dr. Kim and Minseok.”

“Is Minseok doing the triage?”

_What is happening to me?_

“Mr. Byun Baekhyun? I’m Minseok, I’ll be taking you to the OR and Dr. Kim Junmyeon would take care of you. Don’t worry, okay? Stay with us.” It was a male nurse, and he looked calm and collected.

_Why am I going to the operating room -_

_Oh… did I…_

_Shit._

“Who’s attending patient Park Chanyeol?” another man above him asked the nurse.

“It’s Dr. Zhang, Doc.”

_Park Chanyeol?_

He wanted to move his lips and call out for his fiance, but they were frozen, and he couldn't even make a sound. All he was seeing then was endless rows of lights attached to white ceiling.

Somehow, he heard his name being shouted for, although the sound was so faint he thought he only imagined it.

“Is that the other patient?”

“Yes, Doc, he’s been calling for this one.”

_Chanyeol?_

_Chanyeol!_

“Yixing? Why are you here?”

“I’ve got something to confirm.” another man appeared in his sight, looking down at him with worry. “Damn. They had it pretty bad.”

“Is that patient still looking for this one?”

“Yeah, but he’s losing consciousness. He’s in even worse shape.”

_What happened to Chanyeol?_

_Oh God._

_Oh God, what did I do?_

More endless rows of lights. He passed someone by. “Jesus Christ, Junmyeon hyung, what happened to him?”

“Not now, Sehun.”

That was the last thing his ears caught before everything went blank on him.

  
  


“You’ve met us all. In the last seconds of your consciousness, we were the last faces you saw.”

The scenes play altogether inside his head, jumbled like a broken record. Everything is starting to make sense and he’s hating every single second of it. This isn’t supposed to make sense.

“You brought your memory of us into your imagination and put each of us into the scenarios you made as the way to cope with yourself.” Junmyeon continues. “That’s why we are here with you, Baekhyun. You brought us here.”

“What…” he mouths, “what scenario?”

He sees Junmyeon turning around to look at Yixing, as if to ask for a hand. Yixing walks forward to him and gently takes a hold of his hand. “Think, Baekhyun.” he tells him softly. “You know you’ve thought about it before. All of us, the things we did, it all reminded you of what you went through in your own life. And what you’ve found here is the outcome you couldn’t have back then.”

‘ _Kyungsoo was already someone I love before he became my husband, and then my ex husband. All I’m doing is treating him as the person I love instead of the person who was once my life partner._ ’

“Kyungsoo and Jongin were the projection of your parents. You never understood your parents’ decision to separate despite still caring for each other, and Jongin answered it all for you. He made you see how their separation was never the end of their relationship; it was just their way to make things work better between them.”

‘ _I thought that if they were hurting while being next to each other, then they would heal once they separate. Because what’s the point of staying together when you can’t be happy with it? And I thought, if they really were meant to be together, then they would always find the way back to each other._ ’

“You projected your brother’s story into Sehun, and you did what you didn’t do back then to him; try to understand his point of view. You’ve always resented your brother for supporting your parents’ decision to separate, never realizing that all he wanted was to end your parents’ pain after witnessing it for so long. Sehun made you realize all of that. His and Junmyeon’s relationship made you wish you could’ve realized all of that sooner so you too, would’ve been able to face your brother without guilt and resentment.”

“How about you?” he looks up at Yixing. “Who are you in this?”

Yixing gives him a small smile. “I am you, Baekhyun. We all are you, at some point. A part of you. But I’m the closest projection of you.”

‘ _Or, you just have too much baggage that you’re afraid you won’t be able to love him right while having it inside you._ ’

‘ _So you left before you got left. You didn’t know what to do if the worst case was to happen. And you hated it. Not knowing._ ’

“That’s why my story has been similar to yours, because it’s really just an exact copy of it. All of us are parts of your life. You just made us into the actors who act out those scenes.”

In the end, it’s just another cheap soap opera he had created for himself and Chanyeol. Just an alternate reality he had built to be able to keep Chanyeol with him for as long as he could. It’s crazy how it’s starting to make sense now, and Baekhyun feels the urge to laugh at everything about this. Such a peculiar thing his brain did just to keep Chanyeol around, going through such extent just for Chanyeol.

_Just for Chanyeol?_

“If I created all of this just to keep Chanyeol with me,” he forces himself to speak, eyes locked with the body on the hospital bed, “then why… why did I have to create all of you? Why did I have to bring my family’s matters into here?”

They all turn to look at Chanyeol, who’s still by his side, supporting his weight with his own figure. “Chanyeol,” Junmyeon calls, “you should be the one to tell him.”

Slowly, Chanyeol shakes his head. “I can’t.” the guy looks down over the tiles.

“You’re his doctor, Junmyeon. You tell him.”

He stares up at Yixing and Junmyeon simultaneously. In the end, Junmyeon lets out a small sigh and nods at them. He embraces himself for what’s coming.

“You’re dying, Baekhyun.”

_I’m what?_

“Your body is giving up, and it’s deteriorating a little bit faster every day.”

‘ _This is the first Christmas we would have without him._ ’

‘ _Whatever it is that he’s going through, I hope he can wake up soon._ ’

‘ _I wish you could be there at her birthday party. She misses you a lot._ ’

“There will be one point where your body gives up completely and your brain shuts down. As for now, I could say that you’re still breathing now because of the machines that have been supporting you for months.”

‘ _You don’t have to follow him as well._ ’

‘ _What if he never wakes up?_ ’

So _that_ was what all those nightmares were about. They all were never nightmares; they were glimpses of his real life.

And they all have been telling him that he’s running out of time.

“Despite not being able to move, you’ve been grieving for Chanyeol for months in your head. But the moment you sensed, you knew, that you were running out of time, you began to grief for yourself as well. The grief only got bigger and bigger, and at the last moments of your life, you figured out you wanted to deal with the pain that always haunted your whole existence. You sculpted this world out of your regrets and hopes.

Through your imagination, you’re trying to let go of Chanyeol and your life.”

In the end, he’s the one who has to leave soon. It’s all been about him since the first place. It’s all been about him letting go of everything.

He’s the one going somewhere brand new. And he has to let Chanyeol go there as well before that.

“Do you understand now, Baekhyun?”

He wishes he does _not_ understand. He wishes he could stay clueless forever. But it’s his responsibility to be aware of what he’s been doing.

“Now…” he croaks out, “what do I do now?” he searches for Chanyeol’s face, and his tears start to well up the moment he finds the sorrow in Chanyeol’s eyes. “What do I do now?”

“You stay with me.” Chanyeol nods, tightening his hold around him. “Stay with me. You’ll be safe with me.”

“He has to go back one last time, Chanyeol.” he hears Junmyeon’s stern voice. “You know that very well.”

“He’ll be back before you know it, Chanyeol.”

“We’ll wait for him together.”

Chanyeol is tearing up as well. Baekhyun wonders why. Maybe it’s because this Chanyeol in front of him is a fragment of his imagination, a part of him, that Chanyeol can feel his distress as well.

“Chanyeol.” he calls softly. “You’re my Chanyeol, aren’t you? You’ve always been my Chanyeol all along.”

“I’m here.” Chanyeol nods at him. “I’ve always been here for you.”

“Chanyeol, let him go for now.”

He watches as Chanyeol leans down, and he feels a pair of lips pressed against his forehead right after. “Don’t be too long.” Chanyeol whispers at him, sounding choked up. He then sees Chanyeol hand hovering above his face. Slowly, Chanyeol helps him close his eyes.

He can’t see anything for the moment, but he could feel everything around him spiralling down.

===

“I’m Byun Baekhyun. We’re partners for the final project.”

Baekhyun didn’t expect to have to wait for seconds for the guy in front of him to shake his hand. But the obnoxiously tall guy was taking all the time in the world, and he started to think that he was going to have to bear with an asshole for the rest of the semester.

But then the guy took his hand, grip firm and warm. “Park Chanyeol. I know you’re Byun Baekhyun.”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow.

“We were in the same music class for the whole junior year.”

Frowning, Baekhyun ransacked the memory files inside his head for a moment until his eyes widened with recognition. “The class’s coconut tree!” he exclaimed, only to gasp in embarrassment when the guy laughed at the well known nickname the kids had made back in their high school days. Long gone was the cynical thoughts, replaced with his best attempt to appear friendly. “How come I didn’t know you study here as well?”

The guy - Chanyeol - shrugged, still smiling at him. “We were never in the same class aside from that one time. Guess the universe never really aligned our stars until today.”

A weird statement coming from a stranger was supposed to be the sign for him to walk back and dash off. However, this guy was going to be his partner for the whole year, and he couldn’t jeopardize his grades just because he wanted to avoid a weirdo. “Yeah.” he murmured.

“I know I’ve already sounded creepy to you,” the Chanyeol guy started walking backwards, “but I've got to say this; I have the feeling that we’re going to be best friends.”

 _Sorry. I’ve already got the whole ass Kim Jongdae to deal with. Can’t afford one more._ “What gave you the feeling?” he asked nonetheless. One more weird statement and he would get out. He could submit a request for a change of his project partner later.

Again, Chanyeol shrugged, still with the sheepish smile that was starting to look annoying to him. And apparently that was the only answer offered to him, because at the next second, the tall guy was already waving at him before turning around to walk away.

Baekhyun stayed on his spot, sighing out loud. Thinking about having to deal with a stranger for the whole year was already starting to take a toll on him. _Please, Lord, whoever it is up there, please don’t let him be much weirder than he was._

===

The first time Byun Baekbeom ran this fast was more than a decade ago.

Back then, he just got home from a long day in the hospital; being a young doctor in his internship years was hell. Then he got a call from the very said hospital, and it wasn’t even anything about him; it was to inform him that his brother was brought into the emergency room.

He immediately informed his parents, then asked their driver to speed up back to the hospital. He ran as fast as he could, leaving his parents behind him, towards the emergency room where he had spent the whole night being on duty before. There was his brother, sprawled helplessly on the hospital bed. Overdose, they said. Almost couldn’t make it, they said.

And Baekbeom, for the very first time in his life, was scared to death. He cried, and cried, not even able to understand why there were so many tears coming from his eyes.

And that day, he promised to himself that he would make sure his brother would never be in that state again.

He spent years and years trying to make his brother open up to him. To understand what has been inside his brother’s head. Even when his brother ended up resenting him for what happened in the family, he never minded it. If anger could keep his brother close to him, then so be it.

Thus, when he ran this fast for the second time, towards the same place, for the same reason, Baekbeom didn’t have any other choice than to blame himself.

He didn’t even know what had led his brother to the crash, but he still felt it was his fault. His brother was in critical condition, they said. Almost couldn’t make it, they said. He’s going to be in a comatose state for an indefinite time, they said.

The chance of him waking up soon is small, they said.

Baekbeom prayed hard, every night. He did every single good thing he could think of. All with the hope that he could bargain with God up there and ask Him to spare his brother’s life. He would do anything, as long as his brother could wake up.

And maybe, God Himself got fed up with his prayers.

“He’s awake, Beom-ah. Our Baekhyun, he’s awake.”

And so, for the third time, he runs as fast as he could towards the hospital, this time with joy and relief in his chest. He’s going to look his brother in the eyes again.

When he arrives, his parents are already there, standing next to the hospital bed where his brother rests. His trusted junior has done all the check ups on his brother, putting him into even more relief. Baekbeom finally gets to approach his brother and takes the unscathed hand into his hold.

“Baekhyun,” he calls gently, “can you hear me? It’s Baekbeom.”

Baekhyun is still breathing, his eyes are moving around to find him, and he could feel the faint warmth of Baekhyun’s hand. That’s all that matters. His brother is alive.

The look in Baekhyun’s eyes is blank, but it’s more than enough for now.

  
  


“He’s actually doing well. Better than he did in the past eight months.” his junior explains. “I can’t say I’m optimistic, but this should be a great step forward.”

Baekbeom lets out a relieved sigh, eyes still on his brother. He then turns to pat his junior’s shoulder. “Thanks a lot, Junmyeon. You’ve been taking such great care of him all these time. I always felt safe because he’s in your hands.”

“Dr. Byun.” Dr. Kim pays him a small bow. “I was just doing my job.”

“When is your wedding with Yixing?”

“Around this year’s Christmas, Doc.”

Something sinks inside him. “Baekhyun was supposed to get married last Christmas.”

“So I’ve heard. I’m so sorry for his loss, Doc.”

Chanyeol. Of course. “It’s a loss for me too. That kid was my brother’s soulmate.”

  
  


At night, Baekbeom decides to stay at the hospital; he couldn’t let his parents get sore backs tomorrow for having to sleep on the couch.

“When will we get to see Uncle?” his daughter Hyejoo laments through the phone, and he could actually imagine her pout. Baekhyun once taught her how to put on an angry face and that was the only thing she caught up from it.

“When Uncle is much better, dear. He still needs to sleep more so he could get a lot of rest. Be patient, okay?”

After successfully calming Hyejoo down and bidding his wife and his son good night, Baekbeom slowly opens the door to Baekhyun’s ward. However, he doesn’t push the door completely when he hears the sound of someone crying.

It’s his father.

“If only I could turn back time, son,” he hears his father’s hushed voice, “I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have.”

He leans against the door frame.

“I’m so sorry it took so many years for me to see it. I’ve hurt you so badly, haven’t I? You and Baekbeom. I never even had the guts to scold you whenever you did something I didn’t approve of, because I’ve wronged you so severely. If only I knew how heavy the damage I would cause you, I wouldn’t have left. I wouldn’t have agreed when your mom suggested that we get a divorce. I wouldn’t have listened to your brother when he said it was for the best. I would have stayed. I never wanted any of this. What meaning would my own happiness have if I have to lose my son for it?”

Letting out a sigh, Baekbeom hangs his head low.

“Get up, Baekhyun. Get up, and be angry at me again. All I need is to see you be healthy and live well. I need to see you be happy, Baekhyun. I haven’t got the chance to see you genuinely smile.”

_He did smile genuinely. With Chanyeol. Now I don’t know how we could see that ever again._

“Get well soon, my son. I’ll always be here to welcome you back.”

  
  


It’s the next morning, when a young internship doctor is doing Baekhyun’s morning check up, that he gets unexpected guests.

“Yoora?” Baekbeom immediately stands up from the couch upon the sight of them. He gives the elder between the two a full bow. “Auntie…”

“Long time no see.” Yoora gives him a friendly smile, although there’s a tint of sadness in it.

Baekbeom is caught off guard for the moment. He turns to the young intern. “Sehun, can you come back later?”

“I’m actually done, Dr. Byun. I’ll just excuse myself now.”

He waits until the intern is out of the room to pull the chairs for Yoora and her mother to sit on. “Please make yourselves comfortable.”

Yoora and her mother settle down on the chairs, right next to the hospital bed. “How is he doing?” Yoora asks.

“He’s doing well. The progress is slow, but it’s surely moving forward.” Baekbeom approaches his brother. “Hyun? It’s Yoora and Auntie. I’ll send your greetings to them.”

There’s a deafening silence for a moment, until he sees the lady take a hold of Baekhyun’s hand. “Baekhyun-ah,” she calls tenderly while looking at the blank expression on Baekhyun’s face, “did you get to meet our Chanyeol?”

“ _Mom_.” Yoora warns, obviously caught off guard as well. She glances at Baekbeom and mouths apologetically; “I’m sorry.”

“Is he doing well?” the lady continues. “I miss him so much.”

Not knowing what to do, Baekbeom decides to stay frozen on where he’s been standing.

“Thank you for coming back, dear. I know you love Chanyeol very much, but as I said, you don’t have to follow him as well. Let’s love him from here, shall we?”

Yoora circles her arm around her mother’s shoulder.

“But if it’s still possible for you to meet him, even just once again, can you do me a favor?” the lady’s voice starts to waver. “Please tell Chanyeol not to worry. We’ll always love him, and we’ll always remember him. And tell him that we miss him a lot, but we’ll manage. Tell him to go and have his rest. Tell him we’ve sent him away.”

He watches as Yoora starts to sob quietly next to her mother, who’s still smiling at Baekhyun despite having tears rolling down her face. He, too, can feel his own eyes burning.

“Get well soon, Baekhyun-ah.” the lady pats Baekhyun’s hand. “Help me pack Chanyeol’s stuff when you’re ready, okay?”

When he takes a good look at Baekhyun, he finds a tear escaping his brother’s eyes.

===

Since the day his best friend was admitted to the hospital and fell into a coma, Kim Jongdae never left Seoul for any reason.

He always dodged the occasion to go out of town, be it for work or a trip with his office mates. He even missed his grandmother’s birthday party in Shiheung. He always made sure he visits the hospital as much as he could, although he knows his presence won’t make his best friend wake up.

Then the very said grandmother fell sick, and his family and relatives told him it would _finally_ be her last straw. He realized he had abandoned his duty as her grandson back then, thus with a heavy heart, he rode to Shiheung to see her. But he didn’t leave before he told his best friend’s family for the nth time that they have to let him know anything that happens to his best friend.

On his third day in Shiheung, just right after the doctor in the hospice informed them that his grandmother was fine again, he got the call he didn’t expect.

“He’s awake now!”

Jongdae would’ve flown back to Seoul if he could. He immediately told his best friend’s brother that he would go back right then, but he was told to stay for the meantime and go back the day after. He ended up feeling anxious for the whole night.

Now he’s finally back in Seoul, in the hospital he had started to grow bored of, rushing towards the room he has been visiting for eight months. He passes by some familiar faces along the way.

He opens the door with a loud clang. He finds his best friend’s entire family there.

“Jongdae!” his best friend’s brother waves a hand. “Come here.”

With weakened knees, he walks towards the bed where he had rested his head and fallen asleep on for so many times. His best friend’s eyes are finally open. “Baekhyun?” he croaks out. “It’s Jongdae. Can you hear me? Can he hear me?”

“We’re not really sure. He hasn’t been responsive.”

“I believe he can.” his best friend’s brother, Baekbeom, stands next to him. “This kid can hear us very well.”

In the matter of second, Jongdae bursts into tears. Funny how he never cried the whole time Baekhyun was in the hospital, despite always being fed with pessimistic news from the doctors. Now that Baekhyun is finally awake, all of the emotions inside him just flood out of his system, draining him out. “Dammit, dude,” he wipes his cheeks harshly, “what took you so long?!”

Finally, his persistence for the past months has paid off.

  
  


“So miracle does exist, I guess.”

Jongdae can’t even hide his content smile. “Miracle or whatever it is, what matters is that this prick is awake.”

He hears the other man giggle. Minseok, the nurse, has been tending Baekhyun for the past couple of months. He was also the one who did the triage for Baekhyun when he was first admitted to the emergency room. Upon meeting each other often, somehow both of them ended up being pulled towards each other, slowly but surely.

Maybe he should thank Baekhyun for making him meet such a cool person like Minseok.

“Dr. Zhang Yixing asked me to send the Byuns his regards. He’s very glad that Mr. Byun Baekhyun is awake.”

“Dr. Zhang?” Jongdae frowns a little, trying to recall the familiar name. “Oh, shit. The one who operated on…”

It’s been eight months since Chanyeol’s death, yet it’s still kind of difficult for him to casually say his name. He wonders how they should properly break down the news to Baekhyun once he’s well enough to hear it.

But if it’s true that Baekhyun has always been able to hear them, then he should’ve known all along.

“He still feels guilty about that patient.” Minseok lets out a sigh. “There wasn’t much that he could do, but still, he feels like it was his fault for not trying harder.”

Jongdae nods in agreement. “He did his best. I’ve heard the same thing from everybody.”

“His wedding with Dr. Kim would be around this Christmas. Would you, you know, go as my plus one?”

“Wait a second,” Jongdae immediately turns around to face the nurse, “how could you ask me so casually like that?”

Minseok frowns at him, confused. “How was I supposed to…?”

“I don’t know. It was just that it sounded so casual that it feels like you asked me to go with you just because you couldn’t ask anyone else. Like your paramedics friends.”

“Jongin and Kyungsoo would obviously go as a couple. But do you really think I asked you because of that?”

He pouts. “Then why did you ask me to go with you?”

“Hmm… because there’s no one else.”

“Kim Minseok!”

Minseok smirks at him, making him nervous out of sudden. “Because you’re the only person I want to bring as my partner…?”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“I am, Kim Jongdae.”

“Shit. How could you be so smooth like that?”

“Nights in the ER with Junmyeon did that to me. Oops, I mean Dr. Kim.”

  
  


Out of his expectations, Chanyeol’s close friends from work come to visit in the evening.

“How did you guys know?” Jongdae asks with wide eyes as he gestures at them to sit on the couch.

“My brother is friends with Dr. Byun, remember? I heard it from him.” Seokjin, Chanyeol’s overtime working buddy, greets him with a friendly smile. “Can we see him up close?”

“Of course.”

“It’s been almost a year.” Joohyun tails behind. “I still can’t believe what happened to both of them.”

Seokjin lets out a heavy sigh as he observes Baekhyun. “We miss Chanyeol very much.” he then says. “And we thought, if we could see Baekhyun living well, then we could consider that we’d also be seeing Chanyeol living too. After all, they’ve been a part of each other.”

Jongdae feels a heavy surge of warmth in his chest. The story of Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s road to love has been so well known, even amongst their friends. After all these years, everyone still thinks of it as a miracle that Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun could be together and so into each other, when they had opposing personalities and beliefs.

It’s very beautiful that they all still remember both of them together, and Jongdae hopes Chanyeol and Baekhyun would always be remembered.

===

The next morning, Baekhyun’s body temperature spikes up.

The cause can’t be confirmed exactly. The Byuns and Jongdae can only wait outside the room in worry as the doctor and nurses give Baekhyun different sets of liquid in an attempt to decrease the fever. They hope it’s just a small challenge in Baekhyun’s way to readjust to his conscious state.

As Baekhyun is put under close observation, he gets transferred to the ICU. Baekbeom asks his parents and Jongdae to wait in the room while he accompanies Baekhyun. He starts to notice the swelling on Baekhyun’s feet and hands, and he can’t shrug off the dread that pools inside him. _It can’t be_ that _, right_?

When Junmyeon, his junior, points at him that Baekhyun’s breathing has been irregular, Baekbeom finally lets the dread take over him. Something is very wrong with Baekhyun.

An hour later, he calls his father through the phone. “I have something to tell all of you.”

And when all of them, including Jongdae, are gathered in front of the ICU doors, Junmyeon finally informs them.

"He's gone into a comatose state again."

* * *


	9. The Goodbye

When he opens his eyes, the first sight that greets him is the ceiling above him that looks very familiar.

He feels the wind blowing against the skin of his arms above the blanket; someone left the window open, he finds when he shifts his gaze to the side. It’s bright outside, and it looks like the sun is already high in the sky. Pushing himself up to sit, he wonders why his whole body feels so well and content, as if he just woke up from a very good sleep. He glances around the room; he’s back in his bedroom in the beach house.

Was all of that a dream? Or has he come back to his dream world instead?

Baekhyun yanks the blanket away, getting off the bed slowly. He makes his way down the stairs, only to find Jongdae sitting on the couch - or technically, napping on it. He speeds up and walks towards his best friend, and when he stops in front of the sleeping guy, he raises a hand to pinch Jongdae’s nose with his fingers, effectively blocking air from entering.

To his success, Jongdae wakes up abruptly due to the lack of oxygen. His best friend stares up at him disorientedly for a moment, before the sleepy eyes widen in surprise. “You’re back!” Jongdae stands up from the couch in an instant and pulls him into a hug. “Shit, you fucking scared me!”

Baekhyun is stunned by the sudden gesture, but the hesitation immediately melts away the moment he realizes that this is the very same Jongdae who have been with him since high school, who has been there for him through his ups and downs, who had nursed him back into health for many times that he got sick, who knew all his dark sides and chose to keep them safe with him, who never left the chair next to the bed hospital he was bedridden on for eight months. Thus he circles his arms around Jongdae’s torso and tightens the hug. “You’ve always been there for me, huh?” Baekhyun says, voice muffled against Jongdae’s shoulder. “You never left my side.”

“How could I ever?”

“You could have. But you didn’t. And I’m thanking you for that. Thank you so much, Kim Jongdae.”

“Stop being sappy or I’ll cry.”

Baekhyun lets out a titter. “Please spare me your ugly crying face.”

“But why are you here again so soon?” Jongdae releases him from his embrace. “How are things back there?”

He wants to tell Jongdae that he’s definitely doing worse, but words just won’t form in his mouth. Maybe he’s still not quite ready to admit that himself. “Is he still here?” he asks instead.

It doesn’t take long for Jongdae to understand who he’s talking about. “He’s been waiting for you. He’s probably at the shore right now.”

“I don’t think I can meet him.” he murmurs, head casting down.

“But why?”

Gulping down the emotions, he shakes his head slightly. “I can’t face him after what happened. It’s all… it’s all because of me, isn’t it?”

He finds Jongdae’s hand clasping around his own. “Look at me.” Jongdae says, and somehow he complies right away. “He’s been waiting for you all these time. He’s been waiting to meet you, because by then he could finally leave. You have to meet him to let him go, Baekhyun.”

“Can’t I be here with him forever?”

“You know that’s not how this thing works.”

Suppressing the warmth that starts to pool in his eyes, Baekhyun finally nods at his best friend. He lets the hands go and goes for the door, making his way to the porch. He gets down onto the sand and slowly walks towards the shore. Eventually his eyes catch the silhouette of a man standing before the water, hair ruffled by the wind.

It’s his Chanyeol.

He speeds up, and the destination is finally set now. At some point, Chanyeol glances towards his direction, and he can see the round eyes widening in surprise and longing. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, only starting to run towards him to close the distance as fast as he could. It makes Baekhyun start running as well.

They meet in the middle, and Baekhyun immediately circles his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and pulls him down into a kiss, lips crashing against each other in yearning. Chanyeol doesn’t take more than a second to welcome the gesture, cradling Baekhyun’s head with one hand while the other supporting him on his back. There is no particular heat or sensuality in this; this is out of their need to feel each other’s presence, to express how much they have missed each other. It’s for Baekhyun to apologize, and for Chanyeol to assure him that everything is finally okay now.

When they detach themselves from each other, Baekhyun looks up at the still disoriented Chanyeol. “I’m so sorry.” he cries out. “You’ve waited for so long, haven’t you? I’m so sorry, Chanyeol.”

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol finally gives him a smile, hands now resting on each side of his head, thumbs caressings his cheeks. “You’re here now. It’s okay.”

“I love you.”

Chanyeol results in a shy chuckle. “Where did that come from?”

“I thought that if I really got to see you again,” Baekhyun tries to fight the sob that’s threatening to break out of him, “that should be the first thing I say to you.”

Because back then, when they were still very much alive and well, saying those words was the hardest thing for him. Now that it’s literally his last chance to be with Chanyeol, he should drop all of those hesitation and just do what he always wanted to.

“I love you, Park Chanyeol. I love you.”

“Thank you. Thank you for saying that.” Chanyeol closes their distance again, this time in an unhurried move, gently pressing their foreheads against each other. “I love you too, Byun Baekhyun.” he whispers, voice warm and tender. “I love you so, so much.”

Chanyeol then pecks the apple of his left cheek, and despite the blushing, Baekhyun feels it just isn’t enough. Thus he goes for Chanyeol’s lips, engaging themselves into a languid kiss, this time filled with joy and contentment.

===

The very first thing they do after the dramatic reunion is lay in bed all afternoon. Chanyeol lends his arm to him to use as a pillow while he snuggles into Chanyeol’s arms, their legs being tangled together. They’re not sleeping, but they don’t break the silence either, as if they just want to cherish each other’s presence, listening to each other’s breathing. Every few minutes Chanyeol kisses the top of his head, and he replies with landing a peck on the tip of Chanyeol’s jaw.

“So my dad apologized to me.” Baekhyun finally breaks the silence when the sun is already low, giving the room hues of orange. “He said he regretted what happened to us. He said if he could turn back the time, he wouldn’t have done what he did.”

He feels Chanyeol puts a hand on his arm and caresses it gently; his silent way to comfort him.

“Funny thing was that, I didn’t think so? I’ve spent half of my life hating him, blaming him for what happened, but when he finally told me the words I always wanted to hear, I disagreed with him.”

“And why is that?” Chanyeol’s voice is gentle and warm.

“I just think that… there’s really no use in regretting what happened.” he exhales into the expanse of Chanyeol’s neck. “I know, what we went through was horrible. But after all we sacrifice things along the way in our lives. Which means we gained something out of the misfortune. Let’s say my parents never split up, would that have made us the most perfect family? I think it would’ve been a ticking bomb instead, and when it explodes, worse things would happen.”

In the moment, he recalls the times when he wondered how could his parents still look after each other despite having been separated for years. He never understood why they chose to go that way. But now he sees the reason as clear as the day; it was the best way they could love without hurting each other in the process.

“So I don’t really agree with him. It indeed was for the best, what happened. The best isn’t always the prettiest after all.”

“Hm, wise Baekhyun. Hot.”

He looks up at Chanyeol and kisses the tip of his jaw again. “Pervert.” he smirks. “Oh, he also told me to get up real soon so I can get angry at him again. Sad how I’ll always be remembered as the angry bird in the family.”

Chanyeol bursts into a loud laugh. “They way you would always frown whenever he was being nice to you. Poor man. He really just wanted to pamper you.”

“And I would be, like, ‘what do you want from me that you’re doing this?’ Oh God, what a pain in the ass I was.” Baekhyun snorts. “Everyone really had the right to find it weird that you stayed with me that long, seriously. How did you bear with me all these time?”

“What’s wrong about you though?” Chanyeol pouts. “All I did was just be there for you. Nothing much.”

Baekhyun scoots upwards so he could match Chanyeol’s eye level. “You did much more than that.” he gives him a warm smile. “Much, much more.”

Chanyeol is staring back right into his eyes, and they dwell in the moment before Chanyeol claims his lips in a gentle yet firm move. In one second their lips brush against each other, delicate and sweet, and at the next second they add pressure to one another, searching, feeling, basking in as much as they could. Their reunion isn’t over yet.

Or maybe it’s bound to be over, when a familiar voice shocks both of them, making them pull away from each other. “Oh thank goodness your clothes are still on.”

Baekhyun sits up on the bed and finds Jongdae standing awkwardly near the top of the stairs, looking at them across the room. Chanyeol’s laugh booms beside him. “Can you please, _please_ stop being a cockblock?!” he grunts.

“This peasant just wanted to inform Your Highnesses that dinner will be served shortly.” Jongdae bows. “This peasant is sorry for the interruption. May Your Highnesses resume eating each other’s face in peace.”

“I’ll help you.” Chanyeol says, still laughing, as he sits up to get off the bed.

“What?” Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol in disappointment. “But what about me? No, come back here, we were in the middle of something very important!”

  
  


Jongdae made _japchae_ again, this time in an even bigger amount to satisfy three stomachs. They opt to sit on the carpet around the coffee table in front of the couch instead of the dining table. In hindsight, Baekhyun can finally see now that Chanyeol and Jongdae were just being themselves while talking with each other each time they had dinners together like this, and he was just too clueless to notice how they never acted like strangers around each other. The three of them have been together for so many years, after all.

He hopes Jongdae won’t mourn for him and Chanyeol too long after this.

“So I’ve heard some gossip.” he says when they fall into silence. “Apparently you started going out with Minseok in real life, huh?”

Jongdae smirks at him while Chanyeol glances at both of them. “Really?”

“Minseok was the nurse who did triage to us when we got to the emergency room.” he explains while putting more slices of carrots into Chanyeol’s bowl. “Seriously, I never thought you would date a nurse. I always expected you to date someone wild.”

“I never really wanted to date.” Jongdae shrugs.

“Why?”

Jongdae stares at his bowl longer than he should. “If I get occupied with another relationship, then who’s gonna be there for you to keep you off the edge whenever you have your blues with Chanyeol?”

Leaning back against the couch’s leg, Baekhyun puts his chopsticks down. “You’ve always been there for me, Jongdae. You never failed a single thing as a friend. You deserve to have your own love life.”

“I know. And I’ve got Minseok now.” Jongdae smiles at him. “So you don’t have to worry. Both of you.”

Baekhyun suppresses the burning feeling in his eyes. “He sounded like a very cool person. I hope you don’t embarrass yourself in front of him too often.”

“It might be a teeny bit too late for that.”

Chanyeol almost chokes on his food laughing.

  
  


It’s late at night when they’re on the bed again, this time Baekhyun’s back is flush against Chanyeol’s chest. He has Chanyeol’s arm wrapped around him and hand holding his own right against the skin of his abdomen, warm underneath his t-shirt. Chanyeol has been dropping butterfly kisses on the top of his head and temple, sometimes at the upper tip of his ear, suffocating him with warmth. Silent moments with Chanyeol like this were the best moments in his life.

Now the life is ending soon, and he’s glad he’s still given the chance to experience it. But at the same time, he can’t stretch it out any longer.

“Your mom and sister came to visit me.” he says, almost in a whisper.

Chanyeol doesn’t react to it. Maybe not yet.

Thus, he continues cautiously. “Your mom wondered if I got to meet you. She wanted me to tell you that you are missed very much, but you shouldn’t worry about them because they’ll manage.” He tightens his hold on Chanyeol’s hand. “And that you’ll always be loved remembered.”

He gets the response in the form of Chanyeol burying his face into the column of his neck, snuggling against his shoulder.

“She said I should help her pack your stuff once I recover.” Baekhyun chuckles slightly, bittersweetly. “Looks like I won’t be able to do it, though.”

It looks like he would have to disappoint a lot of people who are waiting for him to recover.

Baekhyun reaches out for Chanyeol’s head with his free hand, caressing Chanyeol’s locks carefully. “Your friends came too. Seokjin and Joohyun. They wanted to see me, because they thought they could see you through me.” he smiles to himself. “They thought that if they see me alive and alright, they could consider seeing you as well.”

“They all miss you a lot.” he whispers. “That’s just how much you are loved, Chanyeol. Because you’ve loved them as well.”

He feels something warm and wet on his shoulder; Chanyeol’s tears have soaked his shirt. He tries to comfort his fiance by pulling his arm towards him more so they could be even closer to each other.

“You know you’re loved too, right?” Chanyeol speaks in his quavering voice.

Baekhyun’s breath hitches for a second, thoughts dispersed.

“Everyone waited for you to wake up again. Everyone wishes to see you recover and live.” he feels a soft kiss against the back of his neck. “ _That_ is just how loved you are.”

‘ _Our Baekhyun, he’s awake._ ’

‘ _I need to see you be happy, Baekhyun. I haven’t got the chance to see you genuinely smile._ ’

“I’ve always told you how loved you are. You never really believed me.”

‘ _Get well soon, Baekhyun-ah. Help me pack Chanyeol’s stuff when you’re ready, okay?_ ’

‘ _Dammit, dude, what took you so long?!_ ’

“You always thought so low of yourself. You said you push people away, or hurt them when they’re around you. But you never meant to do all of those. You cared for them in your own way. And in the end, your heart reached them, didn’t it?”

‘ _And we thought, if we could see Baekhyun living well, then we could consider that we’d also be seeing Chanyeol living too._ ’

Now it’s his turn to tear up.

“You did love people around you. And you were always genuine about it.”

“It’s all because of you, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun closes his eyes to let the tears fall down. “You loved me so greatly, so easily, that I thought, maybe I could do at least one fifth of what you did to me to others. You made it possible for me to show them I care.”

Chanyeol tugs on his shoulder, which signals him to turn around. As soon as he faces Chanyeol, his fiance immediately swoops in to kiss him full on the lips. It’s languid and overwhelmingly sweet, Baekhyun thinks he could get drunk on it.

When he pulls away, Chanyeol’s lips are red and a little bit swollen, making him grin and blush at the same time. “Almost forgot how hot you are.” he mumbles.

“That comment doesn’t suit the atmosphere, Baek.”

“You were the one who ruined the atmosphere the moment you kissed me, Yeol.” Baekhyun laughs, then something suddenly pops into his mind. “Wait a second.”

He sits up and slips his hand into the space between the mattress and the bedpost, finding the letter he found from the novel book. “To B, from Y. Of course.” he unfolds the paper. “Of course that was you!”

‘To Baek, from Yeol’, the writings on the envelope that had contained the letter must have meant.

“Yeah.” Chanyeol chuckles while taking the letter from his hand. “Do you remember anything about this poem?”

Baekhyun ransacks his head for a moment. “This was never a poem, and that book was never even a book,” he says in awe, “this was a part of the lyrics to that song!”

“Your favorite song.” Chanyeol turns to look at him. “ _Our_ song.”

A few years ago, they discovered the song titled ‘Universe’ together, and it has been their favorite ever since.

“It was an attempt to remind you of me. It worked some way, right?”

“It confused me.” Baekhyun chuckles. “But you’re right. If it wasn’t for that letter, I would still be deep in my own imagination, not knowing what I’m supposed to do, and that I’m running out of time.”

“We both are running out of time.”

It makes Baekhyun lean back to take a good look at Chanyeol. “What are you exactly? Why does it seem like you’re more than just my projection of you in real life?”

Chanyeol inhales deeply, seemingly preparing himself for an explanation. “You could say that I’m the real Chanyeol. Or the remnants of what I was. I should’ve left completely, eight months ago. But even then, I was still alive in you. And you’ve been keeping that part of me here while you were slowly creating this world in your head, before you were ready to step in here.”

In disbelief, Baekhyun puts a hand over his mouth. “That’s why Yixing said you’ve been waiting for someone… and you’ll leave once your waiting ends.”

“You can think of it like that. Or, you could think of me as purely your imagination. Either way, you’re still keeping me here.”

The sinking feeling occupies him again. He still has one responsibility left. Still has one last job to do.

“But you can take your time. We can leave together, Baek. Whenever you’re ready.”

He catches Chanyeol’s gaze again, hoping he doesn’t look too fragile at the moment. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, Yeol.”

Chanyeol then pulls him into his arms again. “I know.” his fiance whispers comfortingly, hand patting his back. “I know.”

===

For the first time since his arrival here, he’s not haunted by nightmares.

He wakes up just like the day before, feeling content and peaceful. The sky is already bright outside, and the wind that blows into the room from the slightly open window is quite chilly; it’s still morning.

Then his mind registers in the warmth radiating against his back, only to sigh in relief when he realizes that there’s someone behind him on the bed, and it’s no other than Chanyeol. He slowly turns around to make as little movement as possible. Could Chanyeol be sleeping? While they’re in his imagination?

He finds Chanyeol staring back at him, no trace of sleep in his eyes, only adoration and mirth. There’s a warm, lazy smile adorning his face. When he ends up just gazing up to him, his fiance leans in and kisses his forehead. “Morning.” he greets in a whisper.

Baekhyun can’t prevent a wide smile from blooming on his lips. His eyes flutter close when Chanyeol grazes their cheeks against each other, then rubbing their noses together. These were the little gestures that always got him drunk so early in the morning. The ministrations then get wrapped up with a soft kiss on the corner of his lips.

“Let’s go on a date.” Chanyeol then says out of the blue.

“A date?”

“A whole day date. Remember when we visited Gamcheon-dong? You practically based your imagination on that day.”

He finally notices it. The sea side village, the beach house his mother had gifted him, even the seafood restaurant. “Whoa. How come I only realize it now?”

“I was thinking we could stroll around the village today. You know, eating. Biking again. Maybe reading?”

“Of all your hobbies I could’ve projected here, I just had to bring your love for reading along, huh?”

Chanyeol giggles. “And meeting the guys.”

Right. Aside from Chanyeol and Jongdae, he hasn’t seen the people he had brought here by his mind. They all have helped him deal with the troubles he had carried here.

He ends his thinking with kissing the tip of Chanyeol’s nose. “Let’s go, then.”

  
  


They ride their bikes along their way to the morning market. Not really meaning to buy anything, Baekhyun drags Chanyeol to the fishcake stall so they could actually get something instead of just wandering around. “Of course I brought this thing here.” Baekhyun claims proudly as he raises his bowl of steaming fishcake. “This is the best food in the world.”

Chanyeol ends up downing three bowls, while he himself is on the fourth. He feels his stomach getting full but gives it no heed. Hot broth in the morning is one of the world’s wonders.

When they’re making their way out of the market, they meet a familiar face.

“Yixing!” Baekhyun calls, finding himself half running towards the florist. When they’re right in front of each other, he envelopes Yixing in a hug.

“You’re back.” he hears Yixing’s voice, still calm as always, yet with a vivid tint of joy in it. “But why so soon?”

Baekhyun releases Yixing, hands still resting on the florist’s shoulder. “I’d still have to go back here after all, so.” he tries to sound nonchalant. “And I kind of missed Chanyeol too much.”

Yixing chuckles warmly at him. “You did well, Baekhyun. Welcome back.”

  
  


They have their lunch at Kyungsoo’s diner, having their regulars with Jongin serving them. “You look different.” Jongin comments.

“I do?” Baekhyun points at himself. “Really?”

Jongin just giggles mischievously. “Welcome back, dude.”

He jokingly frowns at Jongin, who’s already walking away from them towards the cashier counter. He could see Kyungsoo behind the cash register machine, giving him a friendly smile. Then Jongin steals Kyungsoo’s attention, says something to him, and they share a laugh with each other.

It gives a warm, fuzzy feeling inside his chest, and he knows it’s not going anywhere soon.

“So if Yixing was the doctor who did a surgery on me,” Chanyeol’s voice pulls him away from his reverie, “who were Jongin and Kyungsoo?”

“The paramedics who brought us to the emergency room.” Baekhyun sighs while stirring his _jjampong_. “They said you kept looking for me.”

‘ _Is that patient still looking for this one?_ ’

“All I could think of was you.”

Baekhyun looks up, finding Chanyeol’s amiable gaze on him. “You were the last thing I thought of too.”

They end up giggling at each other’s words for a long while.

  
  


When it’s late in the afternoon, they decide to have some snacks and his favorite strawberry milkshake at Minseok’s cafe. He bursts into laughter when he finds Jongdae sitting with Minseok in a table, walking in just at the moment that Jongdae was about to smooch the hell out of Minseok’s face.

“Is that allowed?” Baekhyun shouts from across the room, pointing at the baffled Jongdae. “Is that allowed?!”

“Goddammit, Byun Baekhyun!” Jongdae grunts, glancing at Minseok who’s now hiding the sheepish smile on his face behind his hand. “Do something to that prick!”

“I can’t. We exist here because of him.”

Baekhyun drags the still laughing Chanyeol towards the table of four that Jongdae and Minseok occupy. “It’s a great day to block someone’s cock.” he hums delightedly, making Chanyeol choke on his own.

“Are you done? Are you fucking done?”

“I’m not, but are you fucking Minseok?”

“ _Byun Baekhyun_!!”

They end up recalling stories of their friendship; Jongdae lists out all the times where he had to be the third wheel for Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Minseok turns red from laughing too much, while Chanyeol is sprawled on the chair, tired because of the same reason. Their voices echo throughout the room, and Baekhyun thinks he would’ve loved it so much if they ever got to be a group of four back then instead of just three.

When they finally part ways after Jongdae informs him he’ll be staying at Minseok for the night, Baekhyun wraps his arms around Jongdae to hug him instead of making fun of him.

“What’s this for?” Jongdae snorts, hugging him back tightly.

Baekhyun chuckles. “Nothing.” _Everything_.

  
  


Chanyeol plays guitar at the night market again. This time, it’s Junmyeon and Yixing who are doing slow dance in front of the small stage, occasionally staring into each other’s eyes and giggling. Baekhyun watches from the side, a bottle of soju in his hand.

“Are you happy now?” Sehun, who has been keeping him company, asks out of the blue.

His face drops a little at the question. “I still don’t even know what being happy is like.”

He hears Sehun chuckling lightly. “I don’t think no one really knows what happiness is.” he continues. “All they have is their theory of it, and the world’s prejudice about it. People often chase for the version of happiness that’s been mass-drawn for them instead of understanding what really makes them happy.”

“Forgive me, but are you really a fragment of my imagination?” Baekhyun frowns at Sehun. “Why are you saying such difficult words? My brain is fried from eating all day.”

Sehun laughs in amusement. “It’s been in your head for the longest time, really. Maybe you never knew what happiness feels like, but you’ve got the concept right.”

Sighing, Baekhyun takes a sip of his drink. “That’s sad.” he mumbles. “Having a faint grasp of it but never getting close to it.”

“You were close to it, though.”

The words silence him.

“You were happy with Chanyeol. Because of Chanyeol. The only thing that got in your way to happiness was your doubt over yourself. You doubted you could make Chanyeol happy as much as he had made you.”

‘ _What if I’m just… not capable of loving you right?_ ’

Slowly yet surely, he nods in agreement. That was the point of his problem. He was afraid he couldn’t make Chanyeol happy, because the last time he thought his presence could make his family happy, they ended up separated.

“Doesn’t it feel relieving once you’ve admitted it?”

“... yes.” Baekhyun glances at Sehun. “Thanks, dude.”

“You’re technically thanking yourself.”

“I know.”

  
  


Having the whole house to themselves, the first thing they thought of was to snuggle on the couch reading books.

“Even if our story doesn’t get recorded, I will still remember everything about us, about you.”

Chanyeol is reading out the novel again, leaning at the armrest, while he occupies the other end of the couch. Their legs are tangled with each other, and looking at the both of them makes Baekhyun long for those nights in their apartment when they would just be next to each other, doing their own thing. Those days feel like they happened eons ago.

“Finally, my love, I'm on my way to meet you, the reason for my long wait. You, whom I haven't forgotten, even in my longest dreams. You, whom I couldn't forget, even in my deepest sleep. By then, I will call out your name.

So just wait, my love, for I'm going to find you, whom I lost. I will endure whatever may come, through the tangled hands of time, with my feet that won't chase after the future anymore. To you, I will run till I run out of breath.”

He finds Chanyeol peeking from behind the book, and they end up giggling at each other. He gestures Chanyeol to continue reading.

“After this long, long narrative, this will be written as the first line of our story. After this, I have nothing to fear anymore, for you’re finally here with me.

Now our lives have overlapped with each other, and the moon is quietly hanging there looking down on us as the witness. Love, I still have so much that I want to tell you.

But would you look at us now? We’ve become one.”

Chanyeol then closes the book with a sigh. “Is it over?” he asks his fiance.

“Yeap.” Chanyeol nods. “Thank you, Baek. That was beautiful. Was that our story?”

Thinking to himself for a moment, Baekhyun finds it plausible. “It could’ve been. Maybe it was. It could’ve been a story of me, unknowingly trying to find you.”

Chanyeol’s gaze on him is deep and full of mixed emotions. “Do you know why I chose that song for you?”

“Universe? Why?”

“Because it’s an apology and promise from me to you.” Chanyeol leans forward to him.

Baekhyun mimics his gesture, leaning forward to reduce the distance between them. “An apology?”

“In our last moment, I’ve said things that must've hurt you. No matter if I didn’t mean them. I ended up hurting you.” Chanyeol casts his gaze down over their knees. “And ended up hurting myself for hurting you.”

‘ _I love you, Baek. Why won’t you let me love you?_ ’

“I could have worded it better. I could’ve just given you your time without making a big deal out of it. My insecurity took over me. I disappointed you, didn’t I? I’m still regretting that.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun grabs his fiance’s hand, “it wasn’t your fault. I was being selfish as well.”

‘ _Chanyeol, all I’m asking is some space for me to think!_ ’

When Chanyeol looks up at him again, he sees something on Chanyeol’s face that breaks his heart right away; sorrow and desperation.

He looks like someone who’s apologizing for the last time before going far away.

“I will never forget you, Byun Baekhyun.” he then says hushedly. “Even if I’m born again into another life, another universe, I don’t think I would forget you. And how you were my happiness and sadness, my scar and my healing. How you always held my world, my entire universe, and I would rather disappear into thin air if you’re ever gone.”

Now Baekhyun remembers why he had liked that song so much; it was because Chanyeol used to tell him that the song was magically meant for the both of them. And this must’ve been the reason why Chanyeol considered it so.

“Because these feelings, this love I have for you, this isn’t just something I could end, even if I’m in another life. I’m going to feel it forever, through different times, different lives, even different worlds.”

“You’re so good at being poetic.” Baekhyun still manages to comment despite the burning feeling in his eyes.

“I’m quoting the lyrics as well.” Chanyeol chuckles sheepishly to melt the atmosphere. “I’ll search the universe for you, Byun Baekhyun. I’ll search through the universe until I find you again. I would never let go of what we had in this world, and I would use them to find you in the next life. I’m going to remember them, so I can look for you.”

He reaches out a hand to cup Chanyeol’s cheek gently. “If you get the chance to live another life well,” he whispers, a little bit brokenly, “why would you bother looking for me?”

Chanyeol puts a hand on top of his, leaning his head onto it. “Because that’s just how much I love you.”

In the end, Baekhyun can’t contain the tears anymore; they roll down his cheeks as he gives his fiance a smile. “In another life, if we get to find each other again, I swear I'd be someone much better, so I could love you better, Park Chanyeol.”

“No.” Chanyeol shakes his head. “You can stay as you are. I will stay the same, too. And I’ll do all the looking. All you have to do is wait for me. I’ll find you even sooner than in this life.”

“Would you even want me like this again by then?” Baekhyun frowns slightly. “Silly. Why would you want to go over the same trouble?”

Chanyeol kisses the inner side of his wrist.

“For you, I’ll go over every kind of trouble.”

===

It’s hours after their heartfelt talk, but none of them are closing their eyes. They just lay awake on the bed, staring at each other in silence, the sound of their heartbeat overlapping with each other. Baekhyun’s hand is on Chanyeol’s cheek, fingers tracing every inch of his beloved’s face. He has seen this face for almost a decade yet he still can’t get over how beautiful it is.

“I’ve got an idea.” Chanyeol suddenly says.

“Hm?”

“Let’s go watch the sunrise.”

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, interested in the idea. “From the dock?” he smiles when Chanyeol nods. “Sounds cool. Do we go now?”

“We could.”

“Then let’s go.”

  
  


The sky is starting to be tinted in hues of dark purple when they arrive at the dock. The wind is quite harsh, and Baekhyun almost melts in giddiness when Chanyeol hugs him from behind as he leans against the railings. He feels so warm, and it’s not just because of Chanyeol’s arms.

They patiently wait for the sun to move up. It starts with hues of pink making the way, then the colors gradually change to golden yellow. Baekhyun whispers a comment about how pretty the sky looks for the moment, and Chanyeol kisses his neck as a response. Minutes later, the sun finally peeks out, slowly moving up. He holds his breath, marveling at how beautiful the sight is.

Then it comes into his mind, ever so smoothly, like an epiphany he never expected to have.

“I have to let you go first, don’t I?”

Chanyeol’s silence is the answer he looks for.

“It’s the point of the whole thing I created.” Baekhyun nods to himself. “I made this place in my head so I could properly let you go.”

He feels his fiance tightening his arms around him.

“You’ve waited for me for too long. And I apologize for that. I should’ve recognized you sooner. Would’ve made everything easier.”

Slowly, carefully, he turns around on his feet to face Chanyeol. He finds a pair of sorrow filled eyes. “I’m letting you go, Yeol.”

The sunrise’s light shines on the skin of Chanyeol’s face, making him glow, and Baekhyun gets reminded again of how blessed he has been to have such beauty next to him. “Thank you.” Chanyeol tells him. “Thank you, Baek.”

He lets himself be pulled into Chanyeol’s embrace. He closes his eyes, resting his face against Chanyeol’s chest, basking in the warmth that would soon be gone. His head is finally clear, but his heart is filled with dark clouds.

“Let me be with you one last time.” Chanyeol then speaks from above him. “I want to carve you in my head.”

He nods, cheek rubbing against the fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt. He, too, wants to feel Chanyeol’s presence for one last time.

  
  


He finds warmth in Chanyeol’s eyes, as they lock gazes while their hands work to let their shirt slip off of their bodies. The gaze drops downwards for a moment when Chanyeol caresses his abdomen with his hand, which then crawls upwards to circle around his chest. Then it makes its way to his chin, and Chanyeol captures his lips in a slow, deep kiss.

He finds warmth in Chanyeol’s words; “you’re so beautiful”, he whispers right into his ears, as hands start to pull his pants down. Another kiss on the temple. “My beautiful.” There’s no string between them anymore; they’re bare and fragile for each other now. “So beautiful.” Another kiss on his neck, making him gasp slightly. “Let me do it all for you.”

He finds warmth in Chanyeol’s touch, when both of Chanyeol’s hands are now gently gripping on each side of his hip. The hands then move on his skin, making their way to his back, and they settle right on the upper part, right below his shoulder, and bring him closer to Chanyeol. They're flush against each other, chest to chest, as Chanyeol claims his lips again in a more heated kiss. They both gasp from the friction they have created down there. It’s such a blessing that they can have each other like this again.

He finds warmth pooling in his stomach as Chanyeol works his lips on other parts of his body. Chanyeol knows every inch of him too well; where to be gentle, where to tickle him, and where to make him let out a moan. His lover progresses downwards, building up the tension of pleasure between them. At least for this moment, they could be drunk in it and forget the farewells they’ve been struggling to prepare for.

He finds warmth literally seeping into him as Chanyeol enters him, firm yet careful, while Chanyeol’s nimble hands take good care of his hardened and swollen mess. He grabs onto Chanyeol’s shoulder, holding for dear life, as Chanyeol starts to move inside him, constantly careful and attentive. Chanyeol leans down to kiss him again, probably to distract him from the pain until it subsides. When only pleasure is left, Baekhyun lets Chanyeol know he could go faster with a jerk of his hip. Chanyeol gladly takes the clue and works to reach every spot inside him. His fingertips dig into Chanyeol’s skin when it’s starting to overwhelm him, and Chanyeol knows it very well, peppering kisses all over his face. “With me, Baekhyun.” he reminds him. “Together.”

He finds warmth exploding between them when they reach their peak at the same time. The grip on his hips tighten as Chanyeol’s liquid fills him up, and he marvels at the sight of Chanyeol licking up the remnants of his release on his fingers. He props his upper body up to watch as Chanyeol showers the inner side of his thigh with butterfly kisses, consuming every inch of him. The kisses then spreads to his pelvis while Chanyeol’s thumb gives it a massage. Then the kisses move up to his abdomen, to his chest, to the mounds, then to his collarbone, to the expanse of his neck, up to his jaw, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, to the fluttering eyelids that are wet with slight tears. Then finally, to his lips. “I love you.” Chanyeol whispers between the kiss, making him smile so wide.

He finds warmth in his chest when Chanyeol falls next to him, spent and full just like him. Chanyeol is so beautiful like this, face glowing and radiant after making love to him. Chanyeol has always been beautiful in his eyes, even before he fell in love with him, when Chanyeol was still a weirdo who insisted on befriending him.

He finds warmth in Chanyeol’s hand that’s cupping his cheek. “I love you.” Chanyeol repeats the spell. Baekhyun decides to drape an arm around Chanyeol’s torso so his hand could reach his back, and he begins writing down invisible letters with his index finger. He reads them out loud as well; “I love you too.”

He finds warmth, so beautiful and fulfilling, in Chanyeol.

And this would be the last time that he ever feels this warmth.

  
  


They sleep the whole noon.

He wakes up when the sun is already getting lower in the sky. Confusion fills him when he finds the other side of the bed empty. Chanyeol’s clothes on the wooden floor are gone, while his own clothes are folded neatly on the edge of the bed. He immediately puts them on in hurry and runs downstairs, making his way out of the house.

He gasps when he finds Chanyeol standing right before the water, staring far into the horizon.

Sighing in relief, he starts running again, all the way to his beloved. He slows down when Chanyeol sees him and waves a hand at him. He replies with a forced smile, because there is no way he’s making Chanyeol worry about him again.

He stands right next to Chanyeol and follows the line of his sight. It’s exceptionally sunny today. Hues of orange are starting to color the sky, and he could almost hear Chanyeol’s thoughts about how pretty it is.

Silently, he takes a step backwards, and raises a hand to write invisible letters on Chanyeol’s back again.

‘Goodbye’, it spells out.

Chanyeol turns to look at him, eyes filled with emotions, yet they look content. His beloved wraps his arms around him again, his embrace tight and full of a thousand words they decide not to say right now. Baekhyun closes his eyes, burying his face into Chanyeol’s chest. There it is, their farewell.

They release each other, and Chanyeol starts to walk into the water. Baekhyun could only watch as Chanyeol gets deeper and deeper.

Once the water reaches his knees, Chanyeol turns around and looks at him. _Why?_ He wonders.

Then Chanyeol raises a hand to point at the sky.

His eyes involuntarily follow the direction, and he’s mystified with how beautiful the painting above him is. Shades of orange and lilac are now splattered across the canvas.

When he shifts his gaze back down, Chanyeol is not there anymore.

He drops onto the sand bottom first, head blank, with a buzzing sound in his ears.

He just sent Chanyeol away.

* * *


	10. The Sunset

It rains heavily.

Baekhyun spends the gloomy morning hiding in the cocoon made out of his thick blanket, head buried into the pillow. He hasn’t slept even for a blink ever since yesterday; ever since his beloved left him. He just walked back into the house and wrapped himself on the mattress, and stayed like that until now, somehow going through the hours without moving an inch. Did he really stay like this for that long? Or did he just speed up the day? It’s a world that he crafted, after all, he’s allowed to do anything he wants.

Scratch that. He isn't. Because he can’t bring Chanyeol back. There's only so much he could do, even in his own head.

The door creaks open, and his heart thumps a little too loud, his mind immediately thinking that it’s his fiance who’s walking into his bedroom with cautious steps. But his fiance is gone. Forever. So it must be none other than Jongdae.

It’s not that he wishes Chanyeol can come back to him. It’s just that he misses Chanyeol very, very, very much.

“I’ll be with Minseok for the rest of the day.” Jongdae informs him as he kneels down next to the bed. “I might be staying over there.”

Baekhyun forces a little nod out. Somehow Jongdae knows he needs his quality time to just lay down and do nothing about his mourning heart.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back when you finally need me. I’ll just know it.” his best friend reaches out a hand to pat his shoulder.

“I know,” he croaks out. His voice is raspy.

Jongdae tilts his head in curiosity. “Have you been crying?”

Baekhyun snorts out of bitterness. “I wish I have.” he murmurs. “It’s fucking exhausting to have all of this emotions inside you but you just can’t… let it out… or distribute it somewhere else. Fuck. Why am I like this even in my own head.”

Sighing heavily, Jongdae gets back on his feet. “Move aside. Quick.” he says as he puts a leg on the bed. “You need _the_ Hug. The Kim Jongdae Hug.”

“I don’t.”

“Move your heavy ass.”

And so Baekhyun scoots further to give Jongdae some space. Once Jongdae is settled in front of him, he immediately goes into Jongdae’s arms, burying his face in the column of Jongdae’s neck. Jongdae smells good and feels warm. But he just can’t be filled full. He needs Chanyeol. He wants Chanyeol. “I miss him.” he whispers, and just like magic, his tears start to fall down, eyes burning and stinging.

He feels Jongdae’s hand patting his back gently, affectionately. His best friend doesn’t say a word, so he just continues the chant. “I miss him. I miss him. I fucking miss him.

God. I miss him.

I miss him.”

The chant goes on until he gives in, and sleep takes him over, keeping him safe and sound for a few hours.

  
  


When he wakes up, Jongdae is already gone, and the sky outside is a slightly darker shade of grey. He probably had slept the entire afternoon away. He finally gets up from the bed and makes his way to the kitchen, planning to make himself a sandwich. Or maybe he can just eat the bread only. Who cares. The hunger inside him isn’t even real.

The sound of the raindrop is still quite loud against the roof, and Baekhyun wonders if the gloomy weather really was caused by the gloominess inside his heart, just like what Junmyeon had told him. Things can’t be that dramatic, right?

  
  


The evening arrives, and his instincts make him grab a jacket and go to the porch. He can’t see anything at the shore, only the water drops. It’s better like this, though. If it’s any clearer, then he would have to see vividly with his own eyes that there is no one there anymore; Chanyeol is not there anymore. He really had sent Chanyeol away like that.

Why is he still here? Why can’t he just be gone as well?

He sits at the top of the porch’s stairs and watches the rain, basking in the sight. Or maybe he's waiting for someone who’s long gone to show up. Now he learns that being hopeful was much better than being aware.

And so he waits, and waits, and waits.

  
  


By night, he gets some visitors; it’s the brothers Junmyeon and Sehun. The younger and taller one between the two greets him with a hug, and Baekhyun accepts it with a wide open heart because damn, he needs this kind of interaction. He needs someone else’s warmth.

“I can’t open the night market, thanks to you.” Junmyeon says with his polite smile as he places down a box on the dining table. “Strawberry mochi. A peace offering. Please stop the rain, it’s endangering my business.”

Baekhyun turns at Junmyeon, bewildered. “You’re just a fragment of my imagination, Kim Junmyeon.”

“You must’ve done a horrible job at playing pretend back in elementary school.”

“How are you feeling?” Sehun gets his attention again. “You did well. It must’ve been hard for you.”

“It’s what he should have done a long time ago.” Junmyeon adds in, which earns his glare.

But then Junmyeon puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes gently, face filled with worry. Baekhyun is reminded that Junmyeon is supposed to be the counterpart of Baekbeom. Rough words, warm feelings. Baekhyun smiles at Junmyeon thankfully. He feels like crying again, but he’s tired of doing so, thus he holds the tears in as he gets Sehun to eat the mochis with him.

Once Junmyeon and Sehun are out of the door, Baekhyun decides to spend the night on the couch, hugging a book between his arms and chest without planning to read it. The rain is still going on, and he doesn’t think it’ll stop soon.

If tomorrow is sunny, would Chanyeol be there?

===

The next morning is still gloomy, with heavy rain.

And instead of Chanyeol, it’s Yixing whom he finds on his porch.

“Are you guys taking turns to visit me?” Baekhyun asks while opening the door fully. “Should I expect Jongin and Kyungsoo too? Will Jongdae bring Minseok here as well?”

Yixing shaked his head slowly, with a faint yet amused smile on his face. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Scratching the back of his head, feeling a little bit embarrassed, Baekhyun shifts aside. “I’ll make some hot chocolate.”

“Can we sit here?” Yixing points at the chair on the porch. “I feel like watching the rainfall.”

Baekhyun is stunned for a moment before he walks out of the door. Yixing is his counterpart, after all. “Of course.”

And so they settle down on the wooden chair, facing the rain as they both dwell in silence. The faint sound of water pitter-pattering on the rooftop takes Baekhyun’s mind away for a moment. Far, far away from the reality he should face in his own imagination. His heart, however, is still in despair.

“Yixing?” he calls and waits until his companion for the morning pays attention. “Can I ask you something?”

Yixing shrugs. “Go on.”

Emotion suddenly clogs his throat, but Baekhyun gulps it down immediately. “Since you're the projection of myself, you must know everything about me. If I was ever happy… when was I the happiest?"

The rain pours a little bit harder. Yixing leans back, eyes observing him. "Did you ask me that to assure yourself that you were happy?"

"I just want to hear it from someone else."

"Same thing." Yixing chuckles at him. "Let's see. There were times when you were genuinely happy, without being a little bit bitter about it or holding yourself back from feeling it. Do you remember that time when you joined your family for dinner, and everyone was there?"

It was not too long ago, probably a couple of years before. "Yes."

"You were playing with your brother's kids. Your parents came to join you, and your brother and sister in law were watching from the side laughing. And you thought to yourself, for once, everything was truly alright. Then you got out of the restaurant building to get some fresh air, and Baekbeom followed you outside. He thanked you for coming. And that moment, you felt a sense of relief. You thought you finally did something in your family's favor, all because of your own will."

‘ _I know it’s hard for you to be at family dinners like this._ ’

“There was also that time in college when you were sick, and you couldn’t go to Jongdae’s birthday party. You felt so sorry for not being able to be there for your best friend. Then you were surprised when Jongdae showed up at your house and brought his birthday cake along so both of you could blow the candles together. He cancelled his own party so he could celebrate it with you.”

He involuntarily laughs upon the memory. They were still so young, but even that time, they already knew they were each other’s best guy. He remembers Jongdae wearing a mask so he wouldn’t catch his cold, and they still had fun together even with his runny nose and headache. In the end, Jongdae really was one of the blessings in his life.

“And the top tier were, of course, your moments with Chanyeol.” Yixing sighs. “Your happiest moment with him was when both of you went for a trip to Gamcheon-dong and spent two days and one night there.”

It was one morning, after so many days of Baekhyun not being able to fall asleep properly and getting bad dreams whenever he did, that Chanyeol suggested the very simple idea; a short escape from the city life. Chanyeol persuaded him diligently until he agreed and assured himself that he deserved that vacation.

It was a few days later, on a sunny Saturday, that Chanyeol took Baekhyun to Gamcheon-dong, the very said Culture Village of Busan. They planned for a two days and one night vacation; they didn’t have to worry about accommodation and all since Baekhyun literally has a house there, gifted by his mother a couple years back. All they had to do was stroll around the village. And they did so; they visited the seafood restaurant that Baekhyun always wanted to go to again, rode rented bikes around the village and watched the sunset on the shore. It was also on that trip that they promised to learn how to surf together, and then wrote essays about what they loved about each other on a piece of paper and put it into a bottle which they buried in the sand next to the house. ' _Let's open this when we come here again!_ ' Chanyeol had told him with the biggest smile on his face. That was the time when they still thought that they had so many years ahead of them.

The trip revitalized him like magic, and he couldn’t thank Chanyeol enough for that.

There were so many things he couldn’t thank Chanyeol enough for, including saving him from the deep pit he had created for himself.

And also, for making him happy.

“What would have I become if I never met Chanyeol?” Baekhyun wonders, more to himself.

“Maybe you would’ve stayed as the bitter and sad version of yourself.” Yixing laughs when he narrows his eyes at him. “You would’ve healed in the end, but the process would’ve been much slower and longer, because there was no one there to cause the motion. Or maybe you would’ve found peace in something else, like investing yourself in your hobby, or doing voluntary work for people in need.”

It’s plausible. He could’ve started his road to heal from something other than romantic love. He would’ve filled his soul with music or meeting people who would appreciate his help very much.

“The universe works in such a mysterious way, but we could always guess what it could’ve done. Who knows, maybe Chanyeol wouldn’t have been the Chanyeol you knew if he never met you. Maybe he would’ve poured his endless amount of love into someone else, or maybe he would’ve spent years keeping the love to himself because he hasn’t found the right person to give it to. If you think about it like that,” Yixing hums, “don’t you think you and Chanyeol were destined to be together somehow?”

Baekhyun used to cringe at the mention of destiny, but now he looks at Yixing in awe. “Destined?”

“Yep. Maybe both of you were born to find each other. Or maybe your story started long, long ago before this, from a point in the past. Maybe you were born into multiple lifetimes, again and again, and always ended up finding each other.”

‘ _I think the universe never separated two people who are destined to be together._ ’

“That sounds too beautiful to be true.” he whispers.

Yixing’s gaze on him is compassionate. “You deserve to have something beautiful.”

If it’s true, that he and Chanyeol are somehow always connected to each other, throughout the universe, beyond the lines of time, then it would be a huge gift for him. With that in mind, he shouldn’t be afraid of not seeing Chanyeol anymore, because in the end, he would always find him.

Maybe he would be able to meet Chanyeol again in another lifetime, and Chanyeol would be there when it’s sunny, when it’s raining, when it’s snowing hard outside or when the wind blows so hard the leaves fall on their heads. Throughout the seasons, they would meet, and throughout their years, they would hold each other’s hands.

For now, all he can do is watch the rain. And somehow, he doesn’t feel so blue anymore.

  
  


When he can’t get a wink of sleep again, Baekhyun decides to go for a bike ride around the village.

It’s nearing dawn when he goes out of the house. He pedals his way around the neighborhood at a moderate speed, trying to bask in everything in his line of sight. The more he sees, the more he finds that everything around him was based on his experience in his trip with Chanyeol in Gamcheon-dong. It really was the happiest moment of his life.

The only place he could think of once he doesn’t know where to go anymore is the dock. The sky is starting to have the dark purple hues when he arrives there. He walks up to the railings and lean against them, gaze locked with the horizon.

He stays still and waits patiently. Not long after, shades of pink burst in the sky, and soon enough, the sun finally appears. The sun always rises again after it has set down hours before. It always sets at a certain time, so it could rise again as soon as possible.

Maybe he, too, has met his own time, and he has to leave now, so he could arrive somewhere else, somewhere brand new.

A smile spreads on Baekhyun’s lips.

===

“He’s brain dead. The only thing that keeps him on for now are the machines. There’s no effort from him anymore.”

Of course it feels like a big ship has been tossed onto them, wrecking them altogether.

Baekhyun never got better in his comatose state, which was why it had seemed like a miracle when he opened his eyes two days ago. Now the doctors have confirmed it to be a form of surge of energy from Baekhyun’s side, which indicates that he’s actually walking away instead of coming back. And tonight, he’s officially leaving.

“Let’s put the machines off.” Baekbeom finally suggests.

His mother reacts to it with a loud cry. His father immediately gathers her in his arms. Jongdae is on another row of chairs, trying not to sob too loud. Baekbeom himself never thought he would have to deliver the news of the death of a family member this soon. This is all too soon. His brother is still so young. He was just starting to be hopeful of living, but now those hopes are taken away from him.

“When?” his father finally asks.

“Anytime you’re ready. But it’s the best that it’s tonight.”

“We will never be ready, Baekbeom.”

“I know.” Baekbeom tries to suppress his own tears. “But he must’ve been so tired keeping up with everything all these time.”

Baekhyun must’ve reached his own limit, trying to hold onto the thin thread of his life.

He lived almost thirty years, spending almost half of them hurting. Maybe it’s the time for him to finally be at peace.

“He always did what we asked him to. He always tried doing them. Now’s our turn to do what he wants us to.”

===

“A picnic? At the shore?”

Baekhyun nods in excitement. “All of us. Just sitting down to chit chat and eat.”

“That’s… wow.” Jongdae leans back against the couch. “Byun Baekhyun planning a gathering? That’s one of the world’s wonders.”

“I know, right.” he snorts.

“But seriously, why so sudden? Where did this idea come from?”

Not finding the right words to describe, he shifts his gaze towards the window, over the view outside where the sky is bright.

“It’s just that,” Baekhyun half mumbles, “today is sunny.”

  
  


In the afternoon, all of them are finally gathered at the shore; Junmyeon provides everything they need for a picnic, from the blanket to the plates. Kyungsoo comes in with rolls of _kimbap_ while Minseok brings bottles of coffee and sweets. Baekhyun titters when Yixing opens the box in his hand and reveals a handful of fishcake inside.

Somehow, talking to parts of himself is quite fulfilling, especially when they all seem like individuals he would’ve befriended in real life. Or maybe he had based their antics on the people he had found interesting throughout his life and now he finally gets to talk to them.

“You guys are literally going to be married this year’s Christmas.” Baekhyun points at both Junmyeon and Yixing. “It wasn’t just something I made up.”

“Jongdae and I are dating in real life as well.” Minseok lifts his and Jongdae’s joined hands.

“Are we together in real life too?” Kyungsoo asks hushedly, making Jongin blush next to him.

Baekhyun is about to answer when Sehun cuts in; “Am I a loner as well there?”

Somehow they all silently agree to laugh at the sour Sehun.

“If you’re going to be reborn in another life, what kind of person do you want to be?” Junmyeon’s question makes everyone look at him.

Baekhyun thinks to himself for a moment. “A much happier person than I am here.”

“Describe.”

“Like, I want to be someone who easily laughs.” he smiles melancholically. “Someone who can make everyone else laugh, or at least smile. I want to know lots of people and befriend at least half of them. I want to be known as someone loud and funny.”

“Yeah, no shit, you were as bland as paper.” Jongdae sighs into his cup of coffee.

Baekhyun throws a ball of tissue at his best friend. “And,” he resumes, “I want to have a huge amount of love in me, so I can share it with everyone around me. I want to be naturally, genuinely kind to everyone and everything. I won’t waste my time resenting anyone. I want to care about a lot of people.”

“I can totally see you doing all of that.” Jongin nods at him. “You have that kind of nice guy face.”

“Is that even a thing?” he frowns slightly at the guy. “Anyway, aside all of that, I want to be someone who meets Chanyeol again.”

To his surprise, everyone collectively sighs. “It’s Chanyeol again.” they all muse.

“What about him?”

“Nothing. Go on, dude.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at them, letting out a snort before he presses his lips into a tight smile. “I want to meet Chanyeol again. He could be the same Chanyeol that he was here. By then, I would be the one to approach him first. Maybe he’ll say stuff like ‘I can feel we’re going to be best friends’ again. I would totally love that. We’re going to be each other’s soulmate again. But by then, I would do much, much better than what I’ve done here. I would dote on him. I’d do anything for him.”

“You already did anything you could do for him here.” Yixing puts a hand on his shoulder. “You always underestimated yourself about it.”

Baekhyun gives him a grateful smile. “The point is, I just want things to be easier for us by then. I want to be someone who can love easily, without any burden and baggage. I want to be happy with the one I love.”

Sehun raises his cup. “To Baekhyun’s next life.”

“To Baekhyun’s next life!”

  
  


Moments later, as the others are chatting, Baekhyun slowly stands up.

“Baekhyun?” he hears Jongdae’s voice behind him. He turns around to take a look at his best friend. Realization fills Jongdae’s eyes in the matter of seconds. “Finally?” he whispers.

He nods. “Sorry it took me so long.”

“You’re…” Jongin stands up as well, “leaving?”

Glancing at the sky, he lets out a sigh. “It’s about time that I do.”

He feels a hand patting his shoulder. “Goodbye.” Sehun says. “Good luck.”

“Goodbye, Baekhyun.” Yixing is right next to him. “You’ve done well.”

In the moment, he nods to himself and then inhales deeply. He releases it all in one go. “Thank you.” he whispers, glancing back at the seven men behind him. “Thank you so much for being here with me.”

He then sets his gaze on the waters in front of him again. Something fills his chest; peace.

“Go for it, Baekhyun!”

“You can do it!”

For a moment, he looks up at the sky. The sun is getting lower, accompanied by shades of orange and lilac. Such a beautiful sight for his last one.

“Go Baekhyun!”

He grins, and with the whole energy in his body, he starts to run towards the water.

The sand is soft and warm beneath his feet as he keeps running. He can hear the boys cheering up for him from behind, their voices echoing in each step that he takes. The moment he touches the water, he gasps at the cold temperature, and laughs at how silly he was.

He keeps going forward, getting deeper and deeper. When the water gets to his thighs, he looks up again. The sun looks so close to him, it’s as if he could reach it.

He reaches out a hand and covers the sun with his hand, sunlight beaming through his fingers. He lets out a bubbly laugh again.

In the back of his mind, he hears the echoes of Chanyeol’s laughter, blended perfectly with the sound of the waves crashing against each other.

_I’m going to you!_

  
  


“Patient Byun Baekhyun, time of death 11.30 pm, February 14th 2020.”

* * *


	11. Epilogue

What I love about Byun Baekhyun.

There are too many things I love about Baekhyun. Or maybe I just love Baekhyun, which means I love everything about him, which also means I can’t name them one by one because whatever it is that he does and has, I would love them nonetheless.

But if I have to name one thing I love the most about him, I would say it’s the smile he would give me when he wakes up in the morning. On Sundays and sometimes Saturdays, he would wake up late around 9 or 10 am, and I would wait next to him. When he finally opens his eyes, I would kiss him on the cheek, and just like magic, he would give me this smile, this very beautiful smile, the corners of his lips would almost curl up and man, I would always be on the brink of losing my breath because of it.

Baekhyun was never a cheery person to begin with. He always carries something behind his smile and holds his emotions back. He told me once he doesn't like dwelling too much in good moments because he always feels like something bad awaits him at the end of something good. Thus, it's very rare to see him laugh out loud, or be genuinely excited about something. That's why I love his morning smile, because in those moments, I can see the purest form of joy and content in his eyes when he looks at me. It makes me very happy, full of pride knowing that I'm the cause of that smile, I'm the cause of that happiness. It assures me that I must've done something right in loving him.

There are also small gestures he does that make me weak. There's this particular thing he would do. Since he's not someone who can say what they feel easily, Baekhyun always had trouble expressing himself. Most of the time he would keep it all inside. But with me, he'd let me know what he couldn't say by writing them on my back with his index finger. He doesn't tell me 'I love you' often, but he writes them on my back every day, in the morning as we brush our teeth or have breakfast, in the evening as we cook, when we sit on the couch watching TV, when we stroll along the sidewalk, just anywhere and anytime possible. He always lets me know he loves me, in the most silent way, and all of those moments are precious to me. It makes me wonder what I've done so well that I could have someone to love me this much.

I could go on and on and on talking about what I love about Baekhyun. I would need at least ten reams of paper to write them down. Or maybe I should set up a Baekipedia for him.

I love the way he tries to give back as much as he gets. Loving is difficult for him, I know that too much. It has become a strange concept for him ever since he witnessed his parents' split up back in high school. He has been wounded because of that. So him, doing his best to show me he loves me, giving his heart to me, is something I'd forever be thankful for. He has put so much effort in making this relationship work.

Thank you, Byun Baekhyun, for loving me. For doing your best in everything. For smiling for me. For letting me love you and make you happy. For existing in this world at the same time that I do.

By the time we open this, I hope we will already be married. Maybe we'll be on a vacation, and we'll be bringing Mongryong and Toben along. Or maybe we'll be with our own kids. We'll be playing by the shore, and we'll be reminded of these letters, and we'll dig it up from the sand. And by then I hope we're already pros at surfing!

I love you, Byun Baekhyun, forever and always. 

If there's a life after this, I promise you I would love you by then and there as well.

===

What I love about Park Chanyeol.

I love that he’s Park Chanyeol. I love that Park Chanyeol exists in this world. Because if there was never Park Chanyeol, I don’t think I would’ve survived well this far.

I love that he’s my Chanyeol. I love how, as I’d like to quote from him, ‘the universe has aligned our stars’, making us meet each other. I love that out of all the people in this world, it’s Chanyeol whom I ended up falling in love with.

I love that he loves me. I love how good he loves me. I love how he knows everything about me, yet still respects me enough not to smart me out in times when I’m confused about myself. I love how he prioritizes me. I love how he's very patient with me, knowing very well how difficult I am when it comes to loving someone.

I love that he's a confident and passionate person and how he could look so hot because of it. I love his big brain which stores a lot of things, making him a very capable guy. I love his big heart that accepts everyone around him. I love how everyone around him loves him too.

I love that he could see beauty in almost everything. The sky, the ground, the tree near our apartment building, the music genre he doesn't even listen to, the way a young man gave up his seat for a pregnant lady on the train, just anything possible. I love the way he stares at beautiful things, and I think no one loves the world as much as he does.

I love that I love him. I love that after years of thinking that love is just a strange concept, an excuse to gain control of someone else, I was given the chance to meet a person who genuinely loves. I love that he's the one I love. I love that I can love because of him.

I love him very much. Maybe even more than I love myself.

I love you, Chanyeol. I'm sorry I suck at saying them out loud. I love you. With all of these wounds, I love you.

Thank you for loving me, Chanyeol.

I love you, and I'm gonna love you for the rest of my life.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading this work. It turned out to be much longer than what I had planned (which made me beg for extension from the ever so generous mods). I might have poured at least half of my heart and soul into this, and I've gotta say this Baekhyun is my favorite from all the Baekhyuns I've written in my fics. This Baekhyun hits quite close to home. I also might have put my own thoughts about the universe and the concept of happiness into this fic and I'm happy that my bullshit could be used for something.
> 
>   
> If there is any of you who had gone through the similar experience that Baekhyun had in this story, I would like to apologize if my depiction about the matter lacked in some points. I myself didn't go through the same thing, but I've witnessed a lot of real life examples, and through a long process of self discovery and understanding how this life actually works, I've come to some conclusions about love in its most honest state, and I decided to brought the theme up in this story. However, I would like to say that I based Baekhyun's view about the world on my own view, and it's not the most optimistic view. I relate to his bitterness the most, and I'm not proud of that. I'm still on my way trying to think of the world positively and think a little bit higher about myself. Since I don't have my own person who loves me and my baggage in real life, I gifted Baekhyun with a Chanyeol.
> 
>   
> Shortly to say, what I wanted to deliver through this story is ~~I fucking love heavy angst and killing EXO members in my fic~~ happiness isn't the same for everybody, because each of us have such unique lives, created from our external and internal environment. Thus, just because we see someone being happy with their kind of life, it doesn't mean we won't be happy if we don't have it as well. Instead, take a look around, and harvest the happiness even from the littlest things. We never really lack of things; we all just don't always have the same things.
> 
>   
> In the end, I just want to remind all of you that you all deserve love and happiness.
> 
> P.S. credits to EXO and IU, I used their songs well :')


End file.
